The Countings of Blessings - Sunday

- I have a little girl, Emily Rose, who wakes up every day looking for her Momma.  When she finds me, she flashes me her sleepy smile, and says,  "Hi, Mommy.  I luv you", in her still-sleepy voice.  And after I've taken her in my arms and cherished the moment, she says "Fank you, Mommy."

- I've been given the opportunity to make Christmas about something other than spending money, wrapping presents, and rushing around town fighting crowds.  If we had the money to shop, we would--for what parent does not want to grant at least some of their children's Christmas wishes, or give nice things to relatives?  The pressure to shop is pervasive and powerful in our culture, and it takes up all of our extra time.  But when children grow up, the memories of laboring with love together at Christmas (on bundles of cookies to give away, on stringing popcorn, on helping the needy) will mean far more than a tree crowded with presents.  So thank you, God, for forcing me to make it about togetherness and working toward the goal of blessing others.

- Thank you for four happy, healthy, active children, who force me to lean on you all the day long.  I would surely lean on myself, and stumble more with pride, if daily life with them weren't so challenging.

- Thank you for the blessing of online friends, for whom I can pray.  It's a privilege to share their burdens, and for them to share mine.  For surely, if we only had phones, I would rarely connect with anyone in this season of life.

- Thank you for a husband who loves me unconditionally, who never pressures me, who forgives instantly and keeps no record of wrongs.

- Thank you for a low house payment, and a big yard.

- Thank you for the freedom to write about you, teach about you, and worship you, without fear.

- Thank you that since the job loss in March, we've not had a single delinquent house payment.

- Thank you for Don's school grant, and for the opportunity to work with his head, after so many years of working with his hands.  There are blessings to both, but his heart has desired this for a very long time.  Thank you for forcing him to put fears aside, so he could take the next step.

Saturday fun

My advice?  If you've just mopped your floor, and the kids are out playing in the backyard, lock all the doors!  For if you step away from your door-guarding duty, you know what will happen.

Okay, sister.  I'll show you how it's done.  To get the maximum-decibel impact, just watch me.

been there done that

If statistics mean anything, of the thirty readers who frequent this blog, approximately 3 might deal with unemployment in the coming year.  I've come across two recent posts written by women who've gone through this in the last decade.  I hope their words and wisdom bless you.  I had tears in my eyes as I read both posts, and I found myself continuing nodding in agreement.  What a blessing that these ladies took the time to recount their experiences. 

Thankfulness Thursday - A post by Paula, from Paulas Ponderings


Each Thursday in November I am going to post something I am thankful for in celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday. I would love for you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for the gift of rest in the midst of turmoil.

Up until a few years ago, I worried over everything. My husband told me that if I didn't have something to worry about, I'd make something up. And he was right. I had no peace. I did not know how to truly trust. I could not rest.

And then for some crazy reason about 8 years ago, I decided to make my Scripture goal - "I have learned to be content in whatever situation I find myself in" (my paraphrase). Little did I know at the time that the Lord had that goal for me also.

Shortly after that declaration of my new Scripture goal, my husband was laid off from his job of over 20 years. Stress! Maximum stress! Now 7 1/2 years and much turmoil later, I understand trust. And I know how to go to sleep at night and truly rest. Our struggles are not over. My husband has had to start over in a new career when many are beginning to count down the years to retirement. But we have lost our retirement savings and live day-to-day, not knowing what the next month's commissions are going to be or how the bills will be paid. There is a song that says He gives "just enough light for the step I'm on." That's where we are.
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My journal notes in December, 2003:

"I try so hard to lay it at the feet of Jesus, but fear gets the best of me. I live in a constant state of fear these days...Why can't I trust?? Why can't I shake this fear that controls my life?? I'm so tired and weary. It's taking too long...I know deep in my soul that the Lord is there and with us and will carry us through - is carrying us through. But I'm just so tired."
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My journal notes a few months later in August, 2004:

"Thank You, Father, that I am reaching the point of thankfulness to You for Your teaching, for growing me deeper and deeper in Your love. Thank You, Father, for being more concerned with my character than my comfort. Thank You, Father, for taking my control from me. Through this I've learned to hand control over to You. Thank You, Father, for helping me to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself in ~ because You are there in the midst ~ in control. Thank You, Father, for helping me see that I have never had reason to fear, for You have always been my Provider, my Peace, my Comforter, even when I've not been so sure of it. Thank You, Father, because it's finally getting from my head to my heart. This could not have happened without trials to the point of despair, without learning to give up control, without learning to be content no matter the circumstance, without learning, through trials, to rest in You. It's all about You, Lord, it's all about You.

More of You, more of You. I've had it all, but what I need is more of You.

We have lost all monetary crutches, and have gained ~ You! We have no resources left to rely on ~ but we have You! Our assets have been cut in half, and we are left with You! You are truly all we need. Your faithfulness endures forever!"

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How does one rest in the midst of difficult circumstances? I believe it it simply something that must be learned. (Remember my Scripture goal? I have learned to be content...) It is not something that can be conjured up or willed into existence through clenched teeth and fists. Our trials help us grow. I wouldn't trade the past few years for anything. What a wonderful thing to finally be able to trust my Heavenly Father and rest in Him.

(And FYI - I still have my moments! Human!)

I hope this has not been too depressing as a Thanksgiving post! But I know that many are hurting during the holiday seasons each year and pray that the Lord will give His rest to each and every one. I would love to read your Thankfulness posts! Leave a comment and link to your blog if you have one.

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8


"Father I pray for my dear sisters who are fearful and distressed during this Thanksgiving season. Show them Your peace...and teach them Your rest. Amen"

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This next post comes from Kimberly, author of Adventures in Mothering.  I found it in her Frugal Living category.

Paycuts stink, don't they?

Just about ten years ago, when my husband lost his job, and had to take a job with lowered pay, we felt pretty alone in the world, because no one else was going through that (that we knew, anyway). The tool and die industry, once a sure well-paying job not requiring a degree, was now forcing down pay in most of the skilled labor people that weren't working for a unionized shop. Hubby was back to making what he made 5 years earlier, and yet our expenses had gone up. Over the course of those years, he'd take more paycuts, and we'd have to pare it down further. I was not smiling, girls.

Well, I'm no longer alone. Maybe I got to walk through the wilderness to be an encouragement to others now, ten years later. I hope I can be an encouragement. It seems that the biggest "trend" in this job struggling recession thing is paycuts, according to this article. Now, it may seem like, "Well I live on that much money, why can't he?" but let me point something out to you....if you have been earning $100K, and suddenly you get cut down to $34K, that is a much harder adjustment than if you had been earning $34K all along. Trust me on that one...we've been there and done that.

Back when it happened to us, everyone seemed to say "Well, Martin needs to just look for a better job." (oh, sure...good idea...) or use it as an opportunity to remind me that I could get off my lazy behind and find a job too. You know how us stay home moms do nothing all day long but eat bon bons and watch the soaps. With five young children, there was no way for me to get a second job, even if I felt that God wanted us to do that. In prayer, God had made it clear that He was at work and that I was to press on. We both had peace about it.

Even more not-helpful was those money saving articles and books I'd read. Sometimes I'd get frustrated with them, because although it's good to plan, to save, to budget, to do all that is humanly possible for us to do...there comes this point in our lives when we reach the end of ourselves, and no matter how much we cut, we save, we scrimp, we eat rice and beans, and we do all of the other things we're supposed to do...we just can't do enough to stay above water.

Even with our padded emergency fund, our lower-than-pre-approved mortgage, and our savings accounts, as well as our debt paydown plan well underway, absorbing the loss of almost 2/3rds of our income was not an easy thing to do. You can't live on a fraction of your old income for too long even with emergency plans in place.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't cryng out to God, sometimes shaking my fist at Him, angry at His apparent betrayal of us. It was a frustrating time. Still is.

However, God poured out a blessing on us, first by teaching us that His blessings are not always financial. When he provides for us, it doesn't mean that my husband is going to get the pay raise he deserves, and be paid what his skill level demands. Sometimes it means that God gives us the GRACE to live one day at a time, and to gather our manna one day at a time.

By nature I think we are ungrateful. We don't like going out for manna every day. We like His provision to be clearly stated so that our sweet looking budget spreadsheet makes us look like we are being wise stewards, and so that everything fits in there neatly and cleanly. When you have a budget shortfall of a couple hundred a week, you can't really make a budget. It's funny though how, with God, and by faith, a budget that doesn't work on paper can often work in reality, and cause lots of provision to rain down like manna just as we need it.

A friend, sister in Christ, and blog reader from, what often seems like a galaxy far, far away (namely, somewhere in Central Africa) has told me that she finds the whole money management stuff that American and Western Christians obsess over to be really bewildering. On the one hand, she and I would both agree that God calls us to be faithful stewards of what He provides. On the other hand, we have become so fixed on providing for ourselves, managing our finances according to the world's best wisdom or following Bible money-management principles in our own flesh, and leaving our provider God out of our picture.

As I've pointed out in my book on this very topic, Thriving on One Income, God can provide through a paycheck, but He isn't limited to that. Martin's boss may pay him on Thursday, but God provides for us everyday. Lost most of your retirement savings? Yeah, join the club. Us too. Mortgage underwater even after a generous downpayment? Ditto. College savings fund have enough to buy one new textbook at a state university per child? We're there with you. Thankfully God is too. He knows our circumstances, and better than that, He knows our needs...not our wants...not our wishes...not our hopes...but our needs. He often will provide those hopes and wishes and wants too, of course...but He will take care of us.

The best part about times like these...all of the "stuff" that gets in our way of seeing God in the everyday, and all of the things that push what's really important aside fall away, and God is able to really grow us as people, as Christians, and as servants to the king. That's something to smile about.

Birthday post - Timmy at 6!

Here is Timothy at a homeschooling party, enjoying the lawn toys.

Playing in the leaves. Timothy on right, Daniel on left

Here you see Timothy and his block tower.

A birthday post for Timothy, who turned 6 last week--based on The Important Book, by Margaret Wise Brown.  All my kids have birthdays between November and January, so you'll be seeing this pattern three more times in the upcoming weeks.
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The Important Thing about Timothy

The important thing about Timothy is that he loves God.
It's true that he is good with numbers
And that he is Daniel's best friend
And that he loves to sort things
But the important thing about Timothy is that he loves God.

The important thing about Timothy is that he loves to cuddle
It's true that he loves to play games
And that he loves AWANA
And that he's picky about food
But the important thing about Timothy is that he loves to cuddle

The important thing about Timothy is that he dwells on complicated things
It's true that he can be silly
And that he can be stubborn
And that he loves chocolate cake
But the important thing about Timothy is that he dwells on complicated things

The important thing about Timothy is that he loves a good joke
It's true that he loves math and science shows
And that he's not prone to wordiness
And that he loves pools in the summer
But the important thing about Timothy is that he loves a good joke

The important thing about Timothy is that he loves the game Mouse Trap
It's true that he loves Uno
And that he loves all puzzles
And that he has a wonderful baby face
But the important thing about Timothy is that he loves the game Mouse Trap

The important thing about Timothy is that his eyes are sky blue
It's true that he loves pizza
And that he eats a lot of raisins
And that he won't have milk with his cereal
But the important thing about Timothy is that his eyes are sky blue

The important thing about Timothy is that he loved to nurse as a baby and toddler
It's true that he didn't talk until two
And that he knew letter sounds before he uttered a sentence
And that he prefers to teach himself
But the important thing about Timothy is that he loved to nurse as a baby and toddler

The important thing about Timothy is that he just turned 6!
It's true that he loves his alone time like Momma does
And that his love language is physical touch
And that his hugs are tight and long
But the important thing about Timothy is that he just turned 6!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR TIMMY
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY CUDDLE BUG
MOMMA LOVES YOU!

far from grace

I'm constantly thinking about my children's behavior.  Are they growing up to be nice?  Obedient?  Grateful?  Are they kind?  Helpful?  Why do they still complain about toy pick-up, after all these years?  Why don't they instantly say thank you?

It goes on and on.  I'm afraid it's consistent with my being a highly conscientious person.  I do these parenting self-checks to make sure I'm doing my best to prepare them for life.

Awhile back, I learned from the book Different Children, Different Needs, that I am what is called a corrective parent.  Turns out that conscientious people not only correct themselves, but they correct their family as well.  A lot.

Ugh!  Exactly what I don't want to be!  Corrective.  It even sounds ugly.

The other day I was reading a child-rearing tips blog post.  This mother served one of two lunches to her large brood everyday.  She said the children didn't complain, nor would she have let them complain.

Excuse me?  You mean I shouldn't be making three different breakfasts every morning, to satisfy three different children?  And I shouldn't be buying a certain kind of whole wheat tortilla, to satisfy my Timothy?  He should just eat what I serve, or go to bed, perhaps?

When I read such child-rearing posts, I always question whether we're strict enough.  What's wrong with us?  Should we spank every day?  Take away more?  Why are we working on the same behaviors for so long?  Why are they so restless and active, compared to some?


If only we would correct more, they would behave better.  Right?

I used to think that.  But not now.  It's too discouraging to the child.  The more we correct, the less they want to conform.  Consistency is key, but excessive correction is poison.

And I have a confession to make.  I'm not more perfect than they are.  Sometimes I have fits.  Sometimes I'm not kind, or patient, or loving.  Sometimes I rant and rave about the toys.....about the shoes......about the mud........about the water splashed outside the tub......about the jacket not on the hook.....about the cheesestick wrapper left on the floor.

What if I made a tape of myself?   Would I want to throw up after hearing just one day?  I'm sure I would destroy it as quickly as possible, lest anyone else ever hear it.  Dealing with an ADHD child doesn't exactly boost parental mood, let me tell you.

But God is patient with me.  He sees me as an individual, because he made me one.  He works with me on one or two things at a time.  He is sacrificial more than corrective.

I'm ashamed of the behavior I've displayed, especially in the last month during these two illnesses.  Being sick depresses me.  Not an excuse, just an unfortunate reality.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I'm want to look at my children in a new way.  Not as projects.  No more of that.

I want to see them as beautiful works in progress.  I want to encourage, love, support, and nurture them.  I want to laugh with them.   I want to be someone they genuinely like.  Someone they want to emulate.

I'm sorry, Lord.  I repent.  Help me to extend grace and mercy to my children, while they work at shedding their childish ways.  Help me to parent like you do.  Remake me into someone who's humble, gentle and quiet-spirited.

An Angel

It has been at least eight months since I've gone for a haircut.  We can't technically afford it, but when the math ceases to work out and you rely on God for every single morsel, you honestly begin to believe he'll provide.

For instance, we can't afford a whole month of food either, and yet so far we've not gone hungry.  Our van, our only vehicle, is twelve years old and has 156,000 miles on it. Buying a new, used van isn't an option, nor is repairing the one we've got, should it break down.  I've worried about this over the past year, but now I've come to assume that God has a plan for our transportation needs.  He knows Don can't work or get to school without a vehicle, and that we can't get to church without one.  He knows our needs, before we pray about them.

Back to my hair.  Assessing it this morning, I saw that the last four inches looked very unhealthy.  I wanted to cry at the mess staring back at me.

I told my husband, "I've waited at least eight months.  Do you think I can go get a quick, cheap haircut?"

My husband, whether good or bad, is beyond thinking we have any control over anything, so he just responded, "Sure."

So off I went on a mini retreat to the local Best Cuts, praying for a seasoned stylist, rather than one just out of school.  

I sat for twenty-five minutes waiting for my turn.  Relaxing doesn't begin to describe my experience there.  As Anna's sleep issues worsen by the week, I have less and less time to unwind.  My temper is often short, and I feel like I don't have control over anything.  Or at least, control over the things that make up my agenda.

Today, I'm humbly reminded that


only His agenda matters.

Timothy, now six, was also an awful sleeper, leaving me little time during the day or evenings to accomplish anything.  But, that kid is unquestionably a bit of a genius, so the all-night/day breastmilk diner just might have a purpose.  I'm willing to go through it for another year, just in case.  I think.  Having at least two kids who practically homeschool themselves could benefit me for years--not to mention them.  It just might be part of God's plan for my future sanity.

Anyhow, back to Best Cuts, and my mini retreat.  After watching a very kind stylist cut an elderly gentleman's hair, smiling at him numerous times all the while, I thought, what a very gentle, sweet person she must be.  She seemed to genuinely enjoy serving others.  Not at all like cranky old me, who only wishes in my wildest dreams that I look that kind and gentle, as I serve others.

Finally, the gentleman left, and she cleaned up her area and made a personal-business phone call, prolonging my retreat.  As she did these things, I just kept asking God for help.  Help with my discouragement, help with my depression regarding aging, help with my motley crew of hyperactive children--lovable though they are, and help loving my over-studied, under-slept, extremely stressed out, cranky husband--lovable though he is.

In the next thirty minutes, as she cut my hair, she was like an angel in my midst.  She told me how pretty my hair was (it's not), how healthy it was, and how 43 is not so old (it is).  Can you tell my love language is affirming words?

Her oldest child, nearly 20, ventured out on his own, and is working on buying a house--one street away from her.  She had him when she was 18, and what a wonderful job she did!  You know you've done a good job when they want to live one street away!

I don't know much more of her story.  She has a boyfriend and another son, aged fourteen.  She is 38, and looks like my twin, only younger.

She was a friend to me, for those thirty minutes.  I left encouraged, happier, less burdened, and less alone (somehow).  It doesn't make sense, but that's how I felt.  And when she gave me her card, I saw that she was the store manager.  Thank you, God!  LOL  I got the best!  She gave a great haircut, and she gave me tips on eventually buying a semi-permanent color, over-the-counter, to cover my white hairs.

Thank you God, for the angel of a person you put in my midst.  Thank you for the gift of a haircut.  Thank you for the lift in my spirits.  Thank you for the friend.  Thank you for allowing me the time away to be encouraged, so I can, in turn, encourage my children and my husband.

Thank you for always being there.  For always providing.  Everything.

update

The visit to the primary care physician went better than expected.  Mike was friendly and docile, but kept complaining and talking about his experiences--hallucinations, bed sores, etc.  He was happy to see the boys but didn't talk to them much.  He is using a portable oxygen tank and still needs a high level of oxygen, as well as penicillin and albuterol.  It was only with difficulty that Mike was able to sit up in the car.

The primary care physician examined Mike with Angie and the boys in the room.  Mike had to be reminded more than once that he had only been out of the hospital for 24 hours.  He kept talking as though he had been home for quite awhile.  The doctor went over with Mike how he was to care for himself, and then asked him to remember 3 things; Mike could only remember two.

At the end of the exam the doctor told them it would be about two weeks before Mike could care for the boys.  He has an appointment to see this same doctor on Monday.  He was told by the hospital not to drive, so Angie will take him to the appointment.

The doctor did not pull Angie aside or give her any additional information.  She has a call in to her attorney. It's apparent that she'll need to obtain a court order to be privy to Mike's medical information.   Due to the shared weekly custody arrangement, she needs to know the nature of Mike's short-term and long-term condition.  Shared weekly custody of the boys may no longer be feasible.

I took a few minutes to check the Internet regarding memory loss after ventilator use and severe respiratory failure.  The memory problems may be temporary, resulting from the very strong sedative they used.  If it's due to oxygen deprivation, things could be more serious.

Please pray for the salvation of all involved, and for continued complete healing.  Thank you!