I dished out some harsh stuff to the Lord in this morning's post. And he dished out good stuff right back at me. God can take our anger, our pain, our blame, and love us all the while. When we're done, he gives us wisdom. We lack so many things in our humanity, and wisdom is a huge one. Not all our conversations with him have to be civil, I'm finding. He wants communion with us, despite our mood.
Love is a verb, God tells me. It was always meant to be so. Children will have unlovable ways, but we are still called to EXERCISE love. We must dig down as deep as it takes, even in the most frustrating of circumstances. Do love. We must do love.
God reminded me today, while I tried, to no avail, to nap with the baby, that Daniel truly doesn't want to be so hateful, so defiant, so oppositional. He feels quite often, the way I feel only when I'm sleep deprived - like I could cry easily, short-tempered, very easily frustrated. When the remorse over his outbursts sets in, he gets even more frustrated, because he has no idea how to change.
He struggles mightily to calm down, after the most minor disappointments. God showed me that instead of being reactionary, I should work with Daniel to help him calm down - such as rocking with him in the rocking chair, singing to him while I stroke his hair or his cheek. These don't sound like things we would normally do with seven year olds, but I have to remember that his neurological handicap doesn't allow him to self-soothe the way a 7 year old should. Some will say it's babying him and not solving anything. But trying to discipline him out of a fit only escalates and prolongs the agony for the whole family.
If I show him how to soothe, he can hopefully learn to utilize calming techniques in my absence. The key is for us to not take the outbursts personally, so that we remain outside observers, rather than participants.
God reminded me of a lot today. Good stuff. Now maybe tonight he'll allow me to sleep.
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