I wanted to report by now that good health has once again returned. However, we are all still coughing and dealing with lower energy levels. Sinus infections don't go away easily, I'm discovering. I've taken to boiling water and putting my head over the pan several times a day, to ensure that the intense pain doesn't return.
The financial stress we've been under (six months without a full-time job), is something I've endured pretty well. Recently though, with the added health stress, my positive outlook has taken a nosedive. The economy just isn't recovering. I find myself praying daily for greater endurance. I know God won't stop providing, but I'm just so weary.
Our neighbor has been out of work since January (specialized work in the auto business). My cousin Rick in CA--who owns a custom landscaping business--can't find any work and may lose his house. He previously did very well financially, meaning he has a hefty house payment. Unfortunately, his set of skills is very specialized; I don't recall him ever doing any other kind of work.
All of us have heard sad stories, I'm sure.
Hardship is a great teacher. We mustn't forget that, even as the recession drags on.
A friend of my husband's called the other day, out of the blue. Don couldn't really get out of telling Jim about the job loss, but he did reassure Jim that we're meeting all our bills. In an act of great kindness, Jim sent a $100.00 check, which arrived a few days later. Our cell phone bill was nearly a month overdue (Don didn't know this). We don't have a land phone, so paying our cell bill was a necessity. We both got teary-eyed over the blessing, but accepting it was hard. Yes, God put it on Jim's heart to do this, and we're grateful. It's just that we would really like to get back to paying our own expenses.
This aspect of hardship is harder on me than on Don. There are givers and takers in the world, and many people in between. Don is in between; I am a heavy giver. Taking feels so unnatural. I can see God wanting me to learn how to receive, but does He have to drag it out this long? Good grief! (And yes, I was telling the truth about the jackets, Dear Reader (who sent me an e-mail). We all have jackets! Bless your heart!)
In another random act of kindness, Don's sister sent a $300 check, to ensure that Don has sufficient funds to take his first computer-certification exam. Someone rear-ended her vehicle recently, and she received a $550 dollar check from the driver's insurance company. She decided to have her son fix her car, enabling her to send some of the insurance money to Don. We had another teary-eyed letter-opening session. God is so faithful. And so are his servants! We are blessed beyond measure, truly; I have no right to be feeling so down.
Yesterday Daniel and I attended his first counseling session. I gave a detailed history, and the therapist made a diagnosis and wrote treatment goals. Daniel has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (runs in my family). He will see his therapist once a week, until the goals have been met.
He is still off his ADHD meds. I'm happy to report that, with the token behavior system we're using, he's been more manageable this week.
On the way home from the appointment, Daniel asked me if Amanda (therapist's name) loved Jesus. I replied, "I don't know if she does or not, but even if she doesn't, she can still teach you strategies for dealing with your fears. She went to college to learn how to help people manage their feelings, and I think she enjoys her job. Once you get to know her, maybe you can tell her about Jesus."
I watched him in the rear-view mirror as I said this. He just smiled. God will use my Daniel in mighty ways. The poor guy has some handicaps that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but he also has a heart of gold, and a deep love for his Savior.
Last night during prayer time at AWANA class, the teacher asked the children to take turns praying. Daniel prayed that he would do well next week, when he talked to Amanda about his fears. Timothy told God that he loved Him, and that he wanted to love Him forever and ever.
My boys can really rattle my nerves. Pretty often. But last night, their prayers blessed me beyond measure! It was the boldness, the sweetness, and the sincerity. With all this recent stress, I've felt like such a failure as a mother. Their prayers helped me remember that I'm not the one raising my children. God is.
And he is a perfect parent.
Showing posts with label adhd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adhd. Show all posts
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
another perspective
The other book I checked out at the library is entitled The ADD Answer, How To Help Your Child Now, by Dr. Frank Lawlis. I've just read sixty pages of it. It is much different from the other book--featured in yesterday's post--in that it is anti-medication, pro-psychology, and pro whole-child/whole-family care. Much is included regarding the psychological ramifications of labels (ADD/ADHD, etc), including their affect on the whole family. After reading these sixty pages, I'm ready to give up on the medication route, at least for a time. This author presents a very convincing case against medication.
Needless to say, my mind is full, and my spirit is troubled.
It's easy to say that medication should only be used in the worst of cases, when learning is affected, and then only for short periods of time. But inattentiveness isn't the only problem. The impulsivity of AD/HD makes Daniel a danger to himself and to his siblings. For example, I only allow him to be alone with the baby when she's in her playpen. If she is playing in the living room, I allow Daniel around her only if we are there to supervise. This isn't because he is mean or aggressive. Rather, it is because he is too physical, with frenzied, uncontrolled movements. While medicated, his physical movements are more controlled and predictable. I can walk away and not worry about what he might do. And, he receives far less negative feedback while medicated, because we're not having to harp on the multitude of things he needs to stop doing.
Incidentally, Emily Rose received her forehead scar and stitches earlier this year because Daniel was carrying her and impulsively dropped her, even though he had the strength to set her down gently. He never picked her up again after the accident, thank God. I'm relieved that he received this wake up call before something more serious happened.
I think the outcome for AD/HD children depends more on the feedback they receive from their families than anything else--including what their report cards say. We know that for every one negative interaction, they need ten positives to overcome the pervasive feeling of failure. But the tricky part is that it's nearly impossible to come up with that many positives, due to the annoying characteristics they display. Perhaps if the AD/HD child were the only child in the home, meeting their weighty emotional needs would be a relative breeze.
Right now, I feel very human--flawed, powerless, and defeated. I'm not a relaxed or good enough parent to give him what he needs. The anti-medication crowd gives compelling arguments--I'll give them that. When I read their writings, I desperately want to throw out everything in my medicine cupboard. Their modifications and interventions all sound very good on paper, but implementing them consistently in daily life, in moment-to-moment interactions, is another matter altogether.
I hate medication. I just hate it. It scares me that the safety testing for AD/HD drugs has been done on rats and on adult humans. It's a huge gamble to assume they're safe for most children.
Tonight, all I know for certain is one thing--the outcomes for Daniel's life are up to God. The more I try to make them up to me, the greater my disservice to my son.
Needless to say, my mind is full, and my spirit is troubled.
It's easy to say that medication should only be used in the worst of cases, when learning is affected, and then only for short periods of time. But inattentiveness isn't the only problem. The impulsivity of AD/HD makes Daniel a danger to himself and to his siblings. For example, I only allow him to be alone with the baby when she's in her playpen. If she is playing in the living room, I allow Daniel around her only if we are there to supervise. This isn't because he is mean or aggressive. Rather, it is because he is too physical, with frenzied, uncontrolled movements. While medicated, his physical movements are more controlled and predictable. I can walk away and not worry about what he might do. And, he receives far less negative feedback while medicated, because we're not having to harp on the multitude of things he needs to stop doing.
Incidentally, Emily Rose received her forehead scar and stitches earlier this year because Daniel was carrying her and impulsively dropped her, even though he had the strength to set her down gently. He never picked her up again after the accident, thank God. I'm relieved that he received this wake up call before something more serious happened.
I think the outcome for AD/HD children depends more on the feedback they receive from their families than anything else--including what their report cards say. We know that for every one negative interaction, they need ten positives to overcome the pervasive feeling of failure. But the tricky part is that it's nearly impossible to come up with that many positives, due to the annoying characteristics they display. Perhaps if the AD/HD child were the only child in the home, meeting their weighty emotional needs would be a relative breeze.
Right now, I feel very human--flawed, powerless, and defeated. I'm not a relaxed or good enough parent to give him what he needs. The anti-medication crowd gives compelling arguments--I'll give them that. When I read their writings, I desperately want to throw out everything in my medicine cupboard. Their modifications and interventions all sound very good on paper, but implementing them consistently in daily life, in moment-to-moment interactions, is another matter altogether.
I hate medication. I just hate it. It scares me that the safety testing for AD/HD drugs has been done on rats and on adult humans. It's a huge gamble to assume they're safe for most children.
Tonight, all I know for certain is one thing--the outcomes for Daniel's life are up to God. The more I try to make them up to me, the greater my disservice to my son.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
some help
Today was Daniel's monthly AD/HD appointment at his pediatrician's office. I brought up the increased anxiety, and the doctor said it was time for Daniel to be seen by a therapist. I was so relieved! This is a long time in coming. This pediatrician in the past several months has had the attitude that while AD/HD rarely travels alone, the related disorders could be diagnosed and treated in later years, when Daniel was mature enough to participate in his own treatment. While I thought it was true that trying to counsel a seven year old would be hard for a therapist, I also felt that at least it would get us started and would ensure that as parents, we were responding to Daniel's anxiety in an appropriate, supportive manner. I don't want to coddle him, or be overly dismissive. I want my son to experience childhood as a time of joy and discovery--not anxiousness.
When I called the clinic to make the appointment, I told the receptionist that it was the pediatrician's opinion that the AD/HD meds were not causing the increased anxiety. She said we would start with a therapist, but later a psychiatrist could get involved, to evaluate and give a second opinion about the medicinal route we had taken.
I feel very positive and suspect that this whole thing will lead to a thorough psychiatric evaluation. Don's nephew has bipolar disorder and two other disorders, and on my side of the family there is agoraphobia (fear of crowds and of leaving the house), and other panic disorders. Certainly, given Daniel's symptoms, a lengthy evaluation is in order.
We'll be seen next Thursday for two hours, and after that the appointments will be one hour each. I'll keep you posted!
When I called the clinic to make the appointment, I told the receptionist that it was the pediatrician's opinion that the AD/HD meds were not causing the increased anxiety. She said we would start with a therapist, but later a psychiatrist could get involved, to evaluate and give a second opinion about the medicinal route we had taken.
I feel very positive and suspect that this whole thing will lead to a thorough psychiatric evaluation. Don's nephew has bipolar disorder and two other disorders, and on my side of the family there is agoraphobia (fear of crowds and of leaving the house), and other panic disorders. Certainly, given Daniel's symptoms, a lengthy evaluation is in order.
We'll be seen next Thursday for two hours, and after that the appointments will be one hour each. I'll keep you posted!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
token behavior systems
Last week I checked out Colleen Alexander-Roberts' book, The AD/HD Parenting Handbook, Practical Advice for Parents from Parents, proven techniques for raising hyperactive children without losing your temper (2nd Edition)
The author dealt with moderate to severe AD/HD symptoms and successfully utilized a play-money token behavior system. Her children were also on medication. She writes:
"In our home we used play money. We had a chart with household rules on it. Each rule was worth a specific amount, anywhere from one dollar to twenty. Every time our son followed a rule, he received the agreed amount. The money he earned was placed in an envelope for one week. During the week he had to spend this money. We charged him five dollars an hour to play a video game, two dollars an hour to ride his bike, ten dollars an hour to play games on the computer, three dollars to watch a rented video, and two dollars to watch an hour of television. Every Saturday, he turned in what was left of the money he earned. For every ten dollars in play money he turned in, he received one dollar in cash. He was able to spend this money as he wished or save it for something special he wanted to buy. In this case, once we gave a reward (the play money, for instance), we never took the reward away. Instead, for noncompliance we used time-out, took away a privilege, or assigned an extra household chore. We never took away what he had already been rewarded."
"We used this play-money system very successfully for quite some time. The original household rules were replaced by new house rules two months after we initiated this system; we had achieved the desired effect. However, no reward system works forever, so be ready to substitute another system when needed. Always seek professional help if reward systems do not work with your child."
I started a sticker chart with Daniel and Timothy on our first day of school. The thing is, I hate sticker charts! They do work with my boys, but I eventually get bored of them (or too busy) and drop the ball. Already, yesterday and again today, I forgot to update their stickers.
Today I discussed this new system with them, and they seem quite intrigued. Momma is intrigued for a number of reasons, not the least of which is this system's potential for curbing screen time. So off we went to the dollar store, in search of play money.
Incidentally, I hate the idea of charging play money for a bike ride. That seems counter-productive to me, since exercise is healthy and desired and especially beneficial to AD/HD children. Yeah, charge money for any type of screen time, but not for exercise.
We're jumping in and starting the play-money system tomorrow. They are excited. I am resolved to do everything I can to make it work. For a successful school day, there are two rules I really need them to follow:
1. Follow directions the first time they're given.
2. Clean up without arguing.
There are five rules altogether, but these are the two that really make a difference in our school day. My boys hate clean-up time. I've struggled for all these years with their poor clean-up attitudes. Partly, the difficulty is due to the bin organization system for our playroom. Putting smallish things into the correct bins is a lot more difficult than throwing all the toys into one large toybox.
Anyhow, I'll keep you posted on the wonders of play money.
If you have difficulty getting your child moving in the morning, she suggests that each step of the morning routine be written out for your child, in words or pictures. None of her suggestions are particularly novel, but she has plenty of them, for many different problem areas. The book also includes ideas from many other AD/HD-seasoned parents.
There is also a very good chapter--written by a physician friend of hers--on AD/HD medications (penned in 2006).
The author dealt with moderate to severe AD/HD symptoms and successfully utilized a play-money token behavior system. Her children were also on medication. She writes:
"In our home we used play money. We had a chart with household rules on it. Each rule was worth a specific amount, anywhere from one dollar to twenty. Every time our son followed a rule, he received the agreed amount. The money he earned was placed in an envelope for one week. During the week he had to spend this money. We charged him five dollars an hour to play a video game, two dollars an hour to ride his bike, ten dollars an hour to play games on the computer, three dollars to watch a rented video, and two dollars to watch an hour of television. Every Saturday, he turned in what was left of the money he earned. For every ten dollars in play money he turned in, he received one dollar in cash. He was able to spend this money as he wished or save it for something special he wanted to buy. In this case, once we gave a reward (the play money, for instance), we never took the reward away. Instead, for noncompliance we used time-out, took away a privilege, or assigned an extra household chore. We never took away what he had already been rewarded."
"We used this play-money system very successfully for quite some time. The original household rules were replaced by new house rules two months after we initiated this system; we had achieved the desired effect. However, no reward system works forever, so be ready to substitute another system when needed. Always seek professional help if reward systems do not work with your child."
I started a sticker chart with Daniel and Timothy on our first day of school. The thing is, I hate sticker charts! They do work with my boys, but I eventually get bored of them (or too busy) and drop the ball. Already, yesterday and again today, I forgot to update their stickers.
Today I discussed this new system with them, and they seem quite intrigued. Momma is intrigued for a number of reasons, not the least of which is this system's potential for curbing screen time. So off we went to the dollar store, in search of play money.
Incidentally, I hate the idea of charging play money for a bike ride. That seems counter-productive to me, since exercise is healthy and desired and especially beneficial to AD/HD children. Yeah, charge money for any type of screen time, but not for exercise.
We're jumping in and starting the play-money system tomorrow. They are excited. I am resolved to do everything I can to make it work. For a successful school day, there are two rules I really need them to follow:
1. Follow directions the first time they're given.
2. Clean up without arguing.
There are five rules altogether, but these are the two that really make a difference in our school day. My boys hate clean-up time. I've struggled for all these years with their poor clean-up attitudes. Partly, the difficulty is due to the bin organization system for our playroom. Putting smallish things into the correct bins is a lot more difficult than throwing all the toys into one large toybox.
Anyhow, I'll keep you posted on the wonders of play money.
If you have difficulty getting your child moving in the morning, she suggests that each step of the morning routine be written out for your child, in words or pictures. None of her suggestions are particularly novel, but she has plenty of them, for many different problem areas. The book also includes ideas from many other AD/HD-seasoned parents.
There is also a very good chapter--written by a physician friend of hers--on AD/HD medications (penned in 2006).
Monday, September 28, 2009
ADHD/ADD Medications
If you're dealing with ADD/ADHD, you may want to visit this sight before, or during, your quest for medicinal therapy. The information is very complete and helpful.
change me
We have a peaceful marriage, as marriages go. When peace does fly out the window, often ADHD is the culprit. Or so it seems.
We took time off of Daniel's medication for awhile, then we tried another type, called Focalin Extended Release. In the lowest available dose, 5 mg, it worked roughly 7 hours per day for a couple of months. Seven hours seems to be the maximum relief available, which gets a child through school, thankfully. Meds rarely make an ADHD child's or adult's behavior and emotions reach a completely normal range. But they can significantly alter outcomes during the most productive part of the day, which is why they're usually worth the effort.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder often accompanies ADD/ADHD, as well as other co-morbid disorders, such as OCD, Oppositional Defiant disorder, Tourette's Syndrome (tics), Conduct Disorder, or a mood disorder (often depression). In fact, sixty-five percent of sufferers have one or more co-morbid disorders, making it difficult to find a medication for the ADHD that doesn't aggravate a co-morbid disorder. Resorting to two medications is not uncommon, although obviously we'd never want to go there. We never wanted to resort to any medication, period.
If you're reading this and feeling judgmental about the use of meds, stop. Unless you've tried to rear an ADD/ADHD child, you have no right to form any judgement.
Anyhow, I think we're at a point in which the Focalin ER is aggravating the anxiety, making symptoms of anxiety as troublesome as the ADHD. Making a long story short, these issues are robbing us of marital peace right now, or so it seems.
Twice I have typed "or so it seems". Why, you ask, would I add that? The reason is that whenever I feel like it would be best if my beloved packed up and disappeared, it is never the ADHD, or money-management woes, or lack of communication, or any other popular hot-button marriage issue. Instead, it is my heart. My heart.
Most of all, right now, I'm thankful. I've been exposed to enough good teaching, backed up by enough Scripture, to know that when the Enemy tries to tell me I've married the wrong person, I know immediately that it's a false, evil conclusion.
Once we're married, discontent with our significant-other is never a matter of the wrong person. It's a matter of the heart. Our heart.
We have only to say, "God, change me."
As a post script, I want to say that if you're in a physically-abusive marriage, the best thing to do is leave. Don't date or marry or stray during the separation period. Just let the Lord restore the abusing spouse. Yes, it will take time. After the Lord has had his way with the abuser, it will be a glorious marriage, and all the glory will go to the Father.
And yet still, the leaving spouse needs to ask the Lord for a heart change; it will take a major heart change to allow the abused person to forgive and forget. Without this forgiveness, reconciliation would be short-lived, at best.
We took time off of Daniel's medication for awhile, then we tried another type, called Focalin Extended Release. In the lowest available dose, 5 mg, it worked roughly 7 hours per day for a couple of months. Seven hours seems to be the maximum relief available, which gets a child through school, thankfully. Meds rarely make an ADHD child's or adult's behavior and emotions reach a completely normal range. But they can significantly alter outcomes during the most productive part of the day, which is why they're usually worth the effort.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder often accompanies ADD/ADHD, as well as other co-morbid disorders, such as OCD, Oppositional Defiant disorder, Tourette's Syndrome (tics), Conduct Disorder, or a mood disorder (often depression). In fact, sixty-five percent of sufferers have one or more co-morbid disorders, making it difficult to find a medication for the ADHD that doesn't aggravate a co-morbid disorder. Resorting to two medications is not uncommon, although obviously we'd never want to go there. We never wanted to resort to any medication, period.
If you're reading this and feeling judgmental about the use of meds, stop. Unless you've tried to rear an ADD/ADHD child, you have no right to form any judgement.
Anyhow, I think we're at a point in which the Focalin ER is aggravating the anxiety, making symptoms of anxiety as troublesome as the ADHD. Making a long story short, these issues are robbing us of marital peace right now, or so it seems.
Twice I have typed "or so it seems". Why, you ask, would I add that? The reason is that whenever I feel like it would be best if my beloved packed up and disappeared, it is never the ADHD, or money-management woes, or lack of communication, or any other popular hot-button marriage issue. Instead, it is my heart. My heart.
Most of all, right now, I'm thankful. I've been exposed to enough good teaching, backed up by enough Scripture, to know that when the Enemy tries to tell me I've married the wrong person, I know immediately that it's a false, evil conclusion.
Once we're married, discontent with our significant-other is never a matter of the wrong person. It's a matter of the heart. Our heart.
We have only to say, "God, change me."
As a post script, I want to say that if you're in a physically-abusive marriage, the best thing to do is leave. Don't date or marry or stray during the separation period. Just let the Lord restore the abusing spouse. Yes, it will take time. After the Lord has had his way with the abuser, it will be a glorious marriage, and all the glory will go to the Father.
And yet still, the leaving spouse needs to ask the Lord for a heart change; it will take a major heart change to allow the abused person to forgive and forget. Without this forgiveness, reconciliation would be short-lived, at best.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
blessings
Time to count some blessings:
1. Another awesome homeschooling playdate today. Weather was again perfect for hiking--at a new park this time. The children all waded in a lovely stream, looked for wildlife and thoroughly enjoyed each other's fellowship. A new child, Elizabeth, age 7 (and her dad) joined us. Elizabeth is another tomboy--a child after my Daniel's heart, much like Faith, the four-year-old who joins us every time. Only Elizabeth is Daniel's same age and she's more verbal and outgoing. Possibly the perfect friend for him. She collects as many creatures as Daniel and loves nature with the same intensity.
Her dad owns a toy shop; please say a quick prayer for him. Business is poor right now, due to the economy. He is struggling to stay open and had to recently apply for a credit card to get his car transmission fixed. Ouch. We can so relate to his struggles right now. God brought our two families together right now for a purpose, perhaps? Absolutely, I think. We can lend a listening ear, help take Elizabeth to activities, and have her over for playdates. It's a divorce situation, and dad is trying to homeschool her while continuing to run the business. She doesn't get as much social interaction as dad would like to provide.
2. I've mentioned that my husband probably has ADHD or ADD? He loses things frequently and needs help getting out the door with glasses, keys and wallet in hand. His inattentiveness means that he leaves knives within the kids' reach, forgets to lock the door at night, leaves the kids outside too long without supervision, leaves our two-year-old on the potty and forgets her....etc. He helps a lot, but I always have to be paying attention. I have to do a lot of checking. ADHD/ADD sufferers (kids AND adults) are commonly deemed lazy and irresponsible, by unknowing outsiders. Yes, an adult should know to put wallet/keys/glasses in the same place every time. It shouldn't be an issue before every outing, but it is. It's easy for me to get extremely irritated at all the ways this brain disorder makes my husband seem childlike. But God doesn't allow that. Don's dad couldn't take it (didn't understand it) and the two of them had a horrible relationship. God doesn't want that unhealthy pattern repeated between Don and me. So he gave me a son who struggles in related areas (less inattentive but more impulsive). Thus, I have an understanding of my husband's struggles. Most of the time I see these two not as the rest of the world sees them, but as God sees them. I can look for the glasses or keys for the millionth time and hand them over with a smile, knowing that my husband is doing his best. I look at him and I don't see lazy or irresponsible. I see unique, godly qualities. It's a privilege to extend grace toward my husband. It's a blessing that he extends it to me, everyday. My marriage is a blessing--such a rock in these troubled times.
3. I helped in AWANA at church the last two weeks. Timothy is in my class this year (Sparks K-2), along with Daniel. It's the first time I've seen Timothy in a classroom situation. He's a very good boy! I wanted to scoop him up tonight and squeeze the stuffing out of him--I was so proud! Daniel has his wiggle, tapping, and voice-volume issues, and needs to remember not to sit next to someone he'll talk to, but he is mostly good as well. They enjoy the lessons and activities, which are very well thought out.
Tonight the main teacher held up a piece of paper with a magnet behind it and a paper clip in front of it. The paper clip was being moved around by the magnet. The lesson was that we can't see God--like the paper clip can't see the magnet--but we can still be (must be) subject to his lead. Such visual demonstrations are valuable for kids like Timothy, who need to see, see, see to comprehend. AWANA is a blessing!
4. Another blessing that's come out of this bad economy has to do with my increased ability to extend grace toward strangers. Before, I was quicker to judge things I just didn't understand. The school I taught in for nine years comes to mind a lot now. It was a low-income area, with 90% of the student body receiving free lunch/breakfast. The teachers--me included--had a tendency to look down on the parents for failing to do any homework with their students, come to conferences, remember needed items, get rid of lice quickly, etc. We were easily irritated by what seemed to be blatant irresponsibility. Many of them didn't even work, or they were among the working poor (working part-time or full-time for a low wage).
Now that we are doing creative math with our checking account--juggling two part-time job paydays with partial unemployment disbursements--to get the mortgage and utilities paid and keep the meals coming, my eyes have been opened to how hard daily life is for the economically disadvantaged. Routine things take a lot longer to accomplish. You can't mail a bill because you don't have money for stamps...or you need groceries but you can only get a few things, until payday. You live on a day-to-day basis, spending more time shopping, bill paying, checkbook watching, etc. Nothing is simple or routine. There is a steady stream of financial issues, partially because you can't afford to do things well, or ahead of time, like fix that car properly, deal with that roof issue, buy clothes that last, buy resume paper, have enough gas to get to the interview, etc. I could go on and on.
We have God to lift us up and give us hope, but those families I worked with as a teacher didn't. Reading to their kids once a day was the last thing on their minds. They were just trying to survive. They couldn't get rid of lice quickly because buying the lice-removal equipment and having the quarters for all the extra loads of laundry was just too much of a burden. (No, my kids don't have lice...just an example.)
I'm deeply, deeply ashamed for every minute I spent judging them. No, I was never rude or even short with them; I behaved professionally. But my heart wasn't soft. There was no there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I sentiments. They should be trying harder, I thought. We all thought it, at that school. Shame on us! We had no idea! They were in a state of constant stress, with no hope of improvement. It wasn't temporary hardship due to a bad economy--it was a way of life. Some of them had never known anything different.
Passing judgement is folly. Always.
1. Another awesome homeschooling playdate today. Weather was again perfect for hiking--at a new park this time. The children all waded in a lovely stream, looked for wildlife and thoroughly enjoyed each other's fellowship. A new child, Elizabeth, age 7 (and her dad) joined us. Elizabeth is another tomboy--a child after my Daniel's heart, much like Faith, the four-year-old who joins us every time. Only Elizabeth is Daniel's same age and she's more verbal and outgoing. Possibly the perfect friend for him. She collects as many creatures as Daniel and loves nature with the same intensity.
Her dad owns a toy shop; please say a quick prayer for him. Business is poor right now, due to the economy. He is struggling to stay open and had to recently apply for a credit card to get his car transmission fixed. Ouch. We can so relate to his struggles right now. God brought our two families together right now for a purpose, perhaps? Absolutely, I think. We can lend a listening ear, help take Elizabeth to activities, and have her over for playdates. It's a divorce situation, and dad is trying to homeschool her while continuing to run the business. She doesn't get as much social interaction as dad would like to provide.
2. I've mentioned that my husband probably has ADHD or ADD? He loses things frequently and needs help getting out the door with glasses, keys and wallet in hand. His inattentiveness means that he leaves knives within the kids' reach, forgets to lock the door at night, leaves the kids outside too long without supervision, leaves our two-year-old on the potty and forgets her....etc. He helps a lot, but I always have to be paying attention. I have to do a lot of checking. ADHD/ADD sufferers (kids AND adults) are commonly deemed lazy and irresponsible, by unknowing outsiders. Yes, an adult should know to put wallet/keys/glasses in the same place every time. It shouldn't be an issue before every outing, but it is. It's easy for me to get extremely irritated at all the ways this brain disorder makes my husband seem childlike. But God doesn't allow that. Don's dad couldn't take it (didn't understand it) and the two of them had a horrible relationship. God doesn't want that unhealthy pattern repeated between Don and me. So he gave me a son who struggles in related areas (less inattentive but more impulsive). Thus, I have an understanding of my husband's struggles. Most of the time I see these two not as the rest of the world sees them, but as God sees them. I can look for the glasses or keys for the millionth time and hand them over with a smile, knowing that my husband is doing his best. I look at him and I don't see lazy or irresponsible. I see unique, godly qualities. It's a privilege to extend grace toward my husband. It's a blessing that he extends it to me, everyday. My marriage is a blessing--such a rock in these troubled times.
3. I helped in AWANA at church the last two weeks. Timothy is in my class this year (Sparks K-2), along with Daniel. It's the first time I've seen Timothy in a classroom situation. He's a very good boy! I wanted to scoop him up tonight and squeeze the stuffing out of him--I was so proud! Daniel has his wiggle, tapping, and voice-volume issues, and needs to remember not to sit next to someone he'll talk to, but he is mostly good as well. They enjoy the lessons and activities, which are very well thought out.
Tonight the main teacher held up a piece of paper with a magnet behind it and a paper clip in front of it. The paper clip was being moved around by the magnet. The lesson was that we can't see God--like the paper clip can't see the magnet--but we can still be (must be) subject to his lead. Such visual demonstrations are valuable for kids like Timothy, who need to see, see, see to comprehend. AWANA is a blessing!
4. Another blessing that's come out of this bad economy has to do with my increased ability to extend grace toward strangers. Before, I was quicker to judge things I just didn't understand. The school I taught in for nine years comes to mind a lot now. It was a low-income area, with 90% of the student body receiving free lunch/breakfast. The teachers--me included--had a tendency to look down on the parents for failing to do any homework with their students, come to conferences, remember needed items, get rid of lice quickly, etc. We were easily irritated by what seemed to be blatant irresponsibility. Many of them didn't even work, or they were among the working poor (working part-time or full-time for a low wage).
Now that we are doing creative math with our checking account--juggling two part-time job paydays with partial unemployment disbursements--to get the mortgage and utilities paid and keep the meals coming, my eyes have been opened to how hard daily life is for the economically disadvantaged. Routine things take a lot longer to accomplish. You can't mail a bill because you don't have money for stamps...or you need groceries but you can only get a few things, until payday. You live on a day-to-day basis, spending more time shopping, bill paying, checkbook watching, etc. Nothing is simple or routine. There is a steady stream of financial issues, partially because you can't afford to do things well, or ahead of time, like fix that car properly, deal with that roof issue, buy clothes that last, buy resume paper, have enough gas to get to the interview, etc. I could go on and on.
We have God to lift us up and give us hope, but those families I worked with as a teacher didn't. Reading to their kids once a day was the last thing on their minds. They were just trying to survive. They couldn't get rid of lice quickly because buying the lice-removal equipment and having the quarters for all the extra loads of laundry was just too much of a burden. (No, my kids don't have lice...just an example.)
I'm deeply, deeply ashamed for every minute I spent judging them. No, I was never rude or even short with them; I behaved professionally. But my heart wasn't soft. There was no there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I sentiments. They should be trying harder, I thought. We all thought it, at that school. Shame on us! We had no idea! They were in a state of constant stress, with no hope of improvement. It wasn't temporary hardship due to a bad economy--it was a way of life. Some of them had never known anything different.
Passing judgement is folly. Always.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
best hike ever
Oh! I'm giddy today. We went on another awesome homeschooling playdate, this time to a beautiful park with a lake trail. Three families hiked it together, and we all had such a wonderful time taking in the fellowship, and the delightful scenes of nature. How pleasant. How perfect. Lord, you're awesome.
Daniel caught his first salamander. His face all lit up, and his body doing a happy dance, he rushed over to me, exclaiming,"I caught a salamander! I've been waiting my whole life! Jesus blessed me so much! It's my luckiest day ever! I can't believe it!"
The salamander was the subject of several afternoon Internet searches. We now know to feed it cut up, live worms. Oh, gee. How lovely.
That yucky part aside, let me just say that I've never loved my Daniel more than I did at that moment. That boy loves life. His passion is contagious. Yes, his ADHD makes him hard to handle, but it also makes him rich. To possess a burning passion, to go after something with such unmatched determination....that is precious. He is a mere seven years old, and he already knows what he is about. His purpose is set--the study and enjoyment of nature. In a few weeks, fall leaves will stir up this same passion, on this same lake trail. I know my Daniel. We will check out leaf books from the library, peruse every park within an hour's drive, and my house will once again be taken over by fall leaves. That's my boy! Live, my Daniel. Live. And continue to thank God. Continue to worship him, through his creations.
There's more on the playdate, but time is short tonight.
The weather, by the way? Fully sunny, 74 degrees, no mosquitoes, no humidity, with a light, delightful breeze. It was the best hike ever.
Daniel caught his first salamander. His face all lit up, and his body doing a happy dance, he rushed over to me, exclaiming,"I caught a salamander! I've been waiting my whole life! Jesus blessed me so much! It's my luckiest day ever! I can't believe it!"
The salamander was the subject of several afternoon Internet searches. We now know to feed it cut up, live worms. Oh, gee. How lovely.
That yucky part aside, let me just say that I've never loved my Daniel more than I did at that moment. That boy loves life. His passion is contagious. Yes, his ADHD makes him hard to handle, but it also makes him rich. To possess a burning passion, to go after something with such unmatched determination....that is precious. He is a mere seven years old, and he already knows what he is about. His purpose is set--the study and enjoyment of nature. In a few weeks, fall leaves will stir up this same passion, on this same lake trail. I know my Daniel. We will check out leaf books from the library, peruse every park within an hour's drive, and my house will once again be taken over by fall leaves. That's my boy! Live, my Daniel. Live. And continue to thank God. Continue to worship him, through his creations.
There's more on the playdate, but time is short tonight.
The weather, by the way? Fully sunny, 74 degrees, no mosquitoes, no humidity, with a light, delightful breeze. It was the best hike ever.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
a lull in the action
Dare I say it? I think there is a lull in the action for the first time in awhile. God has answered that prayer.
Anna is sleeping well (no..not through the night yet), eating, and...wait for it...rash free!!!
Emily Rose is sleeping wonderfully at night and taking good naps!
No one else has gotten Anna's virus; we must all have immunity to this one.
Don is doing well in computer-tech school and really enjoys it! Yahoo! He may have found his niche. My dad gave us a 4 yr. old computer that Don can take apart and use as a learning aide.
My brother, who also suffers from ADD, has done wonderfully in the computer field without any degree; he has certifications only. My hunch is that the profession fits well with the handicaps and strengths inherent in the ADHD brain. Most importantly, their hyperfocus ability helps them keep up with sometimes-boring, highly-detailed, perpetually-changing technology. Okay, the sometimes-boring comment is a matter of opinion; computer technology IS boring to me. Just fix the thing, I say. Don't make me sit down and suffer through the specifics.
I do believe things are calm enough for me to begin planning a fall lesson schedule for the boys, as well as a simple one for Emily.
I'll be absent from this space for several days, as I devote my "free" time to planning.
Have a blessed week! Eat your produce, grains and be merry!
Anna is sleeping well (no..not through the night yet), eating, and...wait for it...rash free!!!
Emily Rose is sleeping wonderfully at night and taking good naps!
No one else has gotten Anna's virus; we must all have immunity to this one.
Don is doing well in computer-tech school and really enjoys it! Yahoo! He may have found his niche. My dad gave us a 4 yr. old computer that Don can take apart and use as a learning aide.
My brother, who also suffers from ADD, has done wonderfully in the computer field without any degree; he has certifications only. My hunch is that the profession fits well with the handicaps and strengths inherent in the ADHD brain. Most importantly, their hyperfocus ability helps them keep up with sometimes-boring, highly-detailed, perpetually-changing technology. Okay, the sometimes-boring comment is a matter of opinion; computer technology IS boring to me. Just fix the thing, I say. Don't make me sit down and suffer through the specifics.
I do believe things are calm enough for me to begin planning a fall lesson schedule for the boys, as well as a simple one for Emily.
I'll be absent from this space for several days, as I devote my "free" time to planning.
Have a blessed week! Eat your produce, grains and be merry!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
two things
Two things this morning. I found this post via the comments section of another blog. It is a wonderful, not-too-technical explanation of how the ADHD brain works. We have given up on the medication route for now, but in reading this post, I see that we may have given up too soon. Our doctor has been slowly, painfully taking us through all the available medications, and we've been so frustrated about not being able to find the right drug, in the right dose, that doesn't lead to the sleep, eating, and mood issues associated with ADHD drugs. Even the non-stimulant drug Strattera has many of the same side effects. I found this post to be a real blessing.
The other thing this morning is how much I love this writing-helps book (pictured). One of Daniel's workbox tasks for today is to write a thank you letter to his PA aunt, for the nice trip to the Amish farm. The aunt actually lives in Lamar, which is a very small town just outside of State College--where one of my readers lives! Hello CT!
If you plan on purchasing writing curriculum for next year, I highly recommend this Write Source resource.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Kids and the Sandman
This month I've been chronicling my efforts to infuse more outward joy into my day. This outward joy is not to be confused with my inward joy, which comes from the knowledge and assurance of my salvation in Christ, and from my relationship with Christ. That joy floods me whenever my favorite praise songs come on, and is powerful evidence of my spiritual transformation.
I wrote of my made-up joy songs; I would start singing whenever there was an incident threatening to rob me of joy, such as a major spill or a major behavior issue. Recently, Joy's post about her household triggers made me realize that I need to identify my own "triggers", so that I can pray through them, or avoid them altogether.
My joy-song method became counter-productive around here; they began causing the children to go into hyperactive, loud frenzies, from which they had trouble "coming down". One of the problems with having hyperactive kids is that when things get really happy or loosey goosey, you spend the next hour trying to get the household back down to earth, which usually involves one or more of them receiving consequences for not controlling themselves. While Daniel appears to be the only "officially hyperactive" one, Emily and Anna are close seconds. Any child between two and three will experience their highest lifetime activity level, according to the experts; so the jury is still out on Emily Rose's hyperactivity--time will tell more.
Anna is about the most wiggly baby you'll find; at six months, she is already crawling two steps or paces. And it takes two adults to bath her! You can't eat with her in your lap, due to her wiggling. Getting the food to your mouth while still keeping her in your lap is impossible. It is VERY common for there to be more than one ADD/ADHD child in a family, and also common for one or both parents to be similarly affected. I secretly think it's Don and he secretly thinks it's me. LOL
But that's digressing. As I read more about the struggles of other (homeschooling) women in regards to keeping a tidy house, I am getting to a place of acceptance about untidiness. That's not to say I won't keep working on it though. It is less of a trigger--although sticky, muddy floors will probably always get to me, and I'll probably continue to be on my hands and knees with wet paper towels 5 - 10 times a day.
One huge trigger that has followed me from the day I became a mom, is my preoccupation with my children's sleep patterns. Right now, Emily is still getting out of her crib before bedtime and before her nap, leading to less overall sleep. No, she isn't particularly cranky--something that the experts point out as a sign of too little sleep. And no, she isn't any MORE hyper than before--another sign of too little sleep. Yet she is getting less than the recommended sleep for her age, and less than she appeared to need even a month ago. We've been consistent in how we've dealt with it, but it continues. Could be the light coming into the room earlier than before, but there is little I can do about that. She has vertical blinds, which keep it pretty dark regardless.
Daniel is currently very excited about the fireflies, and rightly so. The trouble we have every year, from mid-June until the end of July, is that they light up around 9 p.m., and Daniel functions best when he is asleep by 8:30 p.m. We compromise and allow him to catch them every few nights, for fifteen minutes, after he has had his bath and his teeth brushed and his story time is done, leaving only prayer time and tuck in--which still puts him asleep at about 9:40 p.m. He's too excited to sleep before that, apparently from watching the flies light up his bedside. And what's the fun of catching them if one can't watch them do their lantern magic? I get all that. This is the stuff of which memories are made; we'd best not interfere too much.
The boys' sleep (and mine, Don's and Anna's) is also affected right now because when Emily gets out of her crib in the morning, she goes into the boys room and gets into bed with Daniel for a nice cuddle, (just precious--I agree) waking both boys, if they weren't already awake. She used to wake up around 8 or 8:30, but now it's between 6:30 and 7:00, meaning she should be asleep by 7:30 to 8:00 p.m. the night before. She's averaging 9:00 p.m., due to her continually getting out of her crib.
Anna's sleep is always affected when she has a cold, as she does now. The last few nights she has been up every hour or so. The mucous is so loose that the bulb suction does her no good; it only sends her into screaming fits.
All this to say that never-ending sleep issues is enough to drive me into a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad mood (or decade). This is likely to continue until Anna is nearly seven, so I definitely need to learn to disengage emotionally from sleep issues. After doing my part, I have to let it go. Instead, I stew, I pray, I research, I plot, I stress. And yet still, sleep issues continue to come up--different season, different issue--but there is always something.
And guess what? Vacation Bible School is coming up. It goes until 8:30 p.m., for five consecutive nights. Just shoot me!
And this post will now have to be labeled--to be continued. Anna Grace has been in here with me during her morning nap, from which she has awakened no less than three times! Time to channel the sandman once again.
Have a good day! I'll be busy over here trying to disengage emotionally from all the failed, my-nose-is-too-snotty baby naps.
And hanging on to this verse:
A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22
I wrote of my made-up joy songs; I would start singing whenever there was an incident threatening to rob me of joy, such as a major spill or a major behavior issue. Recently, Joy's post about her household triggers made me realize that I need to identify my own "triggers", so that I can pray through them, or avoid them altogether.
My joy-song method became counter-productive around here; they began causing the children to go into hyperactive, loud frenzies, from which they had trouble "coming down". One of the problems with having hyperactive kids is that when things get really happy or loosey goosey, you spend the next hour trying to get the household back down to earth, which usually involves one or more of them receiving consequences for not controlling themselves. While Daniel appears to be the only "officially hyperactive" one, Emily and Anna are close seconds. Any child between two and three will experience their highest lifetime activity level, according to the experts; so the jury is still out on Emily Rose's hyperactivity--time will tell more.
Anna is about the most wiggly baby you'll find; at six months, she is already crawling two steps or paces. And it takes two adults to bath her! You can't eat with her in your lap, due to her wiggling. Getting the food to your mouth while still keeping her in your lap is impossible. It is VERY common for there to be more than one ADD/ADHD child in a family, and also common for one or both parents to be similarly affected. I secretly think it's Don and he secretly thinks it's me. LOL
But that's digressing. As I read more about the struggles of other (homeschooling) women in regards to keeping a tidy house, I am getting to a place of acceptance about untidiness. That's not to say I won't keep working on it though. It is less of a trigger--although sticky, muddy floors will probably always get to me, and I'll probably continue to be on my hands and knees with wet paper towels 5 - 10 times a day.
One huge trigger that has followed me from the day I became a mom, is my preoccupation with my children's sleep patterns. Right now, Emily is still getting out of her crib before bedtime and before her nap, leading to less overall sleep. No, she isn't particularly cranky--something that the experts point out as a sign of too little sleep. And no, she isn't any MORE hyper than before--another sign of too little sleep. Yet she is getting less than the recommended sleep for her age, and less than she appeared to need even a month ago. We've been consistent in how we've dealt with it, but it continues. Could be the light coming into the room earlier than before, but there is little I can do about that. She has vertical blinds, which keep it pretty dark regardless.
Daniel is currently very excited about the fireflies, and rightly so. The trouble we have every year, from mid-June until the end of July, is that they light up around 9 p.m., and Daniel functions best when he is asleep by 8:30 p.m. We compromise and allow him to catch them every few nights, for fifteen minutes, after he has had his bath and his teeth brushed and his story time is done, leaving only prayer time and tuck in--which still puts him asleep at about 9:40 p.m. He's too excited to sleep before that, apparently from watching the flies light up his bedside. And what's the fun of catching them if one can't watch them do their lantern magic? I get all that. This is the stuff of which memories are made; we'd best not interfere too much.
The boys' sleep (and mine, Don's and Anna's) is also affected right now because when Emily gets out of her crib in the morning, she goes into the boys room and gets into bed with Daniel for a nice cuddle, (just precious--I agree) waking both boys, if they weren't already awake. She used to wake up around 8 or 8:30, but now it's between 6:30 and 7:00, meaning she should be asleep by 7:30 to 8:00 p.m. the night before. She's averaging 9:00 p.m., due to her continually getting out of her crib.
Anna's sleep is always affected when she has a cold, as she does now. The last few nights she has been up every hour or so. The mucous is so loose that the bulb suction does her no good; it only sends her into screaming fits.
All this to say that never-ending sleep issues is enough to drive me into a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad mood (or decade). This is likely to continue until Anna is nearly seven, so I definitely need to learn to disengage emotionally from sleep issues. After doing my part, I have to let it go. Instead, I stew, I pray, I research, I plot, I stress. And yet still, sleep issues continue to come up--different season, different issue--but there is always something.
And guess what? Vacation Bible School is coming up. It goes until 8:30 p.m., for five consecutive nights. Just shoot me!
And this post will now have to be labeled--to be continued. Anna Grace has been in here with me during her morning nap, from which she has awakened no less than three times! Time to channel the sandman once again.
Have a good day! I'll be busy over here trying to disengage emotionally from all the failed, my-nose-is-too-snotty baby naps.
And hanging on to this verse:
A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Emily's Funny Quote/ Online Bible Study
I've been quite absent-minded lately in my writing. I used the nonword "unexplainable" rather than "inexplicable". And "neurologist" rather than "urologist". It's crazy how I'll be going about my day and it will just pop into my brain suddenly--"Hey, you used the wrong word on that blog post." Weird. Must be that often when I'm writing during the day, I'm conscious of the fact that someone will need me momentarily, even though Daddy is out there holding down the fort. He isn't interest in blogs--even this one--but he does allow me time during the day to come in and record my random thoughts. I must come out of here more relaxed, maybe?
He'll start computer-tech school in July and currently still has the two part-time jobs, both of which are second shift for three hours each time. My life will become a whole lot crazier soon enough. A full-time job will come up hopefully soon, and along with school, it'll mean he is out of the house most of the time. God is really using this time to get me connected to more moms online, who really have Godly wisdom to share, humbly and with love. I'm so grateful for your blogs, Moms! Stay-at-home moms are so isolated! Even getting to a Bible Study is a monumental task with four kids--one of whom is an on-demand nursing baby! With so many moms wanting and willing to share about what God is doing in their lives, I get plenty of Bible Study online, complete with the accompanying Bible verses to jot down and use for reflection and prayer time. It's a beautiful thing!
Anyway, I wanted to run in here and quickly record one of Emily's funny quotes. To set it up, I must start with the fact that Daniel just loves nature--especially learning about and running after insects and amphibians. ADHD/ADD kids usually have something in their lives on which they hyperfocus. For Daniel, that is life science. He finds amphibians and insects around our yard, at the park with Daddy, and in the nearby drainage ditch (aka "the frog pond" LOL).
Every spring, summer and fall, my house is full of insect containers and makeshift frog/toad containers. One such frog container has been in the dining room, by the back door, for a few weeks now. It contains baby frogs and the insects he catches for them. It's a container that Don bought for Daniel at a pet store, with a snap-on lid. It is full of muddy water and mud, both of which I fear will ruin our nearly-white carpet. The carpet didn't look that white when we saw a small square of it at the carpet place. Beware of using small square samples as a guide in choosing new carpet. Really, it seemed beige more than anything else.
But I digress. Daniel keeps carrying that container around, and I find it in the playroom or in his room every few days. I fully support him in his interests, but carrying around that filthy container just isn't allowed. So I keep saying, with a not-very-patient voice, that the filthy contents could easily spill and ruin the carpet. "Please keep it on the back-door carpet!"
Well, yesterday, it was at the back door where it is supposed to be, and Daniel opened it up to show Emily the frogs. Emily is always picking up the bigger frogs from the big aquarium we have outside-- for Daniel's creatures. She is a real tomboy actually, while still having that nurturing femininity. I was very surprised when she responded to Daniel--in all seriousness--with the word "Filthy!". I burst out laughing! Listening to her imitate me sounded so funny. It was also a humble reminder that they pick up on our attitudes so quickly. I'm not partial to touching frogs myself, but I really DO want my children to love nature!
I love that my kids can touch bits of nature here. When we lived in California, Daniel once picked up a black widow spider, sending us to the Urgent Care, where they decided it probably hadn't bitten him. What a relief it has been to be in Ohio, where harmless wild life is abundant in our yard--katydids, praying mantises, various beautiful spiders, amphibians, squirrels, chipmunks, non-poisonous snakes (see those infrequently), and an array of birds. What a blessing, God!
Reflecting on this reminds me, God, to thank you for all of it! Thank you for these precious, curious children--for their noise, their messes, their liveliness, their sense of wonder. May they grow in knowledge of you daily, by delighting in your creations. You are an awesome God! May we as parents reflect your love daily, despite the adult concerns that often cloud our vision. May we more often see the world, and our lives, as simply as our children do. We have much to learn from them. Thank you that they sharpen us--help to sanctify us. In your name, Amen!
He'll start computer-tech school in July and currently still has the two part-time jobs, both of which are second shift for three hours each time. My life will become a whole lot crazier soon enough. A full-time job will come up hopefully soon, and along with school, it'll mean he is out of the house most of the time. God is really using this time to get me connected to more moms online, who really have Godly wisdom to share, humbly and with love. I'm so grateful for your blogs, Moms! Stay-at-home moms are so isolated! Even getting to a Bible Study is a monumental task with four kids--one of whom is an on-demand nursing baby! With so many moms wanting and willing to share about what God is doing in their lives, I get plenty of Bible Study online, complete with the accompanying Bible verses to jot down and use for reflection and prayer time. It's a beautiful thing!
Anyway, I wanted to run in here and quickly record one of Emily's funny quotes. To set it up, I must start with the fact that Daniel just loves nature--especially learning about and running after insects and amphibians. ADHD/ADD kids usually have something in their lives on which they hyperfocus. For Daniel, that is life science. He finds amphibians and insects around our yard, at the park with Daddy, and in the nearby drainage ditch (aka "the frog pond" LOL).
Every spring, summer and fall, my house is full of insect containers and makeshift frog/toad containers. One such frog container has been in the dining room, by the back door, for a few weeks now. It contains baby frogs and the insects he catches for them. It's a container that Don bought for Daniel at a pet store, with a snap-on lid. It is full of muddy water and mud, both of which I fear will ruin our nearly-white carpet. The carpet didn't look that white when we saw a small square of it at the carpet place. Beware of using small square samples as a guide in choosing new carpet. Really, it seemed beige more than anything else.
But I digress. Daniel keeps carrying that container around, and I find it in the playroom or in his room every few days. I fully support him in his interests, but carrying around that filthy container just isn't allowed. So I keep saying, with a not-very-patient voice, that the filthy contents could easily spill and ruin the carpet. "Please keep it on the back-door carpet!"
Well, yesterday, it was at the back door where it is supposed to be, and Daniel opened it up to show Emily the frogs. Emily is always picking up the bigger frogs from the big aquarium we have outside-- for Daniel's creatures. She is a real tomboy actually, while still having that nurturing femininity. I was very surprised when she responded to Daniel--in all seriousness--with the word "Filthy!". I burst out laughing! Listening to her imitate me sounded so funny. It was also a humble reminder that they pick up on our attitudes so quickly. I'm not partial to touching frogs myself, but I really DO want my children to love nature!
I love that my kids can touch bits of nature here. When we lived in California, Daniel once picked up a black widow spider, sending us to the Urgent Care, where they decided it probably hadn't bitten him. What a relief it has been to be in Ohio, where harmless wild life is abundant in our yard--katydids, praying mantises, various beautiful spiders, amphibians, squirrels, chipmunks, non-poisonous snakes (see those infrequently), and an array of birds. What a blessing, God!
Reflecting on this reminds me, God, to thank you for all of it! Thank you for these precious, curious children--for their noise, their messes, their liveliness, their sense of wonder. May they grow in knowledge of you daily, by delighting in your creations. You are an awesome God! May we as parents reflect your love daily, despite the adult concerns that often cloud our vision. May we more often see the world, and our lives, as simply as our children do. We have much to learn from them. Thank you that they sharpen us--help to sanctify us. In your name, Amen!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Go-To Verse and ADHD
We took Daniel off of ADHD meds three days ago. When we started back in late January with this medical-intervention journey, we were hopeful. Trying medication was something we felt we had to do. I'm glad we did, but I must say I'm very happy to have my son back. It was a bit of a disaster, to say the least. The whole experience has driven home that my son is "fearfully and wonderfully made". ADHD is difficult--especially when a family is undergoing change of any kind--but the condition also gifts a child with some unique characteristics, which may serve Daniel very well in his life, and be part of God's plan for his future. So we've decided to mercy him and love him, just the way he is, and keep reciting our go-to verse.
James 1:2
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..
James 1:2
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..
Monday, April 27, 2009
Goodbye Adderall
Goodbye, Adderall. This morning after being given a fifteen-minute heads-up about having to make his bed, Daniel went into a horribly ugly fit. Don and I looked at each other ten minutes into it, and we both knew we were done with the amphetamine solution. The only benefit to the drug, in retrospect, was that he got more school work done. But, the school work was done carelessly, involving more errors and sloppiness than we had previously seen. He is losing too much weight and isn't sleeping soundly - both of which might contribute to mood swings.
I just put a call in to the doctor, wondering what else he has up his medically-trained sleeve.
I just put a call in to the doctor, wondering what else he has up his medically-trained sleeve.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Dishing it back at me
It was hot again today. Nobody was really in the mood for pictures, but I wanted some with our tulips. Most of this planter box is covered with them.
Grandpa got them matching shirts.
She's a wiggle worm, that Emily Rose. This was the best look of her face, believe it or not. From the looks of my shirt, I forgot to hook my nursing bra again. Hate when that happens.
It's soooo hot, Mommy! Are we done yet?
Hunting for eggs with Auntie Lorrie after church on Easter Sunday. My husband won't do Santa Claus, or Halloween, but for some reason, he allows Easter hunts (but no mentioning of that bunny guy allowed, except to explain that he's part of a story). I think it's because he loves the outdoors, and he loves chocolate. LOL
Borrowing Mommy's mirror to put on lipstick (which is actually chapstick). Yes, while on the potty.
Easter afternoon, which ended up being sunny and about 50 degrees.I dished out some harsh stuff to the Lord in this morning's post. And he dished out good stuff right back at me. God can take our anger, our pain, our blame, and love us all the while. When we're done, he gives us wisdom. We lack so many things in our humanity, and wisdom is a huge one. Not all our conversations with him have to be civil, I'm finding. He wants communion with us, despite our mood.
Love is a verb, God tells me. It was always meant to be so. Children will have unlovable ways, but we are still called to EXERCISE love. We must dig down as deep as it takes, even in the most frustrating of circumstances. Do love. We must do love.
God reminded me today, while I tried, to no avail, to nap with the baby, that Daniel truly doesn't want to be so hateful, so defiant, so oppositional. He feels quite often, the way I feel only when I'm sleep deprived - like I could cry easily, short-tempered, very easily frustrated. When the remorse over his outbursts sets in, he gets even more frustrated, because he has no idea how to change.
He struggles mightily to calm down, after the most minor disappointments. God showed me that instead of being reactionary, I should work with Daniel to help him calm down - such as rocking with him in the rocking chair, singing to him while I stroke his hair or his cheek. These don't sound like things we would normally do with seven year olds, but I have to remember that his neurological handicap doesn't allow him to self-soothe the way a 7 year old should. Some will say it's babying him and not solving anything. But trying to discipline him out of a fit only escalates and prolongs the agony for the whole family.
If I show him how to soothe, he can hopefully learn to utilize calming techniques in my absence. The key is for us to not take the outbursts personally, so that we remain outside observers, rather than participants.
God reminded me of a lot today. Good stuff. Now maybe tonight he'll allow me to sleep.
Stages
Good Sunday morning to you. It was 85 degrees here yesterday! Hope you are enjoying warmth of your own! The children had a blast on the slip 'n slide yesterday. Yes - I know. I should have taken photos. Instead, I was out on the porch waist deep in clothes and storage bins!
And by the way, Daddy set the lawnmower very low and mowed away the monstery dandelions. I have a feeling we shouldn't bother putting the lawnmower back in the over-crowded shed. This entire Township is littered with dandelions for about six weeks every spring. Our first spring here, we were shocked.
Arwen suggested that maybe the fearful behaviors I wrote about yesterday might be normal childhood behaviors. I hope so Arwen! If any of you out there have children with flower fears, or other seemingly-irrational fears, please comment! It would be encouraging, especially if there aren't any phobias in your family history.
Insomnia reared its ugly head in the wee hours. Usually it's a negative thing, but this time I may have stumbled upon something helpful.
You've heard of the stages of grief? Although they are usually associated with losing a loved one, I know they can also occur after a disappointing diagnosis, a divorce, etc.
Denial - This isn't happening to me.
Anger- Why is this happening to me?
Bargaining - I promise I'll be a better person if...
Depression - I don't care anymore.
Acceptance - I'm ready for whatever comes.
ADHD isn't something that is diagnosed via blood or other tests. Consequently, receiving a diagnosis isn't necessarily a definitive event. There can be many reasons children display the characteristics of ADHD at certain points in their lives. The best medicine can do is say a child probably has it. The diagnosis becomes more sure after a few years, when other possibilities can be ruled out.
We've come to the point at which we can be 90% certain that Daniel has this. I realized in the wee hours that I am experiencing the anger stage of grief. I've been pushing it away, thinking that a Christian shouldn't be feeling so much anger.
One thing I do know about grief is that you can't run away from it. You have to go through it, if you want peace to take residence in your heart again. It is a matter of discipline really. Running away from it feels easier, but it only prolongs the pain.
So, as a matter of discipline, I would just like to say:
God, how could you!
How could you allow such an ugly thing to happen to my child! I only want to love my children with all my heart, and you've allowed something to get in the way! Half the time, I despise my son for what he puts us through! How awful! How ugly! How tragic! I hate what you've allowed. I hate it!
I hate that we had to put our son on an amphetamine! Disgusting, God! Disgusting! I hate that his legs and arms have gotten so skinny! My heart aches mightily that I have to remind him now to snack, and to finish his meals! Daniel - my boy who loves food! How could you! A drug, God! We put our son on a drug! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! You didn't heal! You didn't!
But I still love YOU, with all my heart. And I know you have great plans for my son!
And by the way, Daddy set the lawnmower very low and mowed away the monstery dandelions. I have a feeling we shouldn't bother putting the lawnmower back in the over-crowded shed. This entire Township is littered with dandelions for about six weeks every spring. Our first spring here, we were shocked.
Arwen suggested that maybe the fearful behaviors I wrote about yesterday might be normal childhood behaviors. I hope so Arwen! If any of you out there have children with flower fears, or other seemingly-irrational fears, please comment! It would be encouraging, especially if there aren't any phobias in your family history.
Insomnia reared its ugly head in the wee hours. Usually it's a negative thing, but this time I may have stumbled upon something helpful.
You've heard of the stages of grief? Although they are usually associated with losing a loved one, I know they can also occur after a disappointing diagnosis, a divorce, etc.
Denial - This isn't happening to me.
Anger- Why is this happening to me?
Bargaining - I promise I'll be a better person if...
Depression - I don't care anymore.
Acceptance - I'm ready for whatever comes.
ADHD isn't something that is diagnosed via blood or other tests. Consequently, receiving a diagnosis isn't necessarily a definitive event. There can be many reasons children display the characteristics of ADHD at certain points in their lives. The best medicine can do is say a child probably has it. The diagnosis becomes more sure after a few years, when other possibilities can be ruled out.
We've come to the point at which we can be 90% certain that Daniel has this. I realized in the wee hours that I am experiencing the anger stage of grief. I've been pushing it away, thinking that a Christian shouldn't be feeling so much anger.
One thing I do know about grief is that you can't run away from it. You have to go through it, if you want peace to take residence in your heart again. It is a matter of discipline really. Running away from it feels easier, but it only prolongs the pain.
So, as a matter of discipline, I would just like to say:
God, how could you!
How could you allow such an ugly thing to happen to my child! I only want to love my children with all my heart, and you've allowed something to get in the way! Half the time, I despise my son for what he puts us through! How awful! How ugly! How tragic! I hate what you've allowed. I hate it!
I hate that we had to put our son on an amphetamine! Disgusting, God! Disgusting! I hate that his legs and arms have gotten so skinny! My heart aches mightily that I have to remind him now to snack, and to finish his meals! Daniel - my boy who loves food! How could you! A drug, God! We put our son on a drug! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! You didn't heal! You didn't!
But I still love YOU, with all my heart. And I know you have great plans for my son!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Molly's Question - What's Your Dinner Style?"
Molly over at the MommyCoddle blog (featured right) asked a great question today - "What is your dinner style?" Her post is entitled "another simple question".
She got some wonderful answers with great tips. Our style is Chaotic with a capital C. Glad to hear that gets better when kids get older. I'm also glad to hear we're not the only family who can't seem to get through dinner without going back to the kitchen a hundred times. Add an ADHD child in the mix, who can't stay seated to save his life, and you've pretty much got stress as a side dish.
Pop over there - she's got a great blog and takes wonderful photos.
She got some wonderful answers with great tips. Our style is Chaotic with a capital C. Glad to hear that gets better when kids get older. I'm also glad to hear we're not the only family who can't seem to get through dinner without going back to the kitchen a hundred times. Add an ADHD child in the mix, who can't stay seated to save his life, and you've pretty much got stress as a side dish.
Pop over there - she's got a great blog and takes wonderful photos.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A Dark Side
Last night I wrote mostly about the warm fuzzies of parenting. Life with young children is as messy as it is warm and fuzzy, and in light of that, today's post is about yelling. As hard as it is, I want to be real - dirty laundry and all. A journalist merely relays information, but a writer speaks of the human condition. If I hope to write someday, I must be brave enough to reveal all sides of the human heart - mine included.
On the weekends, Daniel doesn't usually get his ADHD med. Meant for school days only - holidays, vacations and weekends are supposed to be med-free zones. However, we had school days to make up from the aftermath of Anna's December birth, and we've been using some Saturdays to make them up; on those days, we give the med. But with Daniel only having some Bible Study and science to complete yesterday, we decided he should skip it.
Well, he was horrible, from morning to night. Obviously the medicine is working better than we thought. We just needed a comparison. By midday, I pleaded with my husband to take the boys somewhere. I felt like I hated Daniel; I couldn't deal with him another minute. This is the tragedy of ADHD, and the main justification for medicine, in my view. These children, all children, need a sufficient amount of positive interaction in order to develop normally. That is jeopardized in an ADHD household.
How can a parent feel hate toward their child, you might wonder? You have to live it to understand.
Anyway, back to Saturday. Shamefully, I was yelling a lot, which wasn't fair to anyone in the family. Not all the offenses required a consequence - some were just meant to annoy, and were better ignored.
If you only have babies and toddlers right now, you can't envision ever doing any yelling. You will likely feel judgemental toward me for this offense, and that's okay. I felt the same way, back in the day.
I don't know how God speaks to you, but with me, he often uses phrases from the Bible, from the news, from my husband, from a friend or fellow Christian, or from one of my children. Today he spoke loudly and clearly to me about my yelling. I was reading a shocking article about five children who were slain by their biological father. Within the story was a quote from a neighbor: "We often heard the father yelling at the children." That sentence resonated. Feeling immediate shame, I knew I had to stop yelling, for the sake of my own family, and because neighbors might be taking it in. That would ruin any Christian witness, which is unacceptable to God.
The Lord was merciful, in pointing out that I needed to do something about my late nights. I hadn't connected the increased yelling to the lack of sleep, but God did. Beginning tonight, I will be in bed no later than 11:30 p.m. My justification for staying up has always been that I needed time to wind down from a full day with young, needy children, as well as to make a dent in the paperwork/housework. There is always a balance that must be struck, and I wasn't striking it.
When God asks something new of us, it is my experience that he partners with us, as long as we are willing to acknowledge his message, and submit our will to him - the craftsman. We are mistaken if we think he wants us to solve it in our own strength; we only spin our wheels and get discouraged. Mostly, our role is to acknowledge, repent, and step aside.
On the weekends, Daniel doesn't usually get his ADHD med. Meant for school days only - holidays, vacations and weekends are supposed to be med-free zones. However, we had school days to make up from the aftermath of Anna's December birth, and we've been using some Saturdays to make them up; on those days, we give the med. But with Daniel only having some Bible Study and science to complete yesterday, we decided he should skip it.
Well, he was horrible, from morning to night. Obviously the medicine is working better than we thought. We just needed a comparison. By midday, I pleaded with my husband to take the boys somewhere. I felt like I hated Daniel; I couldn't deal with him another minute. This is the tragedy of ADHD, and the main justification for medicine, in my view. These children, all children, need a sufficient amount of positive interaction in order to develop normally. That is jeopardized in an ADHD household.
How can a parent feel hate toward their child, you might wonder? You have to live it to understand.
Anyway, back to Saturday. Shamefully, I was yelling a lot, which wasn't fair to anyone in the family. Not all the offenses required a consequence - some were just meant to annoy, and were better ignored.
If you only have babies and toddlers right now, you can't envision ever doing any yelling. You will likely feel judgemental toward me for this offense, and that's okay. I felt the same way, back in the day.
I don't know how God speaks to you, but with me, he often uses phrases from the Bible, from the news, from my husband, from a friend or fellow Christian, or from one of my children. Today he spoke loudly and clearly to me about my yelling. I was reading a shocking article about five children who were slain by their biological father. Within the story was a quote from a neighbor: "We often heard the father yelling at the children." That sentence resonated. Feeling immediate shame, I knew I had to stop yelling, for the sake of my own family, and because neighbors might be taking it in. That would ruin any Christian witness, which is unacceptable to God.
The Lord was merciful, in pointing out that I needed to do something about my late nights. I hadn't connected the increased yelling to the lack of sleep, but God did. Beginning tonight, I will be in bed no later than 11:30 p.m. My justification for staying up has always been that I needed time to wind down from a full day with young, needy children, as well as to make a dent in the paperwork/housework. There is always a balance that must be struck, and I wasn't striking it.
When God asks something new of us, it is my experience that he partners with us, as long as we are willing to acknowledge his message, and submit our will to him - the craftsman. We are mistaken if we think he wants us to solve it in our own strength; we only spin our wheels and get discouraged. Mostly, our role is to acknowledge, repent, and step aside.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Banana Punishment
While people the world over argue about whether Michelle Obama goofed in putting her arm around Her Royal Highness's shoulder, I tackle the real issues. Like discipline, and learning to respond, rather than react, to my tiny family of four young'uns. The react/respond distinction came from the 9ndHouse blog, featured on the sidebar. I trust as gospel what any homeschooling mother of seven says about discipline!
Last month I contemplated the fact that Daniel was still having small to large-size fits whenever "recess" ended, and the next school subject began. It had been going on awhile, despite us trying time-outs, loss of privileges, and spankings. Finally, one day, as I was reading an argument about whether waterboarding really constituted torture, I thought to myself - I really need to throw out the military field guide and come up with "painful" consequences. As a teacher, you are stuck with a small arsenal, but no so as a parent; I realized I was stuck in a field-guide rut.
So following his next fit, I told Daniel he had to spend the entire day in his room, coming out only for meals and bathroom breaks. And guess what.......It worked! Smooth school-day transitions have resulted. He's been in "jail" only once since that day. At the ADHD appointment with his pediatrician that month, I discussed how this punishment had worked, acknowledging that it was perhaps excessive. He applauded me, and mentioned that he has parents tell him that timeout only makes their (ADHD) kids laugh. Use what works, he recommended.
Another more infrequent behavior I just loathed, was when Daniel would break the no-earlier-than 7 a.m. rising rule. When this happened, we would confront him, send him back to bed, and then deal with a half-hour of turmoil, during which the whole house would awaken. This blood-boiling string of events occurred perhaps five times a month, with yesterday being one of them. Instead of sending him back to bed, and risking him waking his brother, I told him to go to the playroom while I thought of a fitting consequence. After an hour of serious thought, I told him he could have all his meals, but no snacks at all, except for bananas, the entire day. Now, Daniel, skinny though he is, lives to eat. He has high metabolism and really enjoys food, like his Daddy, who is also lean. Usual snacks are cheese sticks, whole wheat buns, cashews, whole wheat chips, strawberries, etc. I knew that he regarded bananas as seriously boring.
Well, the child immediately began crying. It was like I had sentenced him to Alcatraz. He tried to talk his way out of this, by telling me after lunch that buns were very healthy, and weren't we supposed to have 6-9 servings of whole grains daily, after all? I responded that I was glad he remembered his science lesson, but I knew he really liked buns, and that's why I chose bananas.
Take no prisoners, I tell you. Don't feel like you have to come up with a consequence immediately. That's more of a reaction, rather than a response.
Last month I contemplated the fact that Daniel was still having small to large-size fits whenever "recess" ended, and the next school subject began. It had been going on awhile, despite us trying time-outs, loss of privileges, and spankings. Finally, one day, as I was reading an argument about whether waterboarding really constituted torture, I thought to myself - I really need to throw out the military field guide and come up with "painful" consequences. As a teacher, you are stuck with a small arsenal, but no so as a parent; I realized I was stuck in a field-guide rut.
So following his next fit, I told Daniel he had to spend the entire day in his room, coming out only for meals and bathroom breaks. And guess what.......It worked! Smooth school-day transitions have resulted. He's been in "jail" only once since that day. At the ADHD appointment with his pediatrician that month, I discussed how this punishment had worked, acknowledging that it was perhaps excessive. He applauded me, and mentioned that he has parents tell him that timeout only makes their (ADHD) kids laugh. Use what works, he recommended.
Another more infrequent behavior I just loathed, was when Daniel would break the no-earlier-than 7 a.m. rising rule. When this happened, we would confront him, send him back to bed, and then deal with a half-hour of turmoil, during which the whole house would awaken. This blood-boiling string of events occurred perhaps five times a month, with yesterday being one of them. Instead of sending him back to bed, and risking him waking his brother, I told him to go to the playroom while I thought of a fitting consequence. After an hour of serious thought, I told him he could have all his meals, but no snacks at all, except for bananas, the entire day. Now, Daniel, skinny though he is, lives to eat. He has high metabolism and really enjoys food, like his Daddy, who is also lean. Usual snacks are cheese sticks, whole wheat buns, cashews, whole wheat chips, strawberries, etc. I knew that he regarded bananas as seriously boring.
Well, the child immediately began crying. It was like I had sentenced him to Alcatraz. He tried to talk his way out of this, by telling me after lunch that buns were very healthy, and weren't we supposed to have 6-9 servings of whole grains daily, after all? I responded that I was glad he remembered his science lesson, but I knew he really liked buns, and that's why I chose bananas.
Take no prisoners, I tell you. Don't feel like you have to come up with a consequence immediately. That's more of a reaction, rather than a response.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Unemployment
Have you ever been on unemployment? Believe me, it's government take over. Of your life! Our heads are spinning.
It all started when Don found out more about the mentally challenged individual he was set to work with. Turns out, the man displays behaviors that are too much like Daniel's. Don worried that he wouldn't be able to handle a steady diet of that at home and at work, so he turned down the employment. It didn't pay benefits, and the pay was far less than what he previously had. All those factors contributed to his decision, as well as concern for the client having to adjust to another caregiver, should Don not be able to handle the situation.
In the meantime, we received correspondence from employment, including a vaguely written pamphlet that introduces you to the system. It HINTS at scary things, like what actions might result in your benefits being taken away, or stopped. Turns out, you can't turn down employment, unless it is for "just cause" and follows Ohio law. However, the "law" is never explained, other than suggesting that you can turn down employment if you are not qualified for it, or it infringes on your morals.
So of course, upon reading this, we felt like hyperventilating. I called to ask some clarification questions about several vague areas in the pamphlet. For example, you have to apply for at least two jobs per week in your area, or you will have to give up your benefits. I was told Don should be careful what he applies for, because if he turns work down, he could lose his benefits. Agencies can contact them with lists of people who turn down work. So I asked what would happen if there weren't two suitable jobs posted in his area in a given week, and he ends up with only one contact for that week. "Then his benefits would be stopped. He has to have at least two contacts a week", responded the attendant.
I indicated that we had an ADHD son and my husband didn't want a job that would include work with someone who displayed the same behaviors. I asked her what we should do if that comes up, given that you don't know who you will work with until after you are offered the job. She indicated that you are sent paperwork to fill out about why you turned down employment, and they process it and decide if your reason has merit, and follows Ohio law.
So, you can't apply for low-paying jobs, or jobs without benefits, if you aren't prepared to take them. But, if you don't find at least two jobs posted for a given week, you are forced to apply for low-paying jobs, in hopes you won't be offered them. Yikes! Is your head spinning like mine? Or, can you get around that scenario by applying for a job you aren't qualified for, just so you can meet your two-contact commitment, and so you'll have a legitimate reason to turn work down (not qualified). The whole thing makes us feel like criminals, even though we fully intend on following it to the letter, whatever the consequences. Just calling to ask questions makes us fear they are going to trace our phone call and accuse us of cheating. I know many people do, so they have to be careful, but as Don said today, "I'd rather work an eighty-hour week then deal with these people and their system!"
Another question I had this week was about Don's surgery. He was supposed to be back to normal within a few days, but that didn't end up being the case. So we figured he just shouldn't apply for this week, since he wasn't "able to work" for a few days. They asked when the surgery was, and I told them last Friday. And then the attendant said, "Then he wasn't able to work last week either!" I said he certainly would have postponed the surgery if he had obtained work. But she retorted that they could have called him for a job that week, and he wouldn't have been available that day. So now we have to call back and tell them to take back last week's benefits, because of the surgery on Friday. We didn't even know they sent people out on jobs!
So now we are hyperventilating over the fact that if we don't apply for benefits for last week or this week (due to surgery), and then they receive word from the disabled client-care agency that Don turned down work, they are going to think we told a lie about the surgery, just so we wouldn't have to give our reason for turning down employment this week. Can you see what a mess government involvement is? I now completely sympathize with the banks who received a bailout. I'm sure they're pulling their hair out and drowning in regret.
Don kept trying to call all day to tell them they needed to stop action on last week's benefits, because he had surgery on Friday. He kept getting the "high call volume - call back later" recording, and then at 4 o'clock, he got the "we're closed" recording.
Interesting, God, what you have us going through. Feeling how oppressive government is makes me fear all the more for our country. Our president is governing "to the left of Sweden and France". Not a good scenario.
It all started when Don found out more about the mentally challenged individual he was set to work with. Turns out, the man displays behaviors that are too much like Daniel's. Don worried that he wouldn't be able to handle a steady diet of that at home and at work, so he turned down the employment. It didn't pay benefits, and the pay was far less than what he previously had. All those factors contributed to his decision, as well as concern for the client having to adjust to another caregiver, should Don not be able to handle the situation.
In the meantime, we received correspondence from employment, including a vaguely written pamphlet that introduces you to the system. It HINTS at scary things, like what actions might result in your benefits being taken away, or stopped. Turns out, you can't turn down employment, unless it is for "just cause" and follows Ohio law. However, the "law" is never explained, other than suggesting that you can turn down employment if you are not qualified for it, or it infringes on your morals.
So of course, upon reading this, we felt like hyperventilating. I called to ask some clarification questions about several vague areas in the pamphlet. For example, you have to apply for at least two jobs per week in your area, or you will have to give up your benefits. I was told Don should be careful what he applies for, because if he turns work down, he could lose his benefits. Agencies can contact them with lists of people who turn down work. So I asked what would happen if there weren't two suitable jobs posted in his area in a given week, and he ends up with only one contact for that week. "Then his benefits would be stopped. He has to have at least two contacts a week", responded the attendant.
I indicated that we had an ADHD son and my husband didn't want a job that would include work with someone who displayed the same behaviors. I asked her what we should do if that comes up, given that you don't know who you will work with until after you are offered the job. She indicated that you are sent paperwork to fill out about why you turned down employment, and they process it and decide if your reason has merit, and follows Ohio law.
So, you can't apply for low-paying jobs, or jobs without benefits, if you aren't prepared to take them. But, if you don't find at least two jobs posted for a given week, you are forced to apply for low-paying jobs, in hopes you won't be offered them. Yikes! Is your head spinning like mine? Or, can you get around that scenario by applying for a job you aren't qualified for, just so you can meet your two-contact commitment, and so you'll have a legitimate reason to turn work down (not qualified). The whole thing makes us feel like criminals, even though we fully intend on following it to the letter, whatever the consequences. Just calling to ask questions makes us fear they are going to trace our phone call and accuse us of cheating. I know many people do, so they have to be careful, but as Don said today, "I'd rather work an eighty-hour week then deal with these people and their system!"
Another question I had this week was about Don's surgery. He was supposed to be back to normal within a few days, but that didn't end up being the case. So we figured he just shouldn't apply for this week, since he wasn't "able to work" for a few days. They asked when the surgery was, and I told them last Friday. And then the attendant said, "Then he wasn't able to work last week either!" I said he certainly would have postponed the surgery if he had obtained work. But she retorted that they could have called him for a job that week, and he wouldn't have been available that day. So now we have to call back and tell them to take back last week's benefits, because of the surgery on Friday. We didn't even know they sent people out on jobs!
So now we are hyperventilating over the fact that if we don't apply for benefits for last week or this week (due to surgery), and then they receive word from the disabled client-care agency that Don turned down work, they are going to think we told a lie about the surgery, just so we wouldn't have to give our reason for turning down employment this week. Can you see what a mess government involvement is? I now completely sympathize with the banks who received a bailout. I'm sure they're pulling their hair out and drowning in regret.
Don kept trying to call all day to tell them they needed to stop action on last week's benefits, because he had surgery on Friday. He kept getting the "high call volume - call back later" recording, and then at 4 o'clock, he got the "we're closed" recording.
Interesting, God, what you have us going through. Feeling how oppressive government is makes me fear all the more for our country. Our president is governing "to the left of Sweden and France". Not a good scenario.
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