I'm constantly thinking about my children's behavior. Are they growing up to be nice? Obedient? Grateful? Are they kind? Helpful? Why do they still complain about toy pick-up, after all these years? Why don't they instantly say thank you?
It goes on and on. I'm afraid it's consistent with my being a highly conscientious person. I do these parenting self-checks to make sure I'm doing my best to prepare them for life.
Awhile back, I learned from the book Different Children, Different Needs, that I am what is called a corrective parent. Turns out that conscientious people not only correct themselves, but they correct their family as well. A lot.
Ugh! Exactly what I don't want to be! Corrective. It even sounds ugly.
The other day I was reading a child-rearing tips blog post. This mother served one of two lunches to her large brood everyday. She said the children didn't complain, nor would she have let them complain.
Excuse me? You mean I shouldn't be making three different breakfasts every morning, to satisfy three different children? And I shouldn't be buying a certain kind of whole wheat tortilla, to satisfy my Timothy? He should just eat what I serve, or go to bed, perhaps?
When I read such child-rearing posts, I always question whether we're strict enough. What's wrong with us? Should we spank every day? Take away more? Why are we working on the same behaviors for so long? Why are they so restless and active, compared to some?
If only we would correct more, they would behave better. Right?
I used to think that. But not now. It's too discouraging to the child. The more we correct, the less they want to conform. Consistency is key, but excessive correction is poison.
And I have a confession to make. I'm not more perfect than they are. Sometimes I have fits. Sometimes I'm not kind, or patient, or loving. Sometimes I rant and rave about the toys.....about the shoes......about the mud........about the water splashed outside the tub......about the jacket not on the hook.....about the cheesestick wrapper left on the floor.
What if I made a tape of myself? Would I want to throw up after hearing just one day? I'm sure I would destroy it as quickly as possible, lest anyone else ever hear it. Dealing with an ADHD child doesn't exactly boost parental mood, let me tell you.
But God is patient with me. He sees me as an individual, because he made me one. He works with me on one or two things at a time. He is sacrificial more than corrective.
I'm ashamed of the behavior I've displayed, especially in the last month during these two illnesses. Being sick depresses me. Not an excuse, just an unfortunate reality.
Tomorrow is a new day. I want to look at my children in a new way. Not as projects. No more of that.
I want to see them as beautiful works in progress. I want to encourage, love, support, and nurture them. I want to laugh with them. I want to be someone they genuinely like. Someone they want to emulate.
I'm sorry, Lord. I repent. Help me to extend grace and mercy to my children, while they work at shedding their childish ways. Help me to parent like you do. Remake me into someone who's humble, gentle and quiet-spirited.
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Momma's inner Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle
Daniel and Timothy adore that Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. It's their mother, however, who giggles the most at Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and her clever, endearing, naughty-behavior fixes.
Take the answer-backer cure, for example. Momma Pam found herself quite unable to get through a paragraph of that chapter without frequently erupting in uncontrollable giggling. Her boys, amused at their mother at first, soon became quite annoyed at these delays in the storytelling.
Penelope, a parrot, is Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's cure for answer-backer children. The premise is that once the child hears how horrid he sounds, he will want to be pleasant and polite again. Penelope is very rude indeed, and repeats every answer-backer thing she's heard the children say.
Here are her favorite answer-backs:
"I'll do it because I want to but not because you tell me to."
"Say are you the boss around here? Are you the boss around here? Are you the boss around here? Who's the boss, anyway?"
"Oh, yeah? Oh yeah? Oh yeah?"
"What am I, a servant? Work! Work! Work! What am I, a servant? Say who's the boss around here?"
"Oh, hurry, hurry, hurry. Hurry yourself!"
Now Momma Pam's boys don't usually sass their parents, but they do their fair share of objecting and arguing. So the morning after reading this chapter, Momma Pam decided to get in touch with her inner Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.
When the boys objected to the morning directions--"Brush your teeth, make your beds, and then get dressed"--Momma Pam hopped up and down like Penelope, and squawked, "Say who's the boss around here? Who's the boss around here? Who's the boss around here?"
The boys giggled and giggled. And then they happily followed the directions. They thought their Momma was sooo cool. Very cool, indeed.
Until the afternoon, at which time Timothy could no longer take it.
Momma Pam: "After Cyber Chase you need to clear the construction paper, glue sticks, scissors and scraps off the table. We need to set it for dinner."
Boys: "But we can't! We're not done with our creations!"
Momma Pam: "Work! Work! Work! What am I, a servant? Who's the boss around here?"
The boys--or Timothy at least--no longer thought this new game was funny.
Timothy: "That's really starting to annoy me!"
Momma Pam: "Oh, you don't say. Is Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's cure working, then?"
Timothy: "Yes! I can't take it anymore!"
Now you moms out there be sure and practice your answer-backs in front of the mirror. And don't forget the hopping around part. You never know when you'll need to start channeling Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.
Take the answer-backer cure, for example. Momma Pam found herself quite unable to get through a paragraph of that chapter without frequently erupting in uncontrollable giggling. Her boys, amused at their mother at first, soon became quite annoyed at these delays in the storytelling.
Penelope, a parrot, is Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's cure for answer-backer children. The premise is that once the child hears how horrid he sounds, he will want to be pleasant and polite again. Penelope is very rude indeed, and repeats every answer-backer thing she's heard the children say.
Here are her favorite answer-backs:
"I'll do it because I want to but not because you tell me to."
"Say are you the boss around here? Are you the boss around here? Are you the boss around here? Who's the boss, anyway?"
"Oh, yeah? Oh yeah? Oh yeah?"
"What am I, a servant? Work! Work! Work! What am I, a servant? Say who's the boss around here?"
"Oh, hurry, hurry, hurry. Hurry yourself!"
Now Momma Pam's boys don't usually sass their parents, but they do their fair share of objecting and arguing. So the morning after reading this chapter, Momma Pam decided to get in touch with her inner Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.
When the boys objected to the morning directions--"Brush your teeth, make your beds, and then get dressed"--Momma Pam hopped up and down like Penelope, and squawked, "Say who's the boss around here? Who's the boss around here? Who's the boss around here?"
The boys giggled and giggled. And then they happily followed the directions. They thought their Momma was sooo cool. Very cool, indeed.
Until the afternoon, at which time Timothy could no longer take it.
Momma Pam: "After Cyber Chase you need to clear the construction paper, glue sticks, scissors and scraps off the table. We need to set it for dinner."
Boys: "But we can't! We're not done with our creations!"
Momma Pam: "Work! Work! Work! What am I, a servant? Who's the boss around here?"
The boys--or Timothy at least--no longer thought this new game was funny.
Timothy: "That's really starting to annoy me!"
Momma Pam: "Oh, you don't say. Is Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's cure working, then?"
Timothy: "Yes! I can't take it anymore!"
Now you moms out there be sure and practice your answer-backs in front of the mirror. And don't forget the hopping around part. You never know when you'll need to start channeling Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
token behavior systems
Last week I checked out Colleen Alexander-Roberts' book, The AD/HD Parenting Handbook, Practical Advice for Parents from Parents, proven techniques for raising hyperactive children without losing your temper (2nd Edition)
The author dealt with moderate to severe AD/HD symptoms and successfully utilized a play-money token behavior system. Her children were also on medication. She writes:
"In our home we used play money. We had a chart with household rules on it. Each rule was worth a specific amount, anywhere from one dollar to twenty. Every time our son followed a rule, he received the agreed amount. The money he earned was placed in an envelope for one week. During the week he had to spend this money. We charged him five dollars an hour to play a video game, two dollars an hour to ride his bike, ten dollars an hour to play games on the computer, three dollars to watch a rented video, and two dollars to watch an hour of television. Every Saturday, he turned in what was left of the money he earned. For every ten dollars in play money he turned in, he received one dollar in cash. He was able to spend this money as he wished or save it for something special he wanted to buy. In this case, once we gave a reward (the play money, for instance), we never took the reward away. Instead, for noncompliance we used time-out, took away a privilege, or assigned an extra household chore. We never took away what he had already been rewarded."
"We used this play-money system very successfully for quite some time. The original household rules were replaced by new house rules two months after we initiated this system; we had achieved the desired effect. However, no reward system works forever, so be ready to substitute another system when needed. Always seek professional help if reward systems do not work with your child."
I started a sticker chart with Daniel and Timothy on our first day of school. The thing is, I hate sticker charts! They do work with my boys, but I eventually get bored of them (or too busy) and drop the ball. Already, yesterday and again today, I forgot to update their stickers.
Today I discussed this new system with them, and they seem quite intrigued. Momma is intrigued for a number of reasons, not the least of which is this system's potential for curbing screen time. So off we went to the dollar store, in search of play money.
Incidentally, I hate the idea of charging play money for a bike ride. That seems counter-productive to me, since exercise is healthy and desired and especially beneficial to AD/HD children. Yeah, charge money for any type of screen time, but not for exercise.
We're jumping in and starting the play-money system tomorrow. They are excited. I am resolved to do everything I can to make it work. For a successful school day, there are two rules I really need them to follow:
1. Follow directions the first time they're given.
2. Clean up without arguing.
There are five rules altogether, but these are the two that really make a difference in our school day. My boys hate clean-up time. I've struggled for all these years with their poor clean-up attitudes. Partly, the difficulty is due to the bin organization system for our playroom. Putting smallish things into the correct bins is a lot more difficult than throwing all the toys into one large toybox.
Anyhow, I'll keep you posted on the wonders of play money.
If you have difficulty getting your child moving in the morning, she suggests that each step of the morning routine be written out for your child, in words or pictures. None of her suggestions are particularly novel, but she has plenty of them, for many different problem areas. The book also includes ideas from many other AD/HD-seasoned parents.
There is also a very good chapter--written by a physician friend of hers--on AD/HD medications (penned in 2006).
The author dealt with moderate to severe AD/HD symptoms and successfully utilized a play-money token behavior system. Her children were also on medication. She writes:
"In our home we used play money. We had a chart with household rules on it. Each rule was worth a specific amount, anywhere from one dollar to twenty. Every time our son followed a rule, he received the agreed amount. The money he earned was placed in an envelope for one week. During the week he had to spend this money. We charged him five dollars an hour to play a video game, two dollars an hour to ride his bike, ten dollars an hour to play games on the computer, three dollars to watch a rented video, and two dollars to watch an hour of television. Every Saturday, he turned in what was left of the money he earned. For every ten dollars in play money he turned in, he received one dollar in cash. He was able to spend this money as he wished or save it for something special he wanted to buy. In this case, once we gave a reward (the play money, for instance), we never took the reward away. Instead, for noncompliance we used time-out, took away a privilege, or assigned an extra household chore. We never took away what he had already been rewarded."
"We used this play-money system very successfully for quite some time. The original household rules were replaced by new house rules two months after we initiated this system; we had achieved the desired effect. However, no reward system works forever, so be ready to substitute another system when needed. Always seek professional help if reward systems do not work with your child."
I started a sticker chart with Daniel and Timothy on our first day of school. The thing is, I hate sticker charts! They do work with my boys, but I eventually get bored of them (or too busy) and drop the ball. Already, yesterday and again today, I forgot to update their stickers.
Today I discussed this new system with them, and they seem quite intrigued. Momma is intrigued for a number of reasons, not the least of which is this system's potential for curbing screen time. So off we went to the dollar store, in search of play money.
Incidentally, I hate the idea of charging play money for a bike ride. That seems counter-productive to me, since exercise is healthy and desired and especially beneficial to AD/HD children. Yeah, charge money for any type of screen time, but not for exercise.
We're jumping in and starting the play-money system tomorrow. They are excited. I am resolved to do everything I can to make it work. For a successful school day, there are two rules I really need them to follow:
1. Follow directions the first time they're given.
2. Clean up without arguing.
There are five rules altogether, but these are the two that really make a difference in our school day. My boys hate clean-up time. I've struggled for all these years with their poor clean-up attitudes. Partly, the difficulty is due to the bin organization system for our playroom. Putting smallish things into the correct bins is a lot more difficult than throwing all the toys into one large toybox.
Anyhow, I'll keep you posted on the wonders of play money.
If you have difficulty getting your child moving in the morning, she suggests that each step of the morning routine be written out for your child, in words or pictures. None of her suggestions are particularly novel, but she has plenty of them, for many different problem areas. The book also includes ideas from many other AD/HD-seasoned parents.
There is also a very good chapter--written by a physician friend of hers--on AD/HD medications (penned in 2006).
Friday, July 31, 2009
gym time, and empty nests
Anna is consumed by her new pulling-up skills, and by her even-newer cruising skills. She deems them SO worthy of her time, in fact, that she's decided sleep is vastly overrated.
Anna Grace: "I haven't got time for SLEEP anymore, Mommy. I don't exactly know when the Infant Olympics start, but by golly, I want to be ready. You won't stand in my way now--will you, Mommy? You go ahead and sleep, Mommy, if you can, while I rise at 5:00 a.m. and happily squeal my way through a good ninety minutes of gym time. Don't you and Daddy pay me any mind. I can manage this on my own. I'll give you a holler when morning gym time is over."
Mommy: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
That's me, primal screaming after three days of 5:00 a.m. risings, and naps that don't occur unless I hold a crying, frustrated, overtired, 7.5-month-old gym fanatic down long enough for her to realize she is exhausted. Then, because she is SO exhausted, I am forced to hold her for her entire nap, without moving a muscle, because otherwise her jumpy, overtired body wakes up over the slightest sound or movement.
A month ago we achieved a very good nap routine that was working for me, finally. I would nurse her, kiss her, put her in her crib, and within ten minutes, she was out.
Yes, I know. This too shall pass. Trouble is, every time something passes, some other trying thing is right on its heels. Constant. That's what life is like when your hyper-active children outnumber your couch-potato children. My ratio is three to one. This life is blessed, charmed, yes. But constant most of all.
Around dinnertime my nerves were so shot, and my ADHD son so intent on doing me in, that I looked at my poor husband and said, "I'm leaving now. Trust me, it's necessary."
At first, I got in the van by myself. Anna was asleep--finally. Don would only have the three of them. Then I thought better of this, and went back in and grabbed Emily Rose, who is as hyper as can be and could make Daddy crazy without help. I figured I could handle her in her carseat, even in my agitated, overly-fatigued state. Thank God for carseats!
The two of us got McDonald's chocolate chip cookies to calm our (my) nerves, and then we drove all around the farmlands surrounding our housing track.
On our sanity-saving trip we saw a beautiful doe, about 20 grazing horses, a blue heron, two lakes, acres and acres of corn and alfalfa, and many beautiful, well-tended flower gardens--all within a thirty-minute time frame. It was just what I needed. Scenes of nature speak such volumes to me. They remind me that God has a plan--that nothing is accidental. There is order, beauty, perfection--so unlike my parenting, or my home, where new problems keep throwing my efforts--and my nerves--asunder.
I don't quite know why God blessed a nervous-leaning mother with so many hyper-active children. Makes more sense for a very relaxed mother to have such a brood--doesn't it?
It's not misbehavior I'm talking about, exactly. It's high-volume exuberance. A penchant for movement, rather than tabletop activities, or quiet-like pursuits. A penchant for speed, rather than leisure. A penchant for over-excitability, rather than for calm.
I can only trust that He knows what I need--what my children need. It need not make sense to me.
My husband is not perfect, but for all intents and purposes, to me, he's a saint. Just the saint I need. Is he out of full-time work because God knew I needed help with these full-of-life children, in this season? We are basically on our own here. There's no reliable "village" on which to lean. My father and my aunts have their own problems--their own pursuits.
It is what it is. And my personality is what it is. I didn't choose nervousness--it was chosen for me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as are my exuberant children.
God, help me learn to celebrate exuberance--rather than run from it. Twenty years from now, I'll be 63 years old, and I'll long for the noise and chaos of my "youth". I know this; I can see the very day, in my mind's eye. The first day of my empty nest. My Anna will be 20 years old.
Don't let me look back with regret, Lord, for what I DIDN'T do, to make the most of every day with these precious children. Take the reins back from ME--the stubborn one--when I so foolishly grab them. Order our days, our hours. And bless us with your Mercy and your Grace, Lord, as always.
Amen.
Anna Grace: "I haven't got time for SLEEP anymore, Mommy. I don't exactly know when the Infant Olympics start, but by golly, I want to be ready. You won't stand in my way now--will you, Mommy? You go ahead and sleep, Mommy, if you can, while I rise at 5:00 a.m. and happily squeal my way through a good ninety minutes of gym time. Don't you and Daddy pay me any mind. I can manage this on my own. I'll give you a holler when morning gym time is over."
Mommy: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
That's me, primal screaming after three days of 5:00 a.m. risings, and naps that don't occur unless I hold a crying, frustrated, overtired, 7.5-month-old gym fanatic down long enough for her to realize she is exhausted. Then, because she is SO exhausted, I am forced to hold her for her entire nap, without moving a muscle, because otherwise her jumpy, overtired body wakes up over the slightest sound or movement.
A month ago we achieved a very good nap routine that was working for me, finally. I would nurse her, kiss her, put her in her crib, and within ten minutes, she was out.
Yes, I know. This too shall pass. Trouble is, every time something passes, some other trying thing is right on its heels. Constant. That's what life is like when your hyper-active children outnumber your couch-potato children. My ratio is three to one. This life is blessed, charmed, yes. But constant most of all.
Around dinnertime my nerves were so shot, and my ADHD son so intent on doing me in, that I looked at my poor husband and said, "I'm leaving now. Trust me, it's necessary."
At first, I got in the van by myself. Anna was asleep--finally. Don would only have the three of them. Then I thought better of this, and went back in and grabbed Emily Rose, who is as hyper as can be and could make Daddy crazy without help. I figured I could handle her in her carseat, even in my agitated, overly-fatigued state. Thank God for carseats!
The two of us got McDonald's chocolate chip cookies to calm our (my) nerves, and then we drove all around the farmlands surrounding our housing track.
On our sanity-saving trip we saw a beautiful doe, about 20 grazing horses, a blue heron, two lakes, acres and acres of corn and alfalfa, and many beautiful, well-tended flower gardens--all within a thirty-minute time frame. It was just what I needed. Scenes of nature speak such volumes to me. They remind me that God has a plan--that nothing is accidental. There is order, beauty, perfection--so unlike my parenting, or my home, where new problems keep throwing my efforts--and my nerves--asunder.
I don't quite know why God blessed a nervous-leaning mother with so many hyper-active children. Makes more sense for a very relaxed mother to have such a brood--doesn't it?
It's not misbehavior I'm talking about, exactly. It's high-volume exuberance. A penchant for movement, rather than tabletop activities, or quiet-like pursuits. A penchant for speed, rather than leisure. A penchant for over-excitability, rather than for calm.
I can only trust that He knows what I need--what my children need. It need not make sense to me.
My husband is not perfect, but for all intents and purposes, to me, he's a saint. Just the saint I need. Is he out of full-time work because God knew I needed help with these full-of-life children, in this season? We are basically on our own here. There's no reliable "village" on which to lean. My father and my aunts have their own problems--their own pursuits.
It is what it is. And my personality is what it is. I didn't choose nervousness--it was chosen for me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as are my exuberant children.
God, help me learn to celebrate exuberance--rather than run from it. Twenty years from now, I'll be 63 years old, and I'll long for the noise and chaos of my "youth". I know this; I can see the very day, in my mind's eye. The first day of my empty nest. My Anna will be 20 years old.
Don't let me look back with regret, Lord, for what I DIDN'T do, to make the most of every day with these precious children. Take the reins back from ME--the stubborn one--when I so foolishly grab them. Order our days, our hours. And bless us with your Mercy and your Grace, Lord, as always.
Amen.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Emily's Night
I mentioned to Don yesterday that I wanted to price some toddler bedding, so during Emily's nap, the boys, Anna and Mommy went to Walmart, which is our go-to place because of the short, eight-minute drive. Other stores are about 25 minutes away.
As I feared, they had only ultra-commercialized-looking Disney princesses and a satin Dora set. We don't have any Disney videos, except for Pooh Bear (Mommy's favorite pal), so Emily can't yet relate to anything princess-oriented. I was discouraged, but after arriving home empty-handed, Don remembered that we still had a Target card someone had given us for Christmas. Yippee! Target is usually a good bet for housewares, so I put Anna down for her nap and when Rosey woke up the two of us set off together. The boys were very happy to stay behind, after having swindled a sprinkler out of me at Walmart. The temperature was hitting 90 degrees with humidity, so they didn't have to work on me too long. I knew it would cool Mommy and Daddy and baby off too, more than once this summer!
Emily hasn't gotten much in the way of material things since she was born, so I was very happy to be doing something special for her. We already had lots of puzzles and toys and books, and extended family has given her dolls, so there wasn't ever a need to purchase much.
We found a very lovely set at Target, complete with soft sheets! It's a pastel floral combination, with a coordinating pastel plaid pattern on the underside. She was thrilled! We also got matching decor for the wall--various sized pastel dots that give the effect of wallpaper.
And now for the sleep details. Thank you so much for your input. It didn't occur to me that she no longer needed much day sleep. Timothy gave up his nap at 30 months, if my memory serves me right, but I thought it was because I was 10 weeks pregnant with Emily and had to wean him. I had lost weight from morning sickness and didn't think it was wise to continue nursing; besides, there wasn't much milk left. Without being nursing to sleep for his nap, it just wasn't happening, even when I offered to lie down with him. He actually was very tired after about 3 o'clock for a good three months, leading to some cranky dinner and pre-bedtime behavior. Not a fun period.
I really thought his situation was an unfortunate fluke. So when the broken-record, put-them-back, matter-of-fact routine wasn't working to keep Emily in her crib, it didn't occur to me that she just wasn't TIRED enough to stay in. It should have, however, because of the way it happened, in comparison to Timothy's situation. He came out continuously, requiring me to camp outside his door for about 30-45 minutes, for about a week. Then the problem was solved; he was too tired to keep up with the fight. His body was ready for sleep.
Emily, when put back in, did try to stay in, but when she couldn't fall asleep, she would come back out, apparently from boredom. The time intervals were longer--most escapes were about fifteen minutes or more apart, up until 9 p.m.
After reading the suggestion that her nap was now cutting into her nighttime sleep, I planned for her to fall asleep around 9:00 p.m., after having awakened that morning at 7:oo, and napping for about two hours--leading to 12 hours total sleep, which is the minimum for her age. More would be better, but I have to work with her body and with the season. Maybe there is some beneficial biological reason for going to sleep at 9:00 in the summer. It is certainly true that our bodies respond to darkness, in a chemical way, priming us for sleep at that time.
Everything went swell! She was tired at 9:00 and only came out once. I decided not to threaten to spank. Firstly, I didn't think she would be bored or have an interest in coming out. Secondly, I want her to come out freely anytime she needs to use the bathroom.
This morning she initially awoke at 6:30, but when I told her it wasn't 7 yet, she went back in her room and fell asleep until 7:20. And, my goodness, she loves the bedding! I think it makes her feel like a big girl just to have covers on her bed, like the rest of us. She went in there a few times this morning just to get under the covers again. Cute.
I've heard it said from experts that the sleep we get before midnight is our best sleep of the night. If that's true, I would prefer an earlier bedtime for Emily, but that may happen in the fall naturally. We'll see how things go in the next week, with her overall wellness and cheerfulness.
Anyhow, thanks again for your input!
As I feared, they had only ultra-commercialized-looking Disney princesses and a satin Dora set. We don't have any Disney videos, except for Pooh Bear (Mommy's favorite pal), so Emily can't yet relate to anything princess-oriented. I was discouraged, but after arriving home empty-handed, Don remembered that we still had a Target card someone had given us for Christmas. Yippee! Target is usually a good bet for housewares, so I put Anna down for her nap and when Rosey woke up the two of us set off together. The boys were very happy to stay behind, after having swindled a sprinkler out of me at Walmart. The temperature was hitting 90 degrees with humidity, so they didn't have to work on me too long. I knew it would cool Mommy and Daddy and baby off too, more than once this summer!
Emily hasn't gotten much in the way of material things since she was born, so I was very happy to be doing something special for her. We already had lots of puzzles and toys and books, and extended family has given her dolls, so there wasn't ever a need to purchase much.
We found a very lovely set at Target, complete with soft sheets! It's a pastel floral combination, with a coordinating pastel plaid pattern on the underside. She was thrilled! We also got matching decor for the wall--various sized pastel dots that give the effect of wallpaper.
And now for the sleep details. Thank you so much for your input. It didn't occur to me that she no longer needed much day sleep. Timothy gave up his nap at 30 months, if my memory serves me right, but I thought it was because I was 10 weeks pregnant with Emily and had to wean him. I had lost weight from morning sickness and didn't think it was wise to continue nursing; besides, there wasn't much milk left. Without being nursing to sleep for his nap, it just wasn't happening, even when I offered to lie down with him. He actually was very tired after about 3 o'clock for a good three months, leading to some cranky dinner and pre-bedtime behavior. Not a fun period.
I really thought his situation was an unfortunate fluke. So when the broken-record, put-them-back, matter-of-fact routine wasn't working to keep Emily in her crib, it didn't occur to me that she just wasn't TIRED enough to stay in. It should have, however, because of the way it happened, in comparison to Timothy's situation. He came out continuously, requiring me to camp outside his door for about 30-45 minutes, for about a week. Then the problem was solved; he was too tired to keep up with the fight. His body was ready for sleep.
Emily, when put back in, did try to stay in, but when she couldn't fall asleep, she would come back out, apparently from boredom. The time intervals were longer--most escapes were about fifteen minutes or more apart, up until 9 p.m.
After reading the suggestion that her nap was now cutting into her nighttime sleep, I planned for her to fall asleep around 9:00 p.m., after having awakened that morning at 7:oo, and napping for about two hours--leading to 12 hours total sleep, which is the minimum for her age. More would be better, but I have to work with her body and with the season. Maybe there is some beneficial biological reason for going to sleep at 9:00 in the summer. It is certainly true that our bodies respond to darkness, in a chemical way, priming us for sleep at that time.
Everything went swell! She was tired at 9:00 and only came out once. I decided not to threaten to spank. Firstly, I didn't think she would be bored or have an interest in coming out. Secondly, I want her to come out freely anytime she needs to use the bathroom.
This morning she initially awoke at 6:30, but when I told her it wasn't 7 yet, she went back in her room and fell asleep until 7:20. And, my goodness, she loves the bedding! I think it makes her feel like a big girl just to have covers on her bed, like the rest of us. She went in there a few times this morning just to get under the covers again. Cute.
I've heard it said from experts that the sleep we get before midnight is our best sleep of the night. If that's true, I would prefer an earlier bedtime for Emily, but that may happen in the fall naturally. We'll see how things go in the next week, with her overall wellness and cheerfulness.
Anyhow, thanks again for your input!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
You Wouldn't Believe It!
Emily Rose awoke at 7 a.m. this morning, after having fallen asleep around 9:00 p.m., which gave her about an hour less nighttime sleep than she probably needs at this point. She used to get 12 hours of nighttime sleep, up to a month ago. Anyhow, this morning I added five hours to the 7 a.m., and figured she would be ready for her nap around 12:00 p.m. By the time I finished the routine it was 12:15, and I suspect she was asleep by 12:30 p.m.
She awoke at 2:00 p.m., and I added five hours to that, figuring she would be tired around 7 p.m. She is very active, gets lots of daily exercise, and has recently not had enough sleep; I think the five hours was a reasonable estimate. Her bedtime routine ended later than I'd hoped, at around 7:30 p.m. I shut her door as usual and went about putting Anna Grace down in my bedroom.
Meanwhile, Don was in the playroom doing Bible Study and story time with the boys. Emily got out of her crib about three times and went into the playroom, where Don intercepted her and put her back. I thought she had fallen asleep, since I didn't hear any of this.
Around 8:50 p.m., I finally got Anna to sleep and went out into the hall, where I heard Rose getting out of her crib. I went in there and found large and small stains of Desitin in various spots on the carpet, all over the crib, all over a few books, all over her face, and on a few stuffed toys. As well, she was naked from the waist down, and had peed all over her crib sheets, and on her pillow.
What I did NOT do was take this all in stride. After all, we'd been through a few frustrating weeks of sleep battles, with a child who had previously been a fantastic sleeper! I looked up to the heavens and screamed in anger and frustration. The Desitin, I knew, would ruin the carpet, but what was more frustrating was why her body hadn't shut down for sleep, after having been in the room close to 90 minutes, following a loving and soothing bedtime routine. She had been awake since 2 p.m.! What in the world is going on with her body?!!
We hadn't wanted to get into a spanking pattern over this situation, since that might require multiple spankings--for consistency sake. We can't spank the first time she does it and not the rest of the times; that would create more problems than it would solve. We both hate the thought of a child's day ending in multiple spankings. However, we did spank her for the Desitin mess.
I know the arising of sudden sleep issues is a very common problem with two-year-olds. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm at a loss right now, and wondering why tiredness isn't just taking over. Is she too hyperactive to stay still long enough to fall asleep as usual? Is she falling asleep around 9:00 p.m. because that is when it is close to being dark? And if so, why won't her body sleep until about 8:oo a.m. or so? Don has gone in there and laid on the room's queen bed in the morning, trying to get her to sleep longer after she initially comes out. It doesn't work.
I researched my Desitin stain-removal options, and tried rubbing alcohol, followed by Shout stain remover, followed by Dawn dish detergent. It looks better, but the carpet stains are not gone.
I also researched staying-in-bed issues for two-year-olds, and wasn't satisfied with any of the suggestions. She is too young for a sticker chart, or for waiting for a morning reward. We've already tried the broken record, keep-putting-them-back-in-bed routine, which would probably be close to the standard suggestion from most sleep experts.
We've thought of making her bedtime the same as the boys, so the whole house settles at the same time, and she doesn't feel like she is missing anything. This complicates story time, and if we choose this route, we'll have to make sure the boys have another story time during the day, using higher-level books.
Toddlers need 12 to 14 hours of sleep per day, and school-age children need 10 to 11. Ideally, at our house we need Emily to be falling asleep at 8:00 pm, waking in the morning between 7 and 8, and napping for two hours between 12:00 and 2:00 p.m. And the ideal scenario for the boys is falling asleep at 8:30 p.m., and waking around 7:oo--which is what they usually do.
We will pray tonight about trying a week of spanking, and we should also convert her crib to a toddler bed, to avoid any broken bones from her climbing out. Why not go through the dreaded bed-change transition while we're at it? My mom recently told me that my three-year-old nephew broke his arm from climbing over a safety gate. I sure don't need an emergency room visit!
Generally, I don't think buying new bedding helps with this issue, but I might price some Dora sheets/comforter for toddler beds, just in case.
Please, leave me a comment about how you lived through this same thing, and now have a peaceful household at bedtime, and a well-rested toddler/preschooler! Emily is 30 months old, which I think makes her a preschooler now. Thank you!
She awoke at 2:00 p.m., and I added five hours to that, figuring she would be tired around 7 p.m. She is very active, gets lots of daily exercise, and has recently not had enough sleep; I think the five hours was a reasonable estimate. Her bedtime routine ended later than I'd hoped, at around 7:30 p.m. I shut her door as usual and went about putting Anna Grace down in my bedroom.
Meanwhile, Don was in the playroom doing Bible Study and story time with the boys. Emily got out of her crib about three times and went into the playroom, where Don intercepted her and put her back. I thought she had fallen asleep, since I didn't hear any of this.
Around 8:50 p.m., I finally got Anna to sleep and went out into the hall, where I heard Rose getting out of her crib. I went in there and found large and small stains of Desitin in various spots on the carpet, all over the crib, all over a few books, all over her face, and on a few stuffed toys. As well, she was naked from the waist down, and had peed all over her crib sheets, and on her pillow.
What I did NOT do was take this all in stride. After all, we'd been through a few frustrating weeks of sleep battles, with a child who had previously been a fantastic sleeper! I looked up to the heavens and screamed in anger and frustration. The Desitin, I knew, would ruin the carpet, but what was more frustrating was why her body hadn't shut down for sleep, after having been in the room close to 90 minutes, following a loving and soothing bedtime routine. She had been awake since 2 p.m.! What in the world is going on with her body?!!
We hadn't wanted to get into a spanking pattern over this situation, since that might require multiple spankings--for consistency sake. We can't spank the first time she does it and not the rest of the times; that would create more problems than it would solve. We both hate the thought of a child's day ending in multiple spankings. However, we did spank her for the Desitin mess.
I know the arising of sudden sleep issues is a very common problem with two-year-olds. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm at a loss right now, and wondering why tiredness isn't just taking over. Is she too hyperactive to stay still long enough to fall asleep as usual? Is she falling asleep around 9:00 p.m. because that is when it is close to being dark? And if so, why won't her body sleep until about 8:oo a.m. or so? Don has gone in there and laid on the room's queen bed in the morning, trying to get her to sleep longer after she initially comes out. It doesn't work.
I researched my Desitin stain-removal options, and tried rubbing alcohol, followed by Shout stain remover, followed by Dawn dish detergent. It looks better, but the carpet stains are not gone.
I also researched staying-in-bed issues for two-year-olds, and wasn't satisfied with any of the suggestions. She is too young for a sticker chart, or for waiting for a morning reward. We've already tried the broken record, keep-putting-them-back-in-bed routine, which would probably be close to the standard suggestion from most sleep experts.
We've thought of making her bedtime the same as the boys, so the whole house settles at the same time, and she doesn't feel like she is missing anything. This complicates story time, and if we choose this route, we'll have to make sure the boys have another story time during the day, using higher-level books.
Toddlers need 12 to 14 hours of sleep per day, and school-age children need 10 to 11. Ideally, at our house we need Emily to be falling asleep at 8:00 pm, waking in the morning between 7 and 8, and napping for two hours between 12:00 and 2:00 p.m. And the ideal scenario for the boys is falling asleep at 8:30 p.m., and waking around 7:oo--which is what they usually do.
We will pray tonight about trying a week of spanking, and we should also convert her crib to a toddler bed, to avoid any broken bones from her climbing out. Why not go through the dreaded bed-change transition while we're at it? My mom recently told me that my three-year-old nephew broke his arm from climbing over a safety gate. I sure don't need an emergency room visit!
Generally, I don't think buying new bedding helps with this issue, but I might price some Dora sheets/comforter for toddler beds, just in case.
Please, leave me a comment about how you lived through this same thing, and now have a peaceful household at bedtime, and a well-rested toddler/preschooler! Emily is 30 months old, which I think makes her a preschooler now. Thank you!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
A PORTION OF MY DAY
Emily Rose is waking up a little earlier everyday. She's gone from her standard 8:30 a.m. wake up, to a barely respectable 6:45 a.m. Like my friend Jess, I suspect it is the light coming into the room too early. Room darkening shades--when we can afford them--are a necessary purchase, I fear. For now, dinner, baths and bedtime have been moved to earlier times.
Don works two part-time cleaning jobs. He was gone a good portion of the day today--giving me a good idea of how things will be when he begins school and study time away from home.
Here is a typical glimpse:
3:30 - Time for Anna's nap. I nurse her, put her in her crib, and then go to the playroom to check on Emily Rose and the boys. Emily has a number two in her trainer, which I immediately smell. I take her into her bedroom for a clean-up and change. She wiggles and the messy diaper makes a mess on the changing pad. I move her off of it and roll it up to be washed later. I finish the change.
3:45 - Put Emily back in the playroom (which is gated at this time), put soiled linens on top of washer, wash hands. I go to check on Anna, who has not yet fallen asleep. I pat her a few times, reach down and kiss her, tell her I love her, and exit to check on the others.
Finding that Emily Rose successfully climbed over the gate, I suggest she play with her teacups and some water at the kitchen table. She happily agrees. I get it set up for her, put her in her booster seat, and buckle her in, so she can't escape and get into trouble while I check on Anna. Then I go check on Anna again.
4:00 - Anna has not fallen asleep. Her nap is now 30 minutes late. I contemplate what to do.
Meanwhile, the boys ask to go outside, and I say yes. I help them find their hats. I notice that Emily has poured her water all over the table, and that her shorts and shirt are wet. I pick her up and take off her wet clothes, noticing that her trainer again is soiled, which is a very unusual pattern for her.
4:15 - I change Emily again, and get her ready to play outside. While I do that, I notice Timothy is out without his hat. I go outside to give it to him, while Emily tries to put her shoes on herself. I quickly go check Anna, and find she has soiled her diaper and clothes. I change her, deposit soiled clothes on top of washer, wash my hands, kiss her, and give her the binky.
Then I let Emily outside, first checking that the fence gate is closed and locked. While I am briefly out there, Daniel tells me that Timothy poured out most of a $9 bottle of sunscreen onto the lawn--just for fun, apparently. I am livid. I pull him in and put him to bed, telling him that I won't buy popsicles for him for three weeks, as that would equal the total cost of the sunscreen.
Daniel didn't tell me this right away, but pouring out the sunscreen was his idea. He is feeling guilty, but not ready to tell me. This is all unbeknownst to me, since Timothy didn't mention it being Daniel's idea--not that I gave him a chance to mention anything. His consequence was very swift, since I was so angry at the senselessness of his act.
Daniel is feeling guilty enough that he no longer wants to be outside.
I can now hear the baby crying, so I tell Daniel and Emily that I must rock Anna to sleep, since she is now an hour late for her nap. I tell them they must go to the playroom. I put up two tension gates (one on top of the other), in an attempt to keep Emily Rose in the playroom, which I peruse for dangers first.
4:30 - I go to get Anna, and find her freshly-donned outfit covered in spit-up, which has also soiled the sheets. I wipe her with a warm washcloth, change her, take off the bedding, and go to rock her--depositing the soiled linen on the washer first.
4:40 - I rock Anna, all the while praying that Emily stays in the playroom with Daniel and that I don't hear any ruckus in there. Daddy took the boys to the library earlier in the day, so they happen to be watching a Magic School Bus video, which I hope engages Emily long enough for Anna is fall asleep. Anna is transferring better to the crib now from the rocker, so I anticipate putting her there after about fifteen minutes of rocking.
However, since she is now overtired, she thrashes and cries for twenty-five minutes before falling asleep. She has no interest in nursing again, perhaps because of the teeth she is working on right now. Once she is asleep, I plead with the Lord that the other two stay engaged so that I can transfer Anna to the crib without mishap. But no, Daniel decides to let Emily out, and comes to me and says that he will watch Emily. Ha! Daniel is no babysitter! I am livid, and I give him my meanest look, and tell him to take her back immediately, and try to engage her with a story while I transfer Anna to the crib. I use my looks, and keep my voice at a whisper, so as not to wake Anna.
Daniel gets the message, and I am able to transfer Anna successfully.
I now have my second migraine of the day, and it isn't time yet for another dose of Excedrin. I chastise myself for getting so hungry and thirsty, which probably caused the second migraine-- although I know there was no opportunity to eat during the past couple hours, and barely time to drink.
The above is how it typically goes when I am by myself. It is extremely difficult and stressful, and I have a hard time smiling or being light-hearted with the kids. There are constantly things that must be taken care of NOW, either because of safety, or because of maintaining proper hygiene.
Meanwhile, the dishes don't get done, and the laundry either doesn't get started, or it doesn't get finished--until after bedtime. I watch the clock, counting down the time until Don will be home and I'll have help. He has had all four of them by himself a few times only, but that is all it took for him to understand how gruelling it can be.
I spoke to the Lord the whole day, and tried hard to listen to his voice. Some things came to my mind that will make things a bit easier.
- Run everything like a daycare, with schedules for meals, snacks, bathroom time, outside time, free time, lesson time, storytime, activity time, quiet time, etc. This predictability will cut down on behavior issues and condense my clean-up times. They will have much less freedom, but overall things will be safer, and they'll end up getting more attention from me, rather than me just following after them and essentially just cleaning up disasters and putting out fires.
We had such a schedule before Anna Grace was born--although not nearly so regimented.
God will have to help with the potty training and the spit-up problem, since they both take up a whole lot of time and energy--not to mention patience. He will also have to help Anna fall asleep on time, so that she doesn't get cranky and overtired. She is doing better overall--notwithstanding this teething period. The main problem is that she needs at least one nap that is a full two hours, and she never sleeps more than 50 minutes on her own, necessitating at least one hour of rocking to finish one of her naps--most likely the nap that coincides with Emily's. This will have to be quiet activity or TV time for the boys.
Anyhow, I'll figure it out, as long as I keep talking to God--asking for answers and patience. It is likely to be difficult like this until Emily stops getting into things, which I remember occurs around 36 to 42 months old. By then of course, the baby will be getting into things.
COUNT IT ALL JOY!
Don works two part-time cleaning jobs. He was gone a good portion of the day today--giving me a good idea of how things will be when he begins school and study time away from home.
Here is a typical glimpse:
3:30 - Time for Anna's nap. I nurse her, put her in her crib, and then go to the playroom to check on Emily Rose and the boys. Emily has a number two in her trainer, which I immediately smell. I take her into her bedroom for a clean-up and change. She wiggles and the messy diaper makes a mess on the changing pad. I move her off of it and roll it up to be washed later. I finish the change.
3:45 - Put Emily back in the playroom (which is gated at this time), put soiled linens on top of washer, wash hands. I go to check on Anna, who has not yet fallen asleep. I pat her a few times, reach down and kiss her, tell her I love her, and exit to check on the others.
Finding that Emily Rose successfully climbed over the gate, I suggest she play with her teacups and some water at the kitchen table. She happily agrees. I get it set up for her, put her in her booster seat, and buckle her in, so she can't escape and get into trouble while I check on Anna. Then I go check on Anna again.
4:00 - Anna has not fallen asleep. Her nap is now 30 minutes late. I contemplate what to do.
Meanwhile, the boys ask to go outside, and I say yes. I help them find their hats. I notice that Emily has poured her water all over the table, and that her shorts and shirt are wet. I pick her up and take off her wet clothes, noticing that her trainer again is soiled, which is a very unusual pattern for her.
4:15 - I change Emily again, and get her ready to play outside. While I do that, I notice Timothy is out without his hat. I go outside to give it to him, while Emily tries to put her shoes on herself. I quickly go check Anna, and find she has soiled her diaper and clothes. I change her, deposit soiled clothes on top of washer, wash my hands, kiss her, and give her the binky.
Then I let Emily outside, first checking that the fence gate is closed and locked. While I am briefly out there, Daniel tells me that Timothy poured out most of a $9 bottle of sunscreen onto the lawn--just for fun, apparently. I am livid. I pull him in and put him to bed, telling him that I won't buy popsicles for him for three weeks, as that would equal the total cost of the sunscreen.
Daniel didn't tell me this right away, but pouring out the sunscreen was his idea. He is feeling guilty, but not ready to tell me. This is all unbeknownst to me, since Timothy didn't mention it being Daniel's idea--not that I gave him a chance to mention anything. His consequence was very swift, since I was so angry at the senselessness of his act.
Daniel is feeling guilty enough that he no longer wants to be outside.
I can now hear the baby crying, so I tell Daniel and Emily that I must rock Anna to sleep, since she is now an hour late for her nap. I tell them they must go to the playroom. I put up two tension gates (one on top of the other), in an attempt to keep Emily Rose in the playroom, which I peruse for dangers first.
4:30 - I go to get Anna, and find her freshly-donned outfit covered in spit-up, which has also soiled the sheets. I wipe her with a warm washcloth, change her, take off the bedding, and go to rock her--depositing the soiled linen on the washer first.
4:40 - I rock Anna, all the while praying that Emily stays in the playroom with Daniel and that I don't hear any ruckus in there. Daddy took the boys to the library earlier in the day, so they happen to be watching a Magic School Bus video, which I hope engages Emily long enough for Anna is fall asleep. Anna is transferring better to the crib now from the rocker, so I anticipate putting her there after about fifteen minutes of rocking.
However, since she is now overtired, she thrashes and cries for twenty-five minutes before falling asleep. She has no interest in nursing again, perhaps because of the teeth she is working on right now. Once she is asleep, I plead with the Lord that the other two stay engaged so that I can transfer Anna to the crib without mishap. But no, Daniel decides to let Emily out, and comes to me and says that he will watch Emily. Ha! Daniel is no babysitter! I am livid, and I give him my meanest look, and tell him to take her back immediately, and try to engage her with a story while I transfer Anna to the crib. I use my looks, and keep my voice at a whisper, so as not to wake Anna.
Daniel gets the message, and I am able to transfer Anna successfully.
I now have my second migraine of the day, and it isn't time yet for another dose of Excedrin. I chastise myself for getting so hungry and thirsty, which probably caused the second migraine-- although I know there was no opportunity to eat during the past couple hours, and barely time to drink.
The above is how it typically goes when I am by myself. It is extremely difficult and stressful, and I have a hard time smiling or being light-hearted with the kids. There are constantly things that must be taken care of NOW, either because of safety, or because of maintaining proper hygiene.
Meanwhile, the dishes don't get done, and the laundry either doesn't get started, or it doesn't get finished--until after bedtime. I watch the clock, counting down the time until Don will be home and I'll have help. He has had all four of them by himself a few times only, but that is all it took for him to understand how gruelling it can be.
I spoke to the Lord the whole day, and tried hard to listen to his voice. Some things came to my mind that will make things a bit easier.
- Run everything like a daycare, with schedules for meals, snacks, bathroom time, outside time, free time, lesson time, storytime, activity time, quiet time, etc. This predictability will cut down on behavior issues and condense my clean-up times. They will have much less freedom, but overall things will be safer, and they'll end up getting more attention from me, rather than me just following after them and essentially just cleaning up disasters and putting out fires.
We had such a schedule before Anna Grace was born--although not nearly so regimented.
God will have to help with the potty training and the spit-up problem, since they both take up a whole lot of time and energy--not to mention patience. He will also have to help Anna fall asleep on time, so that she doesn't get cranky and overtired. She is doing better overall--notwithstanding this teething period. The main problem is that she needs at least one nap that is a full two hours, and she never sleeps more than 50 minutes on her own, necessitating at least one hour of rocking to finish one of her naps--most likely the nap that coincides with Emily's. This will have to be quiet activity or TV time for the boys.
Anyhow, I'll figure it out, as long as I keep talking to God--asking for answers and patience. It is likely to be difficult like this until Emily stops getting into things, which I remember occurs around 36 to 42 months old. By then of course, the baby will be getting into things.
COUNT IT ALL JOY!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
No fuss
Emily Rose (aka "My do myself!") has proven less stubborn than Timothy. She didn't get out of her crib again last night, and she waited for me to get her out this morning. A little cooperation soothes the mothering soul. No?
Anna Grace awoke earlier than usual--an early 6:30a.m. rather than a respectable 7:30. We got some toys and let her play between us in bed. She babbled to us....we babbled tiredly back. She rolled back and forth between us, attempting to fully wake us. It was the sweetest experience, I must say, notwithstanding how tired I was.
Anna was ready for her first nap at 8:30 a.m. Daddy had to go on a milk run, so I put her in her crib but couldn't sit here at the computer. I was supervising the morning play of Emily and Timothy instead.
I checked back twice, while she rolled around in her crib, talking to herself. Lo and behold, after about ten minutes, she had put herself to sleep.
A little cooperation warms the mothering heart. Sometimes, things just work out. No fuss or muss.
Now, is it just me, or do they seem to be easier with girls? A dangerous statement--I know. One of my girls will have a respectable hissy fit today, just because I said that.
Side note: Stephanie, is there an editing website that is helpful in reviewing grammar rules, punctuation rules (like use of hyphens), etc.? Thank you!
Anna Grace awoke earlier than usual--an early 6:30a.m. rather than a respectable 7:30. We got some toys and let her play between us in bed. She babbled to us....we babbled tiredly back. She rolled back and forth between us, attempting to fully wake us. It was the sweetest experience, I must say, notwithstanding how tired I was.
Anna was ready for her first nap at 8:30 a.m. Daddy had to go on a milk run, so I put her in her crib but couldn't sit here at the computer. I was supervising the morning play of Emily and Timothy instead.
I checked back twice, while she rolled around in her crib, talking to herself. Lo and behold, after about ten minutes, she had put herself to sleep.
A little cooperation warms the mothering heart. Sometimes, things just work out. No fuss or muss.
Now, is it just me, or do they seem to be easier with girls? A dangerous statement--I know. One of my girls will have a respectable hissy fit today, just because I said that.
Side note: Stephanie, is there an editing website that is helpful in reviewing grammar rules, punctuation rules (like use of hyphens), etc.? Thank you!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I knew it was coming
I knew it was coming. Mentally, I prepared. It was only a matter of days.
Tonight, it happened.
Emily Rose got out of her crib after lights-out time. Physically, she's been capable of it for some time. Last fall she got out twice, but then decided she rather still liked her crib. I was pregnant, and very happy she made that wise decision.
Tonight, she decided she rather liked CLIMBING OUT. This was AFTER the bathing, brushing of teeth, reading of stories, singing of songs, giving of hugs, and finally..to end it..the lights-out farewell.
She got out three times within a twenty-minute period. Bedtime has been peaceful for a very long time. No more.
We have a plan. The broken record routine--which worked well with Timothy when he was 2.5 years old. Keep putting her back in, no matter how many times she comes out. Say a brief, loving goodnight each time, keeping our voice cheerful, but still matter-of-fact. We won't have a hissy fit about the repetition of it all. I had a couple of those when Timothy went through this. They don't work. NEVER let them see you sweat.
Timothy, known for his stubbornness back then, once got out thirteen times IN A ROW! I finally just camped outside his door. Going about my business was useless.
After a couple tear-filled weeks, bedtime became peaceful. I had won. (Don was second-shift back then, and I was pregnant with Emily)
I will win again. I will. I will. No two year old is going to do me in. No sirree.
It's been thirty minutes, and she hasn't come out again. Might I be so lucky? Will that be it?
Stay tuned.
Tonight, it happened.
Emily Rose got out of her crib after lights-out time. Physically, she's been capable of it for some time. Last fall she got out twice, but then decided she rather still liked her crib. I was pregnant, and very happy she made that wise decision.
Tonight, she decided she rather liked CLIMBING OUT. This was AFTER the bathing, brushing of teeth, reading of stories, singing of songs, giving of hugs, and finally..to end it..the lights-out farewell.
She got out three times within a twenty-minute period. Bedtime has been peaceful for a very long time. No more.
We have a plan. The broken record routine--which worked well with Timothy when he was 2.5 years old. Keep putting her back in, no matter how many times she comes out. Say a brief, loving goodnight each time, keeping our voice cheerful, but still matter-of-fact. We won't have a hissy fit about the repetition of it all. I had a couple of those when Timothy went through this. They don't work. NEVER let them see you sweat.
Timothy, known for his stubbornness back then, once got out thirteen times IN A ROW! I finally just camped outside his door. Going about my business was useless.
After a couple tear-filled weeks, bedtime became peaceful. I had won. (Don was second-shift back then, and I was pregnant with Emily)
I will win again. I will. I will. No two year old is going to do me in. No sirree.
It's been thirty minutes, and she hasn't come out again. Might I be so lucky? Will that be it?
Stay tuned.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Dear Timothy--Like Father, Like Son?
Dear Timothy,
You did a funny thing yesterday, my Timmy Tyme. Being an absent-minded professor type, you always take forever to eat and get dressed. It's just your way--annoying though it is. Those activities are a waste of time to you, I guess. Mommy has a habit of forgetting to eat...but my dressing? I seem to do fine attending to that.
Your mind just seems to wander, taking you to great places, no doubt. Maybe it's the large map of Ohio that is just above your bed, made by Daddy and Daniel during a social studies lesson? Does it set your mind to wondering about something? I often see you standing up on your bed, studying that map, naked as a jay bird. Your clothes I find still laid out--untouched--on your bed. "Timothy! I said to get dressed!" Five minutes later, I come back, finding you tinkering with a puzzle. "TIMOTHY! Get dressed! Focus!" And so it goes, my Timmy Tyme. Sometimes I swear you have ADD, but there are no OTHER signs. Just this dressing and eating and cleaning-up thing. You focus well at all other times. I've considered whether you might be the passive-aggressive type--but no, there are no other signs of that. There's nothing intentional about your mind wanderings.
You were never one to want to do any personal care for yourself. Unlike your sister, Emily Rose, who is constantly insisting, "No! My do! I big girl! Me do it!" You've never uttered anything like that, my love. Come to think of it--your brother never has either. Must have to do with the differences between boys and girls? Girls want to hurry and grow up, so they can take care of others? Boys don't see the need to take care of anybody--themselves included? lol
Come to think of it--Daddy does ask me if his clothes match before we head off to church. Or he just asks me what I want him to wear. lol Maybe so he won't have to change? Your Daddy's hopeless-bachelor roommate said to me, about the time we got engaged, "That man needs a wife worse than any man I've ever met!" Not really knowing what he meant, I just laughed nervously. And when your Daddy, at age 38, told his PA friends that he was moving to California, they chuckled and said, "Don, I'm telling ya. Your clothes will never make it in California!"
When our family grew and we had to get four children ready for church, I no longer cared what Daddy wore to church. I think he was a little disappointed, to tell you the truth. Any other day he doesn't care what matches, and tends to pick out the oldest, most-worn clothes, as a rule. Mommy, being the personally-neat and tidy one, sometimes tries to throw away your Daddy's old T-shirts. You know--the ones that are frayed at the neck? Half the time, I'm found out. "Oh..how did that make it into the trash?", I say, upon him holding up the shirt. Then I turn away, trying not to smile.
Anyhow, you and your brother enjoyed some water play yesterday--followed by a snack inside and getting into dry clothes--before venturing out again to make a race track out of the boards we took off the garden beds. After serving your snack, I reminded you of where you left your dry clothes, and then I went about my indoor business.
Checking on the two of you a bit later, I saw you outside with just your dry T-shirt on--nothing else.
Momma: "Timothy! You're naked! What are you DOING? For heaven's sake!"
Timothy: (Looking at me like..what's the big deal?) "Oh, I didn't know that." You then hot-tail it inside (afraid you might get disciplined), looking everywhere for your dry shorts--the location of which I'd already reminded you about.
That's my Timmy! I'll be sure and give a heads-up to your future wife.
Mommy to fiance: "I tried! I promise--I tried! All my efforts were a waste of time. He's a hopeless personal-care case! What can I say? He knew all his letters and sounds by his second birthday (without direct teaching), was reading at four, and knew what a negative number was at five. But remembering to put on his clothes before going outside? Hopeless!"
So, Timothy. Remember this when your own son is five and you find yourself throwing up your hands in frustration. Something tells me Daddy was just like you---all those years ago.
I love you, Sweet Timmy Tyme! Keep on wondering..dreaming..discovering. I'll try not to get in your way too much. Except to keep you from accidentally mooning the neighbors. lol
All My Love,
Momma
You did a funny thing yesterday, my Timmy Tyme. Being an absent-minded professor type, you always take forever to eat and get dressed. It's just your way--annoying though it is. Those activities are a waste of time to you, I guess. Mommy has a habit of forgetting to eat...but my dressing? I seem to do fine attending to that.
Your mind just seems to wander, taking you to great places, no doubt. Maybe it's the large map of Ohio that is just above your bed, made by Daddy and Daniel during a social studies lesson? Does it set your mind to wondering about something? I often see you standing up on your bed, studying that map, naked as a jay bird. Your clothes I find still laid out--untouched--on your bed. "Timothy! I said to get dressed!" Five minutes later, I come back, finding you tinkering with a puzzle. "TIMOTHY! Get dressed! Focus!" And so it goes, my Timmy Tyme. Sometimes I swear you have ADD, but there are no OTHER signs. Just this dressing and eating and cleaning-up thing. You focus well at all other times. I've considered whether you might be the passive-aggressive type--but no, there are no other signs of that. There's nothing intentional about your mind wanderings.
You were never one to want to do any personal care for yourself. Unlike your sister, Emily Rose, who is constantly insisting, "No! My do! I big girl! Me do it!" You've never uttered anything like that, my love. Come to think of it--your brother never has either. Must have to do with the differences between boys and girls? Girls want to hurry and grow up, so they can take care of others? Boys don't see the need to take care of anybody--themselves included? lol
Come to think of it--Daddy does ask me if his clothes match before we head off to church. Or he just asks me what I want him to wear. lol Maybe so he won't have to change? Your Daddy's hopeless-bachelor roommate said to me, about the time we got engaged, "That man needs a wife worse than any man I've ever met!" Not really knowing what he meant, I just laughed nervously. And when your Daddy, at age 38, told his PA friends that he was moving to California, they chuckled and said, "Don, I'm telling ya. Your clothes will never make it in California!"
When our family grew and we had to get four children ready for church, I no longer cared what Daddy wore to church. I think he was a little disappointed, to tell you the truth. Any other day he doesn't care what matches, and tends to pick out the oldest, most-worn clothes, as a rule. Mommy, being the personally-neat and tidy one, sometimes tries to throw away your Daddy's old T-shirts. You know--the ones that are frayed at the neck? Half the time, I'm found out. "Oh..how did that make it into the trash?", I say, upon him holding up the shirt. Then I turn away, trying not to smile.
Anyhow, you and your brother enjoyed some water play yesterday--followed by a snack inside and getting into dry clothes--before venturing out again to make a race track out of the boards we took off the garden beds. After serving your snack, I reminded you of where you left your dry clothes, and then I went about my indoor business.
Checking on the two of you a bit later, I saw you outside with just your dry T-shirt on--nothing else.
Momma: "Timothy! You're naked! What are you DOING? For heaven's sake!"
Timothy: (Looking at me like..what's the big deal?) "Oh, I didn't know that." You then hot-tail it inside (afraid you might get disciplined), looking everywhere for your dry shorts--the location of which I'd already reminded you about.
That's my Timmy! I'll be sure and give a heads-up to your future wife.
Mommy to fiance: "I tried! I promise--I tried! All my efforts were a waste of time. He's a hopeless personal-care case! What can I say? He knew all his letters and sounds by his second birthday (without direct teaching), was reading at four, and knew what a negative number was at five. But remembering to put on his clothes before going outside? Hopeless!"
So, Timothy. Remember this when your own son is five and you find yourself throwing up your hands in frustration. Something tells me Daddy was just like you---all those years ago.
I love you, Sweet Timmy Tyme! Keep on wondering..dreaming..discovering. I'll try not to get in your way too much. Except to keep you from accidentally mooning the neighbors. lol
All My Love,
Momma
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Dishing it back at me
It was hot again today. Nobody was really in the mood for pictures, but I wanted some with our tulips. Most of this planter box is covered with them.
Grandpa got them matching shirts.
She's a wiggle worm, that Emily Rose. This was the best look of her face, believe it or not. From the looks of my shirt, I forgot to hook my nursing bra again. Hate when that happens.
It's soooo hot, Mommy! Are we done yet?
Hunting for eggs with Auntie Lorrie after church on Easter Sunday. My husband won't do Santa Claus, or Halloween, but for some reason, he allows Easter hunts (but no mentioning of that bunny guy allowed, except to explain that he's part of a story). I think it's because he loves the outdoors, and he loves chocolate. LOL
Borrowing Mommy's mirror to put on lipstick (which is actually chapstick). Yes, while on the potty.
Easter afternoon, which ended up being sunny and about 50 degrees.I dished out some harsh stuff to the Lord in this morning's post. And he dished out good stuff right back at me. God can take our anger, our pain, our blame, and love us all the while. When we're done, he gives us wisdom. We lack so many things in our humanity, and wisdom is a huge one. Not all our conversations with him have to be civil, I'm finding. He wants communion with us, despite our mood.
Love is a verb, God tells me. It was always meant to be so. Children will have unlovable ways, but we are still called to EXERCISE love. We must dig down as deep as it takes, even in the most frustrating of circumstances. Do love. We must do love.
God reminded me today, while I tried, to no avail, to nap with the baby, that Daniel truly doesn't want to be so hateful, so defiant, so oppositional. He feels quite often, the way I feel only when I'm sleep deprived - like I could cry easily, short-tempered, very easily frustrated. When the remorse over his outbursts sets in, he gets even more frustrated, because he has no idea how to change.
He struggles mightily to calm down, after the most minor disappointments. God showed me that instead of being reactionary, I should work with Daniel to help him calm down - such as rocking with him in the rocking chair, singing to him while I stroke his hair or his cheek. These don't sound like things we would normally do with seven year olds, but I have to remember that his neurological handicap doesn't allow him to self-soothe the way a 7 year old should. Some will say it's babying him and not solving anything. But trying to discipline him out of a fit only escalates and prolongs the agony for the whole family.
If I show him how to soothe, he can hopefully learn to utilize calming techniques in my absence. The key is for us to not take the outbursts personally, so that we remain outside observers, rather than participants.
God reminded me of a lot today. Good stuff. Now maybe tonight he'll allow me to sleep.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Manners
Arwen wrote a very funny post about manners this morning (see link below)! The topic reminded me of something that has occurred a few times over the years with our kids. Have you ever had a stranger or an acquaintance say hello to your child, only to have your child look away or just give the person a blank stare? Usually it happens when one of my children is tired, hungry, or otherwise plagued with moodiness. Nevertheless, it drives me nuts. I used to be so concerned about what people thought of my parenting, that I would work at getting the proper response from my child, while the somewhat miffed person watched. The more I worked at it, the more moody my child would become. Finally, I would give up, not knowing what more I could do, short of giving their hand a minor slapping in public, which I was against. (I abhor public spanking.) Because of my giving up, it was always clear that the onlooker now thought even worse of my parenting, and of my child. A lecture would ensue, after the stranger went away, and I was always in a horrible mood myself after such incidents. Does this sound familiar?
A few weeks ago, at an Easter-craft homeschooling party, there was a man attending who was a bit off socially. This Easter affair was our second time seeing him, and both times he wanted to hold our two girls almost immediately. He made nice with them and such, trying to get them to smile. Emily Rose smiled at him at the first meeting, and we did finally let him hold Anna Grace that time. He was the father of two of the kids in attendance.
This last meeting, Emily wouldn't smile at him. She was miffed that we wouldn't let her dye any eggs without our help, and it was near her naptime. I reminded her to be nice and say hi, but she would have none of it. I gave up and ignored her, and just said something to him about her being in a mood. He obviously thought I should have worked harder to get her to be socially correct. However, I'm just not as concerned with what people think of me now, compared to when the boys were this age. This scenario doesn't seem worth getting upset over anymore, although we do still talk to the child afterwards about what is appropriate.
Anyone have suggestions for this?
Also, Timothy is such a picky eater, that he gets stressed out and can be rude when we go places and he sees food he doesn't like. He'll say out loud,"I hate carrot cake! Isn't there any chocolate?" And he'll even start crying. We take him outside, if possible, and calm him down and remind him to keep quiet about foods he doesn't like, since it sounds so ungrateful to the host or hostess. Usually people say not to worry about it, but it is still stressful to us as parents. Nowadays, we go over the manners he should use if he sees foods he doesn't like, and we remind him that we aren't going to force him to eat anything.
We'll see how things go this summer, when picnics are on the schedule again. He can sound so incredibly rude at food-related outings! I hope he grows out of this food-phobia stage! But for heaven's sake - the child is still eating his Cheerios dry, because he isn't brave enough to try them with milk! Can anyone feel my pain with this?
Spors in the Desert: Dear Miss Manners
The boys and Daddy went to two different parks to find rocks round and smooth enough to be made into ladybugs. Now I'm off to find acrylic paint at Walmart! Happy Earth Day!
A few weeks ago, at an Easter-craft homeschooling party, there was a man attending who was a bit off socially. This Easter affair was our second time seeing him, and both times he wanted to hold our two girls almost immediately. He made nice with them and such, trying to get them to smile. Emily Rose smiled at him at the first meeting, and we did finally let him hold Anna Grace that time. He was the father of two of the kids in attendance.
This last meeting, Emily wouldn't smile at him. She was miffed that we wouldn't let her dye any eggs without our help, and it was near her naptime. I reminded her to be nice and say hi, but she would have none of it. I gave up and ignored her, and just said something to him about her being in a mood. He obviously thought I should have worked harder to get her to be socially correct. However, I'm just not as concerned with what people think of me now, compared to when the boys were this age. This scenario doesn't seem worth getting upset over anymore, although we do still talk to the child afterwards about what is appropriate.
Anyone have suggestions for this?
Also, Timothy is such a picky eater, that he gets stressed out and can be rude when we go places and he sees food he doesn't like. He'll say out loud,"I hate carrot cake! Isn't there any chocolate?" And he'll even start crying. We take him outside, if possible, and calm him down and remind him to keep quiet about foods he doesn't like, since it sounds so ungrateful to the host or hostess. Usually people say not to worry about it, but it is still stressful to us as parents. Nowadays, we go over the manners he should use if he sees foods he doesn't like, and we remind him that we aren't going to force him to eat anything.
We'll see how things go this summer, when picnics are on the schedule again. He can sound so incredibly rude at food-related outings! I hope he grows out of this food-phobia stage! But for heaven's sake - the child is still eating his Cheerios dry, because he isn't brave enough to try them with milk! Can anyone feel my pain with this?
Spors in the Desert: Dear Miss Manners
The boys and Daddy went to two different parks to find rocks round and smooth enough to be made into ladybugs. Now I'm off to find acrylic paint at Walmart! Happy Earth Day!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A Dark Side
Last night I wrote mostly about the warm fuzzies of parenting. Life with young children is as messy as it is warm and fuzzy, and in light of that, today's post is about yelling. As hard as it is, I want to be real - dirty laundry and all. A journalist merely relays information, but a writer speaks of the human condition. If I hope to write someday, I must be brave enough to reveal all sides of the human heart - mine included.
On the weekends, Daniel doesn't usually get his ADHD med. Meant for school days only - holidays, vacations and weekends are supposed to be med-free zones. However, we had school days to make up from the aftermath of Anna's December birth, and we've been using some Saturdays to make them up; on those days, we give the med. But with Daniel only having some Bible Study and science to complete yesterday, we decided he should skip it.
Well, he was horrible, from morning to night. Obviously the medicine is working better than we thought. We just needed a comparison. By midday, I pleaded with my husband to take the boys somewhere. I felt like I hated Daniel; I couldn't deal with him another minute. This is the tragedy of ADHD, and the main justification for medicine, in my view. These children, all children, need a sufficient amount of positive interaction in order to develop normally. That is jeopardized in an ADHD household.
How can a parent feel hate toward their child, you might wonder? You have to live it to understand.
Anyway, back to Saturday. Shamefully, I was yelling a lot, which wasn't fair to anyone in the family. Not all the offenses required a consequence - some were just meant to annoy, and were better ignored.
If you only have babies and toddlers right now, you can't envision ever doing any yelling. You will likely feel judgemental toward me for this offense, and that's okay. I felt the same way, back in the day.
I don't know how God speaks to you, but with me, he often uses phrases from the Bible, from the news, from my husband, from a friend or fellow Christian, or from one of my children. Today he spoke loudly and clearly to me about my yelling. I was reading a shocking article about five children who were slain by their biological father. Within the story was a quote from a neighbor: "We often heard the father yelling at the children." That sentence resonated. Feeling immediate shame, I knew I had to stop yelling, for the sake of my own family, and because neighbors might be taking it in. That would ruin any Christian witness, which is unacceptable to God.
The Lord was merciful, in pointing out that I needed to do something about my late nights. I hadn't connected the increased yelling to the lack of sleep, but God did. Beginning tonight, I will be in bed no later than 11:30 p.m. My justification for staying up has always been that I needed time to wind down from a full day with young, needy children, as well as to make a dent in the paperwork/housework. There is always a balance that must be struck, and I wasn't striking it.
When God asks something new of us, it is my experience that he partners with us, as long as we are willing to acknowledge his message, and submit our will to him - the craftsman. We are mistaken if we think he wants us to solve it in our own strength; we only spin our wheels and get discouraged. Mostly, our role is to acknowledge, repent, and step aside.
On the weekends, Daniel doesn't usually get his ADHD med. Meant for school days only - holidays, vacations and weekends are supposed to be med-free zones. However, we had school days to make up from the aftermath of Anna's December birth, and we've been using some Saturdays to make them up; on those days, we give the med. But with Daniel only having some Bible Study and science to complete yesterday, we decided he should skip it.
Well, he was horrible, from morning to night. Obviously the medicine is working better than we thought. We just needed a comparison. By midday, I pleaded with my husband to take the boys somewhere. I felt like I hated Daniel; I couldn't deal with him another minute. This is the tragedy of ADHD, and the main justification for medicine, in my view. These children, all children, need a sufficient amount of positive interaction in order to develop normally. That is jeopardized in an ADHD household.
How can a parent feel hate toward their child, you might wonder? You have to live it to understand.
Anyway, back to Saturday. Shamefully, I was yelling a lot, which wasn't fair to anyone in the family. Not all the offenses required a consequence - some were just meant to annoy, and were better ignored.
If you only have babies and toddlers right now, you can't envision ever doing any yelling. You will likely feel judgemental toward me for this offense, and that's okay. I felt the same way, back in the day.
I don't know how God speaks to you, but with me, he often uses phrases from the Bible, from the news, from my husband, from a friend or fellow Christian, or from one of my children. Today he spoke loudly and clearly to me about my yelling. I was reading a shocking article about five children who were slain by their biological father. Within the story was a quote from a neighbor: "We often heard the father yelling at the children." That sentence resonated. Feeling immediate shame, I knew I had to stop yelling, for the sake of my own family, and because neighbors might be taking it in. That would ruin any Christian witness, which is unacceptable to God.
The Lord was merciful, in pointing out that I needed to do something about my late nights. I hadn't connected the increased yelling to the lack of sleep, but God did. Beginning tonight, I will be in bed no later than 11:30 p.m. My justification for staying up has always been that I needed time to wind down from a full day with young, needy children, as well as to make a dent in the paperwork/housework. There is always a balance that must be struck, and I wasn't striking it.
When God asks something new of us, it is my experience that he partners with us, as long as we are willing to acknowledge his message, and submit our will to him - the craftsman. We are mistaken if we think he wants us to solve it in our own strength; we only spin our wheels and get discouraged. Mostly, our role is to acknowledge, repent, and step aside.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
The Banana Punishment
While people the world over argue about whether Michelle Obama goofed in putting her arm around Her Royal Highness's shoulder, I tackle the real issues. Like discipline, and learning to respond, rather than react, to my tiny family of four young'uns. The react/respond distinction came from the 9ndHouse blog, featured on the sidebar. I trust as gospel what any homeschooling mother of seven says about discipline!
Last month I contemplated the fact that Daniel was still having small to large-size fits whenever "recess" ended, and the next school subject began. It had been going on awhile, despite us trying time-outs, loss of privileges, and spankings. Finally, one day, as I was reading an argument about whether waterboarding really constituted torture, I thought to myself - I really need to throw out the military field guide and come up with "painful" consequences. As a teacher, you are stuck with a small arsenal, but no so as a parent; I realized I was stuck in a field-guide rut.
So following his next fit, I told Daniel he had to spend the entire day in his room, coming out only for meals and bathroom breaks. And guess what.......It worked! Smooth school-day transitions have resulted. He's been in "jail" only once since that day. At the ADHD appointment with his pediatrician that month, I discussed how this punishment had worked, acknowledging that it was perhaps excessive. He applauded me, and mentioned that he has parents tell him that timeout only makes their (ADHD) kids laugh. Use what works, he recommended.
Another more infrequent behavior I just loathed, was when Daniel would break the no-earlier-than 7 a.m. rising rule. When this happened, we would confront him, send him back to bed, and then deal with a half-hour of turmoil, during which the whole house would awaken. This blood-boiling string of events occurred perhaps five times a month, with yesterday being one of them. Instead of sending him back to bed, and risking him waking his brother, I told him to go to the playroom while I thought of a fitting consequence. After an hour of serious thought, I told him he could have all his meals, but no snacks at all, except for bananas, the entire day. Now, Daniel, skinny though he is, lives to eat. He has high metabolism and really enjoys food, like his Daddy, who is also lean. Usual snacks are cheese sticks, whole wheat buns, cashews, whole wheat chips, strawberries, etc. I knew that he regarded bananas as seriously boring.
Well, the child immediately began crying. It was like I had sentenced him to Alcatraz. He tried to talk his way out of this, by telling me after lunch that buns were very healthy, and weren't we supposed to have 6-9 servings of whole grains daily, after all? I responded that I was glad he remembered his science lesson, but I knew he really liked buns, and that's why I chose bananas.
Take no prisoners, I tell you. Don't feel like you have to come up with a consequence immediately. That's more of a reaction, rather than a response.
Last month I contemplated the fact that Daniel was still having small to large-size fits whenever "recess" ended, and the next school subject began. It had been going on awhile, despite us trying time-outs, loss of privileges, and spankings. Finally, one day, as I was reading an argument about whether waterboarding really constituted torture, I thought to myself - I really need to throw out the military field guide and come up with "painful" consequences. As a teacher, you are stuck with a small arsenal, but no so as a parent; I realized I was stuck in a field-guide rut.
So following his next fit, I told Daniel he had to spend the entire day in his room, coming out only for meals and bathroom breaks. And guess what.......It worked! Smooth school-day transitions have resulted. He's been in "jail" only once since that day. At the ADHD appointment with his pediatrician that month, I discussed how this punishment had worked, acknowledging that it was perhaps excessive. He applauded me, and mentioned that he has parents tell him that timeout only makes their (ADHD) kids laugh. Use what works, he recommended.
Another more infrequent behavior I just loathed, was when Daniel would break the no-earlier-than 7 a.m. rising rule. When this happened, we would confront him, send him back to bed, and then deal with a half-hour of turmoil, during which the whole house would awaken. This blood-boiling string of events occurred perhaps five times a month, with yesterday being one of them. Instead of sending him back to bed, and risking him waking his brother, I told him to go to the playroom while I thought of a fitting consequence. After an hour of serious thought, I told him he could have all his meals, but no snacks at all, except for bananas, the entire day. Now, Daniel, skinny though he is, lives to eat. He has high metabolism and really enjoys food, like his Daddy, who is also lean. Usual snacks are cheese sticks, whole wheat buns, cashews, whole wheat chips, strawberries, etc. I knew that he regarded bananas as seriously boring.
Well, the child immediately began crying. It was like I had sentenced him to Alcatraz. He tried to talk his way out of this, by telling me after lunch that buns were very healthy, and weren't we supposed to have 6-9 servings of whole grains daily, after all? I responded that I was glad he remembered his science lesson, but I knew he really liked buns, and that's why I chose bananas.
Take no prisoners, I tell you. Don't feel like you have to come up with a consequence immediately. That's more of a reaction, rather than a response.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Motherly and Wifely Musings
That Emily Rose will now repeat anything we ask her to say, and she uses new words all day, including her first few two-word phrases. Speech class doesn't even start until next week! I'm so pleased and relieved, that today I raised my hands to the heavens and said, "Praise the Lord!" She did the same thing, only it came out ever so much sweeter, coming from my eternally-joyful Rose Bud.
In other news, Daniel woke up this morning and cleaned the playroom almost entirely by himself, without complaint or any prompting. He left a small pile of miscellaneous stuff for Timothy to put away. Then, after Timothy woke up, Daniel proceeded to clean their room, again leaving Timothy a small pile of junk to process. Did I think my ranting and raving last night would make such an impression? Not quite. But I was prepared to back my words and unplug the TV, if they attempted to turn it on before cleaning these two rooms. There was much less TV viewing, presumably because they didn't want to KEEP cleaning these two rooms. Mom=2 boys=0
During dinner tonight, I had Anna Grace in my lap, while dining next to Timothy. Anna kept smiling up at Timothy, in an attempt to engage him. I told him she wanted his attention, and he was thrilled and flattered! LOL Again during storytime she was in my arms, smiling up at Timothy. He finally noticed and began giving her attention. She was so happy! It's certainly hard sometimes, this raising of a life-filled, exuberant clan. But when you see glimpses of the friendship they enjoy, and the loyalty between them, you realize what a grand thing you're doing.
I feel ashamed somehow, of this vasectomy. It wasn't my decision, although I agreed it didn't appear that God was sending any help, or the financial means, to raise more children. The whole thing, though, makes it seem like we are telling God that in this area, we know best. Our wisdom trumps his. We are both old, and often feel sadness when we think about how old we will be when our kids start raising kids. Still, this doesn't seem right. Even if it is displeasing to God, my part was to step aside and not attempt to fight Don's decision. I think this will help peace come to me, eventually.
I have wondered if Don losing his job was a way to drive home the notion that WE are not in charge. Just like God doesn't want us picking and choosing which parts of the Bible we agree with, he also doesn't want us picking and choosing the areas in which we will trust him. According to the Bible, we can test him on the ten percent tithe, but there is no reference to any other testing. I think this testing of the tithe principal means that one can give 5% or some other figure, and wait to see how God blesses, before giving the whole ten percent. Throughout our ten-year marriage, we've learned that we can't afford to NOT tithe, whatever our circumstances. Now, I've come to believe that we can't afford to NOT TRUST, whatever our circumstances.
In other news, Daniel woke up this morning and cleaned the playroom almost entirely by himself, without complaint or any prompting. He left a small pile of miscellaneous stuff for Timothy to put away. Then, after Timothy woke up, Daniel proceeded to clean their room, again leaving Timothy a small pile of junk to process. Did I think my ranting and raving last night would make such an impression? Not quite. But I was prepared to back my words and unplug the TV, if they attempted to turn it on before cleaning these two rooms. There was much less TV viewing, presumably because they didn't want to KEEP cleaning these two rooms. Mom=2 boys=0
During dinner tonight, I had Anna Grace in my lap, while dining next to Timothy. Anna kept smiling up at Timothy, in an attempt to engage him. I told him she wanted his attention, and he was thrilled and flattered! LOL Again during storytime she was in my arms, smiling up at Timothy. He finally noticed and began giving her attention. She was so happy! It's certainly hard sometimes, this raising of a life-filled, exuberant clan. But when you see glimpses of the friendship they enjoy, and the loyalty between them, you realize what a grand thing you're doing.
I feel ashamed somehow, of this vasectomy. It wasn't my decision, although I agreed it didn't appear that God was sending any help, or the financial means, to raise more children. The whole thing, though, makes it seem like we are telling God that in this area, we know best. Our wisdom trumps his. We are both old, and often feel sadness when we think about how old we will be when our kids start raising kids. Still, this doesn't seem right. Even if it is displeasing to God, my part was to step aside and not attempt to fight Don's decision. I think this will help peace come to me, eventually.
I have wondered if Don losing his job was a way to drive home the notion that WE are not in charge. Just like God doesn't want us picking and choosing which parts of the Bible we agree with, he also doesn't want us picking and choosing the areas in which we will trust him. According to the Bible, we can test him on the ten percent tithe, but there is no reference to any other testing. I think this testing of the tithe principal means that one can give 5% or some other figure, and wait to see how God blesses, before giving the whole ten percent. Throughout our ten-year marriage, we've learned that we can't afford to NOT tithe, whatever our circumstances. Now, I've come to believe that we can't afford to NOT TRUST, whatever our circumstances.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Mommy's Being Irresponsible
First, the funny and the light stuff.
We drove Don to the urologist this morning for his vasectomy, and waited in the car while the deed got done. Inquiring young minds wanted to know what was going on. Guess which inquiring mind was the most curious? Yep, you guessed it - Daniel. We kept our answers vague. Personally, I knew Daniel would hit on the fact that Jesus might not like us deciding that we weren't going to have more children. Knowing this, there was no way I was going to reveal a single thing about this surgery. I've told the kids many times that children are a gift from God. Plus, Daniel picks up on the fact that babies (colicky ones) are hard on Daddy's nerves. Sometimes, Daniel asks me if Daddy is happy that we have Anna. Heartbreaking question, but I understand the differences between men and women in regards to babies. I can tolerate fussiness - for whatever reason, at any age - much better than my husband.
Mommy: "Daddy is having a routine, small surgical procedure, and needs to take it easy for a few days."
Daniel: "Where does he need a surgery?"
Mommy: "It's just a routine procedure. There's nothing wrong with him."
Daniel: "Does he have a problem peeing, like Cousin Elena?"
(Daniel knows of only a couple types of surgeries. His cousin's recent urinary-related surgery is one of them.)
Mommy: "No, there is nothing wrong with him."
Daniel & Timmy: "Then why does he need a surgery?"
Mommy: "It's just a routine procedure that a lot of people get."
I brought along books to read to them, and I'd purchased a large fry for them to share. Trying to keep them somewhat quiet and controlled for forty-five minutes in the van was my main goal.
Things went well. We read the books and played "I Spy", while Anna miraculously slept. Then Daddy came back out. He got seated, and I asked how it went and if he was sad. (I was very sad about it.) With Anna crying in our midst by this time, he gave me a look that said "Sad! Are you crazy?!"
Then Daddy was explaining to me that he couldn't do any heavy lifting, and had to take it easy and use icepacks.
Daniel: "The thing is, Daddy, you just can't get stressed. We should all try hard to behave for a few days."
Needless to say, I laughed all the way to the freeway. The other two don't give us much grief. It's mainly Daniel. :)
Now for the hassles and negatives.
Anna had a very fussy day, and Don couldn't jump in and help like he usually does. The house was a disaster, and everywhere the kids went, they made new messes. Rosey dumped her water-color-dipping water all over the table and floor. I couldn't put Anna down long enough to start any laundry, or even collect the piles around the house. The dishwasher hadn't been emptied, or the breakfast dishes done. The playroom was a nightmare, as well as the boys' room, and every floor in the house needed swept and mopped. And yet there I was, rocking or carrying Anna, who wouldn't stay content for more than ten minutes. Can you imagine what I try to describe here? I'm an energetic person who likes to get things done. Seeing messes in every corner of my house, and being helpless to do anything about it, had my nerves completely frazzled.
I'd mentioned making applesauce earlier in the day. Accidentally, I'd purchased another bag of apples before we'd finished our other. Never forgetting any suggestion like this, Daniel hounded me all day about the applesauce. When will I learn this about ADHD kids? THEY CAN'T WAIT FOR ANYTHING. NOT TO SAVE THEIR LIFE! Never mention what you might have time to do. Never. When you're ready to do it, just call the child over.
By the time we got to baths and stories, I was humorless and very edgy. Rosey wanted The Gingerbread Man. The boys were tired of it. Daniel wanted two non-fiction science books. The other two hated that idea. After more bickering and discussion, we finally settled on four books, and then Daniel kept interrupting my reading (with questions or comments) every few sentences. I was going out of my mind, and trying hard to just get through it. I usually LOVE storytime, but not tonight. It was a struggle not to throw up my hands and just scream.
We finished up, and I brushed Rosey's teeth, sang to her, put on her various creams - scar cream, moisturizer, eczema cream - and tucked her in. Then I went in the little bathroom where the boys were brushing (we go over their teeth, just in case), and noticed toothpaste all over the counter, and foamy toothpaste on parts of the floor. That was the last straw, Folks. I did my medium-level primal scream, and lectured them about messes and being more responsible and helping out and all that Mommy had to do everyday and couldn't they see I was already overloaded????
They went to their room after this, upset and sad, and I heard Timmy tell Daniel that Mommy was "being irresponsible and she shouldn't shout like that." Then Daniel yelled down the hall that Timmy said I was irresponsible.
Sounding so funny to me, I lightened up over that comment, and managed to pray with them and sing to them, before apologizing and tucking them in. I told them, calmly now, that they couldn't watch any TV on any day unless they were willing to clean both their playroom and bedroom first. All TV would be earned, I explained.
They've been watching too much since January, because Anna has taken up so much of our time. Sure, they pick up new vocabulary from "Word Girl", and science concepts from "Sid the Science Kid" and "Fetch", but today was at least 50 degrees, and we had to FORCE them outside. The TV thing has been bothering both of us. We've been at a loss - there's just so much to do! They don't watch much at one sitting, but if we had the stomach to add up the various PBS shows, it might add up to 2.5 hours on some days. We've both been looking for work as well, making it even harder to spend time with them and keep the TV off. Just getting the schooling done and meals fixed is a big challenge.
Anyway, I feel better now, having gotten all this out. I probably should have read the Bible first, though. Thanks for listening.
We drove Don to the urologist this morning for his vasectomy, and waited in the car while the deed got done. Inquiring young minds wanted to know what was going on. Guess which inquiring mind was the most curious? Yep, you guessed it - Daniel. We kept our answers vague. Personally, I knew Daniel would hit on the fact that Jesus might not like us deciding that we weren't going to have more children. Knowing this, there was no way I was going to reveal a single thing about this surgery. I've told the kids many times that children are a gift from God. Plus, Daniel picks up on the fact that babies (colicky ones) are hard on Daddy's nerves. Sometimes, Daniel asks me if Daddy is happy that we have Anna. Heartbreaking question, but I understand the differences between men and women in regards to babies. I can tolerate fussiness - for whatever reason, at any age - much better than my husband.
Mommy: "Daddy is having a routine, small surgical procedure, and needs to take it easy for a few days."
Daniel: "Where does he need a surgery?"
Mommy: "It's just a routine procedure. There's nothing wrong with him."
Daniel: "Does he have a problem peeing, like Cousin Elena?"
(Daniel knows of only a couple types of surgeries. His cousin's recent urinary-related surgery is one of them.)
Mommy: "No, there is nothing wrong with him."
Daniel & Timmy: "Then why does he need a surgery?"
Mommy: "It's just a routine procedure that a lot of people get."
I brought along books to read to them, and I'd purchased a large fry for them to share. Trying to keep them somewhat quiet and controlled for forty-five minutes in the van was my main goal.
Things went well. We read the books and played "I Spy", while Anna miraculously slept. Then Daddy came back out. He got seated, and I asked how it went and if he was sad. (I was very sad about it.) With Anna crying in our midst by this time, he gave me a look that said "Sad! Are you crazy?!"
Then Daddy was explaining to me that he couldn't do any heavy lifting, and had to take it easy and use icepacks.
Daniel: "The thing is, Daddy, you just can't get stressed. We should all try hard to behave for a few days."
Needless to say, I laughed all the way to the freeway. The other two don't give us much grief. It's mainly Daniel. :)
Now for the hassles and negatives.
Anna had a very fussy day, and Don couldn't jump in and help like he usually does. The house was a disaster, and everywhere the kids went, they made new messes. Rosey dumped her water-color-dipping water all over the table and floor. I couldn't put Anna down long enough to start any laundry, or even collect the piles around the house. The dishwasher hadn't been emptied, or the breakfast dishes done. The playroom was a nightmare, as well as the boys' room, and every floor in the house needed swept and mopped. And yet there I was, rocking or carrying Anna, who wouldn't stay content for more than ten minutes. Can you imagine what I try to describe here? I'm an energetic person who likes to get things done. Seeing messes in every corner of my house, and being helpless to do anything about it, had my nerves completely frazzled.
I'd mentioned making applesauce earlier in the day. Accidentally, I'd purchased another bag of apples before we'd finished our other. Never forgetting any suggestion like this, Daniel hounded me all day about the applesauce. When will I learn this about ADHD kids? THEY CAN'T WAIT FOR ANYTHING. NOT TO SAVE THEIR LIFE! Never mention what you might have time to do. Never. When you're ready to do it, just call the child over.
By the time we got to baths and stories, I was humorless and very edgy. Rosey wanted The Gingerbread Man. The boys were tired of it. Daniel wanted two non-fiction science books. The other two hated that idea. After more bickering and discussion, we finally settled on four books, and then Daniel kept interrupting my reading (with questions or comments) every few sentences. I was going out of my mind, and trying hard to just get through it. I usually LOVE storytime, but not tonight. It was a struggle not to throw up my hands and just scream.
We finished up, and I brushed Rosey's teeth, sang to her, put on her various creams - scar cream, moisturizer, eczema cream - and tucked her in. Then I went in the little bathroom where the boys were brushing (we go over their teeth, just in case), and noticed toothpaste all over the counter, and foamy toothpaste on parts of the floor. That was the last straw, Folks. I did my medium-level primal scream, and lectured them about messes and being more responsible and helping out and all that Mommy had to do everyday and couldn't they see I was already overloaded????
They went to their room after this, upset and sad, and I heard Timmy tell Daniel that Mommy was "being irresponsible and she shouldn't shout like that." Then Daniel yelled down the hall that Timmy said I was irresponsible.
Sounding so funny to me, I lightened up over that comment, and managed to pray with them and sing to them, before apologizing and tucking them in. I told them, calmly now, that they couldn't watch any TV on any day unless they were willing to clean both their playroom and bedroom first. All TV would be earned, I explained.
They've been watching too much since January, because Anna has taken up so much of our time. Sure, they pick up new vocabulary from "Word Girl", and science concepts from "Sid the Science Kid" and "Fetch", but today was at least 50 degrees, and we had to FORCE them outside. The TV thing has been bothering both of us. We've been at a loss - there's just so much to do! They don't watch much at one sitting, but if we had the stomach to add up the various PBS shows, it might add up to 2.5 hours on some days. We've both been looking for work as well, making it even harder to spend time with them and keep the TV off. Just getting the schooling done and meals fixed is a big challenge.
Anyway, I feel better now, having gotten all this out. I probably should have read the Bible first, though. Thanks for listening.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thank You
Thank you so much for the support you expressed. I really appreciate it! I know we need help around here, but everyone I know is either already busy with young children, or they work full time, or they're taking care of an elderly relative.
Things settled down just a bit. Don took Friday off so I could spend more time giving Anna Grace the acute care she needs. Last Wed. and Thurs. she was falling asleep in my arms, only to wake up as soon as I would put her down; she wasn't getting enough sleep. We both thought it would be beneficial for me to hold her for a couple days nonstop, ensuring that she got at least three good naps in each day and her stress level stayed low. She seems better. She didn't need any albuterol today at all.
Daniel just finished day 4 on his 5 mg Adderall medication. He seems about 30% calmer. He still displays a temper when told "no", but he recovers quicker and apologizes faster. The hyperactivity hasn't changed, and the lack of focus is only slightly better. We're hoping if we keep telling him that the medication is helping, a placebo effect will occur (he'll try harder to control himself), and we won't have to increase the dose to see better results. When he wrote the prescription, the doctor indicated this dose probably wouldn't be strong enough, but it's the standard starting point. Fortunately, there has been no change in Daniel's eating or sleeping habits. That is always a concern; ADHD meds can suppress appetite and inhibit sleep.
Daniel seems more loving. Last night I went in his room quite late at night to cover him and turn on his humidifier. He stirred and told me he loved me. He also said it a few times during the day. His love language is affirming words, so it isn't unusual for him to say he loves me. The frequency has just increased, to my delight.
Emily Rose got her stitches out today. They said we took good care of her wound and that the results should be good. I'm still on pins and needles about accidents with her, and now with the other three as well. Normal reaction on my part, I'm sure.
In an effort to keep Rosey a little less active, I dug out our old Dora videos. What a hit! Suddenly, she is noticing that Dora is on her sneakers and her sippy cups and on a few of our toys. Cute. She stands by the TV (too close) and answers all of Dora's questions. If Dora says "march in place, march in place", then Rosey dutifully marches in place. When Dora says "wiggle your hips, wiggle your hips", Rosey is delighted to oblige. It is too funny. I love to watch her respond and squeal in delight at Dora's antics.
While Emily's expressive language is still limited, I'm encouraged by her progress with words and with consonant sounds, and I'm more sure than ever that her receptive language is well above standard. A speech teacher is coming in a couple weeks to evaluate her.
Our children are all active. We don't buy or rent any full-length movies. They're a waste; our kids won't stay engaged for that long. A half-hour video or PBS show is about all they can manage. That doesn't make it easy on us - especially in winter. As soon as Anna Grace is better, I'll make a list of all the kids' activities we have and post it in the playroom. When they start getting too hyper, I can direct them to the list. It's too easy for them to forget what is available, and I get irritated at having to name the possibilities.
I'm praying about ways to keep the household calmer, despite the hyperactivity that seems to be inherent. Maybe our kids are normal. Hard to tell. It isn't just in wintertime that they're too active indoors. It's year round, but with a definite worsening in the winter. I wish I could be a fly on the walls of other busy households. Do you find yourself seeming to have to peel your kids off the walls around dinner-prep time, or is that just my problem? Do your boys want to wrestle whenever they're not engaged in an activity? If you turn on music, do your kids go berserk, jumping and racing around and singing at the top of their lungs? Don't get me wrong - I love it when kids are delighted. I love happy kids. I love my kids. I love all kids. Period. It's just that I could do with a few couch potatoes right about now.
Things settled down just a bit. Don took Friday off so I could spend more time giving Anna Grace the acute care she needs. Last Wed. and Thurs. she was falling asleep in my arms, only to wake up as soon as I would put her down; she wasn't getting enough sleep. We both thought it would be beneficial for me to hold her for a couple days nonstop, ensuring that she got at least three good naps in each day and her stress level stayed low. She seems better. She didn't need any albuterol today at all.
Daniel just finished day 4 on his 5 mg Adderall medication. He seems about 30% calmer. He still displays a temper when told "no", but he recovers quicker and apologizes faster. The hyperactivity hasn't changed, and the lack of focus is only slightly better. We're hoping if we keep telling him that the medication is helping, a placebo effect will occur (he'll try harder to control himself), and we won't have to increase the dose to see better results. When he wrote the prescription, the doctor indicated this dose probably wouldn't be strong enough, but it's the standard starting point. Fortunately, there has been no change in Daniel's eating or sleeping habits. That is always a concern; ADHD meds can suppress appetite and inhibit sleep.
Daniel seems more loving. Last night I went in his room quite late at night to cover him and turn on his humidifier. He stirred and told me he loved me. He also said it a few times during the day. His love language is affirming words, so it isn't unusual for him to say he loves me. The frequency has just increased, to my delight.
Emily Rose got her stitches out today. They said we took good care of her wound and that the results should be good. I'm still on pins and needles about accidents with her, and now with the other three as well. Normal reaction on my part, I'm sure.
In an effort to keep Rosey a little less active, I dug out our old Dora videos. What a hit! Suddenly, she is noticing that Dora is on her sneakers and her sippy cups and on a few of our toys. Cute. She stands by the TV (too close) and answers all of Dora's questions. If Dora says "march in place, march in place", then Rosey dutifully marches in place. When Dora says "wiggle your hips, wiggle your hips", Rosey is delighted to oblige. It is too funny. I love to watch her respond and squeal in delight at Dora's antics.
While Emily's expressive language is still limited, I'm encouraged by her progress with words and with consonant sounds, and I'm more sure than ever that her receptive language is well above standard. A speech teacher is coming in a couple weeks to evaluate her.
Our children are all active. We don't buy or rent any full-length movies. They're a waste; our kids won't stay engaged for that long. A half-hour video or PBS show is about all they can manage. That doesn't make it easy on us - especially in winter. As soon as Anna Grace is better, I'll make a list of all the kids' activities we have and post it in the playroom. When they start getting too hyper, I can direct them to the list. It's too easy for them to forget what is available, and I get irritated at having to name the possibilities.
I'm praying about ways to keep the household calmer, despite the hyperactivity that seems to be inherent. Maybe our kids are normal. Hard to tell. It isn't just in wintertime that they're too active indoors. It's year round, but with a definite worsening in the winter. I wish I could be a fly on the walls of other busy households. Do you find yourself seeming to have to peel your kids off the walls around dinner-prep time, or is that just my problem? Do your boys want to wrestle whenever they're not engaged in an activity? If you turn on music, do your kids go berserk, jumping and racing around and singing at the top of their lungs? Don't get me wrong - I love it when kids are delighted. I love happy kids. I love my kids. I love all kids. Period. It's just that I could do with a few couch potatoes right about now.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Confirmation
This is my second post of the day. A difficult post.
Recently I've been praying about whether we should put Daniel on the ADHD medication. I hadn't felt any confirmation, so last week when his ADHD appointment came up, he happened to be sick and very tired, so I called and rescheduled it for the next week, hoping for a response from the Lord in regards to my prayers. Tomorrow is the rescheduled appointment. Right up until this evening, I still hadn't felt any confirmation that we were taking the right step; I was feeling increasingly nervous about the medication.
Tonight around 6:30 pm, Daniel and Rosey were in the playroom together, and he was carrying her and apparently dropped her. She fell into either a Lego piece, or the fireplace; neither of the kids can tell me exactly where she fell. Well, I went running in there when I heard her crying, and was just sickened and shaken by what I saw. I just couldn't believe that for a second time in a month, she was bleeding profusely from her forehead. How does such a thing happen twice???? I had to call Don to come home from work so we could go to Urgent Care and get her some stitches. We all went together this time, with the exception of Timothy, who got dropped off at Grandpa's.
I was in the room with her, and can honestly say it was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced, with the exception of Daniel and Timothy's circumcisions. To see my baby girl in so much discomfort, and so scared, was horrible. Instead of having my knees give out, I somehow came up with the strength to talk and sing to her throughout. They said she was numb enough not to feel it, but I'm not so sure about that. She appeared to be in great pain to me, but they seemed to think her screaming and crying was mostly due to being strapped down, and to fear. I shall never forget it, but I know she will, quite easily. She already seemed to have gotten over the ordeal by the time we got home at 11:00 pm. She had a piece of the chocolate cake Grandpa gave us, and just seemed as happy as a lovely Lark.
The two gentlemen who took care of her were the most wonderful people. They understood fully the ordeal this was to both her, and to me. So gentle, gracious, kind and helpful they were. Thank you, Lord!
Now, I can truly tell you that we are doing the right thing in having Daniel's ADHD medicated. I was fearful that we were doing it out of a desire to have an easier life. But I feel confirmation now, that for his sake, and for the siblings' sake, we need to keep his impulsiveness in check. Impulsiveness is dangerous. The other symptoms are annoying and potentially harmful, but the impulsiveness is downright dangerous. He acts quickly all the time, without thinking. Some of that is a normal part of childhood, but in his case it goes beyond the normal.
Anyway, when one is genuinely praying for guidance, or for confirmation, the Lord is faithful to provide it - even if it's last minute. I feel such a peace, compared to even hours ago, as I look toward tomorrow's appointment.
Of course I am very unhappy with how the confirmation came about, but the doctor told me there was unlikely to be perceptible scarring for Emily after one year, and if there was, we could seek scar-repair help from the plastic surgery department of their hospital. This Urgent Care is brand new, and is affiliated with Akron Children's Hospital, which has a good reputation. She got three stitches on the inside of the wound, and six on the outside. It was deep.
Needless to say, I'm going to order a pad to go around the fireplace hearth ASAP, so that it's no longer a danger to the kids. We've kept it covered with a thick quilt, but that is apparently not enough. I urge you to cover yours, if you haven't already done so. No use having to go through an ordeal like this.
Recently I've been praying about whether we should put Daniel on the ADHD medication. I hadn't felt any confirmation, so last week when his ADHD appointment came up, he happened to be sick and very tired, so I called and rescheduled it for the next week, hoping for a response from the Lord in regards to my prayers. Tomorrow is the rescheduled appointment. Right up until this evening, I still hadn't felt any confirmation that we were taking the right step; I was feeling increasingly nervous about the medication.
Tonight around 6:30 pm, Daniel and Rosey were in the playroom together, and he was carrying her and apparently dropped her. She fell into either a Lego piece, or the fireplace; neither of the kids can tell me exactly where she fell. Well, I went running in there when I heard her crying, and was just sickened and shaken by what I saw. I just couldn't believe that for a second time in a month, she was bleeding profusely from her forehead. How does such a thing happen twice???? I had to call Don to come home from work so we could go to Urgent Care and get her some stitches. We all went together this time, with the exception of Timothy, who got dropped off at Grandpa's.
I was in the room with her, and can honestly say it was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced, with the exception of Daniel and Timothy's circumcisions. To see my baby girl in so much discomfort, and so scared, was horrible. Instead of having my knees give out, I somehow came up with the strength to talk and sing to her throughout. They said she was numb enough not to feel it, but I'm not so sure about that. She appeared to be in great pain to me, but they seemed to think her screaming and crying was mostly due to being strapped down, and to fear. I shall never forget it, but I know she will, quite easily. She already seemed to have gotten over the ordeal by the time we got home at 11:00 pm. She had a piece of the chocolate cake Grandpa gave us, and just seemed as happy as a lovely Lark.
The two gentlemen who took care of her were the most wonderful people. They understood fully the ordeal this was to both her, and to me. So gentle, gracious, kind and helpful they were. Thank you, Lord!
Now, I can truly tell you that we are doing the right thing in having Daniel's ADHD medicated. I was fearful that we were doing it out of a desire to have an easier life. But I feel confirmation now, that for his sake, and for the siblings' sake, we need to keep his impulsiveness in check. Impulsiveness is dangerous. The other symptoms are annoying and potentially harmful, but the impulsiveness is downright dangerous. He acts quickly all the time, without thinking. Some of that is a normal part of childhood, but in his case it goes beyond the normal.
Anyway, when one is genuinely praying for guidance, or for confirmation, the Lord is faithful to provide it - even if it's last minute. I feel such a peace, compared to even hours ago, as I look toward tomorrow's appointment.
Of course I am very unhappy with how the confirmation came about, but the doctor told me there was unlikely to be perceptible scarring for Emily after one year, and if there was, we could seek scar-repair help from the plastic surgery department of their hospital. This Urgent Care is brand new, and is affiliated with Akron Children's Hospital, which has a good reputation. She got three stitches on the inside of the wound, and six on the outside. It was deep.
Needless to say, I'm going to order a pad to go around the fireplace hearth ASAP, so that it's no longer a danger to the kids. We've kept it covered with a thick quilt, but that is apparently not enough. I urge you to cover yours, if you haven't already done so. No use having to go through an ordeal like this.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Humbling Night
Tonight I was too harsh with Daniel. What remorse! He had a couple minor fits before bedtime, in response to hearing no to one of his requests, and I yelled and spanked (neither of which work with him), and then took away his Homeschooling-Group Valentine Party, which was to occur this Friday. His non-cooperative offenses were just the last straw in a stress-filled day. Rather than ignore his fits, I overreacted, sinning right along with him. I know there aren't any perfect parents, but I feel like such a failure when I yell, in particularly. It solves nothing, proves nothing, and it isn't even a true consequence. Not to mention that most of us look and sound pretty ugly when we're doing it. Perhaps doing it in front of a mirror would work to curb the habit.
Thirty minutes after I finished the bedtime routine, I went back into the boys' room and said that I shouldn't have taken away the party, since we made a commitment to be there and the hostess had already purchased art supplies for their craft, and some of the children might have already made out their Valentines. I explained that I felt taking away a much-anticipated party was too much in response to a couple minor outbursts.
Unfortunately, it took me thirty minutes to right this wrong, even though I knew I was going too far as soon as I brought up the party. Admitting I was wrong was hard and humbling. As I sat and rocked Anna right after leaving their room initially, I realized that I was expecting Daniel to somehow understand how frustrating dealing with a colicky baby can be. The kids have mostly been great, given that Anna takes up most of my time. But as the fussiness continues, they are bound to rebel some. I need to be ready with a measure of grace.
Throughout the day I also felt frustrated that Emily was continually having to be gated in the playroom while I nursed or tried calming Anna Grace, who needed to be rocked for a good portion of the day. I tried the sling several times, and while it does eventually calm Anna, I have to take her out of it frequently, to either put Emily on the potty or change her training pants, etc. Slings are wonderful; I'm fortunate that it calms her. This time around though I'm finding it more awkward to use, as I try to speed through routine chores and care for a toddler.
From the time my morning sickness started last spring, this has been a rather rough ride for the family. A whole year has gone by, with a less-than-ideal child-rearing environment. There HAS been plenty of love to go around, plenty of ideal moments, mixed in with the stressful. I suppose the human-like difficulties inherent in having a larger family do provide the children a training camp for life. They have to learn to compromise, to work hard and efficiently, to put others before themselves, to stand up for what is important, and to extend mercy and grace. I have to remember that what seems ideal to me, may not be so to the Lord. My perspective is always going to be earthly and flawed. And His? Perfect and eternal.
The look on Daniel's face when I went back to their room to explain my error was one of pure relief and gratitude. He teared up and told me that he felt so much better. Then he said, "I love you, Mommy. I'll sleep so good now."
I told him I loved him too and walked back to the living room, to the rocker, to continue rocking Anna. And the peace that washed over me assured me that I'd done the right thing.
Thirty minutes after I finished the bedtime routine, I went back into the boys' room and said that I shouldn't have taken away the party, since we made a commitment to be there and the hostess had already purchased art supplies for their craft, and some of the children might have already made out their Valentines. I explained that I felt taking away a much-anticipated party was too much in response to a couple minor outbursts.
Unfortunately, it took me thirty minutes to right this wrong, even though I knew I was going too far as soon as I brought up the party. Admitting I was wrong was hard and humbling. As I sat and rocked Anna right after leaving their room initially, I realized that I was expecting Daniel to somehow understand how frustrating dealing with a colicky baby can be. The kids have mostly been great, given that Anna takes up most of my time. But as the fussiness continues, they are bound to rebel some. I need to be ready with a measure of grace.
Throughout the day I also felt frustrated that Emily was continually having to be gated in the playroom while I nursed or tried calming Anna Grace, who needed to be rocked for a good portion of the day. I tried the sling several times, and while it does eventually calm Anna, I have to take her out of it frequently, to either put Emily on the potty or change her training pants, etc. Slings are wonderful; I'm fortunate that it calms her. This time around though I'm finding it more awkward to use, as I try to speed through routine chores and care for a toddler.
From the time my morning sickness started last spring, this has been a rather rough ride for the family. A whole year has gone by, with a less-than-ideal child-rearing environment. There HAS been plenty of love to go around, plenty of ideal moments, mixed in with the stressful. I suppose the human-like difficulties inherent in having a larger family do provide the children a training camp for life. They have to learn to compromise, to work hard and efficiently, to put others before themselves, to stand up for what is important, and to extend mercy and grace. I have to remember that what seems ideal to me, may not be so to the Lord. My perspective is always going to be earthly and flawed. And His? Perfect and eternal.
The look on Daniel's face when I went back to their room to explain my error was one of pure relief and gratitude. He teared up and told me that he felt so much better. Then he said, "I love you, Mommy. I'll sleep so good now."
I told him I loved him too and walked back to the living room, to the rocker, to continue rocking Anna. And the peace that washed over me assured me that I'd done the right thing.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Emily Rose
Since I last wrote about Emily Rose, there has been a positive change in her behavior. She's been all sugar and spice and everything nice for several weeks. I want to squeeze the stuffing out of her most of the time; she's in an adorable stage.
Now that Anna Grace is with us, my heart really aches for Emily. Not because she is jealous, but because she now gets so little time with us. She is loving and sweet to her sister. We just couldn't have asked for a better response from her, especially since Mommy and Daddy are always occupied or in a hurry. Somehow, she seems to understand the situation. What a dear girl! Sure, she still gets into things and dumps things and climbs incessantly, but those aren't defiant behaviors so much as natural curiosity at work. Yesterday, while in the playroom, she climbed on a toy grocery cart to reach the dishwashing liquid through the peek window between the playroom and kitchen. Having successfully reached it, she began pouring some onto the carpet. Luckily, Daniel, amused, saw what was happening and told me right away that we had an "emergency". LOL Never a dull moment with two year olds around, that's for sure. I guess we would have been alarmed if she hadn't entered this stage.
I have kept her nap and bedtime story times sacred; I feel like that's the only quality time she gets right now. A lot of teaching occurs through storytime, and a lot of love is translated as well. Sometimes Anna Grace is in my sling or in my arms, wailing during the stories. I do my best during those times; Emily is concerned about the crying and wants to help comfort her sister. She doesn't appear to mind the interruption of her stories.
The children born later in larger families, studies show, do less well academically than their older siblings, although I don't recall how this is measured. It's definitely worth looking into. I doubt if it translates into less success later in life. Rather, I think it points to a temporary disadvantage that works itself out as older siblings reach ages allowing them to really help in the early education of their toddler and preschooler siblings. Right now Daniel and Timmy aren't mature enough to tutor her with much effectiveness. It is coming along nicely though, between Emily and Daniel. He has always been very interested in her and does teach her a little through their play.
I think one of the ways we can parent a larger family effectively is to learn to look at every spare minute as one-on-one time with one of the children. Even five minutes of tickling or reading make a difference in a child's perception of their worth.
Although less fussy than any of our other children, Anna Grace does have her colicky-like periods, which happen to coincide with our already-harried bedtime routine. Don is back to second shift, leaving me to parent solo from 2 pm until bedtime. It could be worse. I haven't broken down in tears over it yet, and we just finished day two.
Now that Anna Grace is with us, my heart really aches for Emily. Not because she is jealous, but because she now gets so little time with us. She is loving and sweet to her sister. We just couldn't have asked for a better response from her, especially since Mommy and Daddy are always occupied or in a hurry. Somehow, she seems to understand the situation. What a dear girl! Sure, she still gets into things and dumps things and climbs incessantly, but those aren't defiant behaviors so much as natural curiosity at work. Yesterday, while in the playroom, she climbed on a toy grocery cart to reach the dishwashing liquid through the peek window between the playroom and kitchen. Having successfully reached it, she began pouring some onto the carpet. Luckily, Daniel, amused, saw what was happening and told me right away that we had an "emergency". LOL Never a dull moment with two year olds around, that's for sure. I guess we would have been alarmed if she hadn't entered this stage.
I have kept her nap and bedtime story times sacred; I feel like that's the only quality time she gets right now. A lot of teaching occurs through storytime, and a lot of love is translated as well. Sometimes Anna Grace is in my sling or in my arms, wailing during the stories. I do my best during those times; Emily is concerned about the crying and wants to help comfort her sister. She doesn't appear to mind the interruption of her stories.
The children born later in larger families, studies show, do less well academically than their older siblings, although I don't recall how this is measured. It's definitely worth looking into. I doubt if it translates into less success later in life. Rather, I think it points to a temporary disadvantage that works itself out as older siblings reach ages allowing them to really help in the early education of their toddler and preschooler siblings. Right now Daniel and Timmy aren't mature enough to tutor her with much effectiveness. It is coming along nicely though, between Emily and Daniel. He has always been very interested in her and does teach her a little through their play.
I think one of the ways we can parent a larger family effectively is to learn to look at every spare minute as one-on-one time with one of the children. Even five minutes of tickling or reading make a difference in a child's perception of their worth.
Although less fussy than any of our other children, Anna Grace does have her colicky-like periods, which happen to coincide with our already-harried bedtime routine. Don is back to second shift, leaving me to parent solo from 2 pm until bedtime. It could be worse. I haven't broken down in tears over it yet, and we just finished day two.
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