Emily's mountain

Emily Rose has been busy of late. She is climbing a steep, rugged mountain, of sorts. You see, since the age of 6 months old, she has fallen asleep with the help of her security blanket, AND her binky. Confined to her crib only, the pacifier was never a cause for worry. Middle-of-the-night wakings never resulted in us having to get up and find the binky, which would inevitably end up on the floor. I surmised that she used it on average a total of thirty minutes per day, between her nap and bedtime.

Lately, I noticed she was asking for it when she got hurt, and when we had to speak to her with a firm tone. Experts recommend that pacifiers only be used for sleeping, and that they be given up by three-years-old. I decided she needed to give it up now; for the first time the addiction was getting out of control.

A few hours before a recent nap, I mentioned that her binky was lost. Further, I informed her that because binkies were actually for babies, it was time for her to say goodbye to her binky. She was, after all, a big girl now. My sweet Emily Rose always agrees that, yes, she is a big girl. I ended with, "So is that okay with you, Rose? Can you say goodbye to your binky now?"

"No, Mommy. I need my binky." She then went on with her play. I reminded her again, about thirty-minutes later, that she was going to take her nap without her binky. She didn't respond, but just kept on playing.

Fast forward to naptime. I went through the naptime routine, then stuck around to aid in the transition a bit. She tossed and turned, crying over and over, "My binky, my binky!" Eventually, she even tossed a soft doll at me, in frustration.

But the whole affair lasted only forty minutes. We prayed together for help from Jesus, many times. I stayed for the first twenty, and she toughed out another twenty minutes, before falling asleep on her own. Everyone in the family did happy dances for her, after this hard-fought nap. Except Daddy. He is too cool for happy dances, you know.

I was thrilled, I tell you. My fear was that giving up the binky would mean no more naps. But God knows my needs right now.

Four consecutive times she has successfully fallen asleep without her binky. After two times, we made her a goodbye-binky cake. After the fourth time, we celebrated with ice cream cones. And each time, there were more happy dances, in which the boys and Anna were eager to participate. During these happy dances, Emily would jump up, with her hands in the air, and proclaim, "Imma BIG girl now!" This is a familiar little dance. My sweet girl does it after every successful potty trip, and after she dresses herself or puts on her shoes. It will surely be one of my most powerful memories, as I look back on my early years with this blessing of a daughter. I still have to pinch myself over the fact that I actually HAVE daughters.

I am very proud of my sweet Emily Rose. That steep, jagged mountain has been met with strength and grace. The difficulty of her task was never lost on me.

Bittersweet it is, for Momma. Her security blanket--Emily's, not mine :)--no longer holds the same place in her heart, in the absence of her binky. They worked together these many months to comfort her little soul; rubbing on the satin tag of her blanket somehow isn't the same now. And when I check on her, I no longer see that precious blanket tucked near her face. Oh, how that hurts!

Daniel's special bunny was not given up until last year, at age six. And here my Emily Rose is going to give up her blanket, I fear, at age 2.5. Timothy's security was always just the breast, which he enjoyed as a sleep aid before bed and nap, for 2.5 years. He used it as a sleep aid in the middle of the night for a full two years. I don't know quite how I survived that, but it is a very distant memory now. The cruelty my Momma heart must endure! I don't care for distant memories, thank you very much. As much as a clean, orderly house and garden are alluring, my impending empty nest is not.

My rugged mountain is taking steps like these, to let my children go--coaxing them toward adulthood. I think Momma is having the harder time. She's asking for strength and grace too.

friendly advice

Once again I find myself getting valuable information from the Internet, rather than from my pediatrician, who is nevertheless nice and almost always nonjudgmental and unassuming. I've had condescending doctors and they definitely aren't for me. When I'm done nursing most of my disagreements with this doctor will have passed away. In the meantime, I'll research new doctors.

Yeast is the research subject for today. A call into the doctor's office yesterday revealed that the expected cure doesn't come from anti-fungal creams (for diaper rash) until 2-4 weeks. I was told once again to be sure and let baby go without a diaper on, even if it's just in the crib during naps.

I didn't say so, but that appalled me even more this time, because yeast is contagious and can spread. She will reach down there and scratch, followed by putting her hands in her mouth because her gums hurt mightily--leading possibly to thrush. Thrush is a horrible thing to get rid of in the nursing couple. It can invade Momma's milk ducts and lead to excruciating, deep shooting pain between nursings. Baby feels pain as well when she nurses. Many nursing couples have to quit nursing due to the difficulty involved in completely getting rid of the infection. I've only read about this but have never experienced it, thank God.

Anna gave me a nipple blister due to her shallow latch caused by teething pain. No tooth yet--anywhere! I'm desperately pursuing her so she'll keep up with milk production. And I'm putting every effort into getting rid of the diaper rash and keeping her hands away from the area. Having open-skin cuts or blisters make it far more likely that yeast will invade, so I'm being diligent about keeping any yeast away from my nipples (as well as from her mouth). Oh, how I don't want a run in with thrush!

Here are some great tips I found online, which you or a friend might need someday. It is working wonders with Anna's rash--I think it should be gone in a few more days.

-Rinse baby with equal parts water and vinegar at each diaper change. Yeast don't like the acid in vinegar.

-Apply anti-fungal cream nearly every diaper change, rather than just twice a day as instructed. Yeast grow back in 90 minutes, so twice a day isn't enough.

-Wash all linens in hot water and put vinegar into the wash. Just hot water and soap probably aren't enough to kill the yeast.

-Rinse bathmats with bleach or with vinegar, to prevent spreading.

-Cut down on any sugar in the older baby's diet (yeast like sugar-laden diets).

For more information on all things breastfeeding related, I like this Canadian doctor's advice (Dr. Jack Newman), found here.

The Graduate

My precious Daniel graduated from first grade today! Congratulations, Doodlebug! I'm so proud of you!

The portfolio review went very well. The teacher who served us--a former elementary teacher and homeschool mom--was very gentle and kind. Daniel was very shy and barely said a word, but I think he liked her and I know he was pleased with how it went. We had met her briefly earlier this year at some homeschooling art events she sponsored. Her son is already in college and is a champion ice skater. He earned his Bachelor's Degree last year--at age twenty! Now in graduate school, he is still into competitive skating. I suspect his mom has these side jobs to help pay for the skating, which is a very expensive venture. She earns $30 for every homeschooling review she does, which makes me wish I had an Ohio credential! $30/hour ain't bad!

Anyhow, she thought Daniel accomplished a lot. And she said we had more social studies and science samples than she ever sees! Yeah for Daddy! Those are his subjects!

It surprised her that my husband was involved. She thinks it's typical for husbands to be against the home-teaching process, to varying degrees. A mom she met with last week was in tears during her meeting; her husband wants the kids in school next year, and every year thereafter. As soon as I heard that I felt horrible for the mom, and then I praised the Lord for my husband! Some things in my life are very hard, but my husband is really a bright spot--as is each child of course. There are plenty of things Don does that drive me nuts--the least of which are socks taken off and thrown wherever, and trashing the kitchen and floor when he cooks--but I am fortunate that we have the same vision for the children. That is priceless! I know that a Dad's leadership in Bible study, prayer, AND learning go even further than a Mom's does. Statistics prove it, although I'm too tired to find the articles again and link them. Sorry. Momma's one tired girl!

After two months of teething behavior, I think my Anna is finally going to be sporting a tooth soon. Lately she sticks her finger in her mouth during nursing--ouch for Momma! It breaks the suction enough to provide her some pain relief, while still allowing some milk to get through. Another clue is that she is waking about every 60-90 minutes at night. Talk about undereye circles! I've been burning the oil trying to get the portfolio in tip top shape this week, and her wake ups on top of that have given life that boot-camp feel.

Parenting--the only boot camp you'll ever love!

Now you'll have to excuse me. If I don't stop and get ready for bed right now, I'll fall asleep right here and slump into the keyboard--which would surely wake my big girl, who turned eight months last Sunday! Seems like just yesterday I was drowning you in my newborn-nursing sob stories. Eight months old just doesn't seem possible!

Thank you, Liz, for the diaper-rash cream tip!

More research

I found a very helpful pro-breastfeeding article on the breastfed baby and iron. My belief in the properties of breastmilk is so strong that I just wasn't satisfied with the previous information. This article indicates that the method I'm using to combat Anna's anemia could actually be making things worse. It is better to use high-iron foods to increase her hemoglobin, rather than iron-enriched foods (such as cereal). Additionally, liquid-iron supplementation is particularly problematic because more of it is available to the new bacteria present in the baby's gut (solid food changes baby's intestines--giving them a bacterial presence that breastmilk alone prohibits.) The bacteria utilize the freely-available iron, making less available for absorption into baby's body. Since the bacteria also diminishes the absorption properties of breastmilk, baby might actually be getting less iron than before.

The article includes a link about a mother whose baby tested at 9.1 when she was 7 months, 1 week old. Anna tested at 8.9 at 7 months, 12 days old. The baby in the article was given a small portion of high-iron foods and plenty of breastmilk--but no supplementation--and the hemoglobin went to a normal level in five weeks.

Here is the main article.

Like the author of the article, I do believe that breastmilk is a perfect food for a baby's entire first year, and possibly beyond. Anna was at high risk because of her birth weight being below 6.5 pounds, and because her growth rate has been rapid. Both of these factors caused a depletion of iron stores (present at birth) at a faster rate than they would deplete in the average baby. Anna was 5 pounds, 9 ounces at birth, and now at 8 months, she is 16 pounds, 10 ounces. She was 15 pounds at 6 months.

Timothy, born at the same birth weight, also grew rapidly, but he apparently did fine and has no developmental issues--leading me to believe his iron level probably wasn't an issue. He ate some solids starting at 9 months, but it wasn't until 18 months that his interest picked up and he began to eat three very small solid meals.

If your baby had a normal birth weight and the growth rate has been normal (doubled birth weight around 5-6 months, and tripled it around 1 year) then your baby's iron level is probably fine and you needn't rush the solids. When you do start solids, try using naturally iron-rich foods over iron-ENRICHED.

I've found that conventional advice for solids is mainly for the formula-fed baby. Some doctors aren't interested in digging deeper into the innate properties of breastmilk. Nevertheless, it is probably beneficial to have an iron test around nine months, just in case. The skin prick was barely noticed by Anna. And keep in mind that the iron level in a breastfed baby is particularly vulnerable when solids first start, if the solids chosen are iron-enriched, and especially if they are not served with vitamin C.

That awful smell

This morning Anna Grace gave me a strange look during one of her numerous diaper changes. This one was a stinky. I guess we're still not used to that around here. Her face said it all: "What on earth is that awful smell, Momma?! It couldn't have come out of me, surely? Get it away!"

My sentiment exactly. I'm mourning the loss of neutral-smelling breastmilk poops.

And that yeast rash, after nearly 36 hours of treatment, is still not going away--or even looking like it will soon. It IS less raised, but still as red, and the spots seem to be running more together. Is this normal? The Internet says it should clear in about 3 days. Is that only for the Mommas smart enough to recognize it for what it is--and get into the doctor quick like? Did I just let it go too long and create a monster of a rash? We're using a size 4 diaper for now, which is plenty loose. And she is crawling around in just a shirt and diaper--allowing for plenty of air. I'm drying her skin well after rinsing her. Anyone have experience with this?

Thank you for the great tip left on the previous post, Terri! I'm excited about trying that method.

a life motto

I don't have the spare minutes, or even the right words, to describe how hard things are right now. I'm wrestling with God in a big, stubborn way. Why? Why? Why? This is SO hard God! It has gone on SO many months! Can we just go one whole year without a crisis? How 'bout half a year then? I. need. rest.

Then I read this post and I was humbly reminded that life is hard for everyone. And besides that, no one has been diagnosed with cancer around here. My husband and I keep telling one another that.

However, the newest worry is that Anna Grace is mildly to moderately anemic (but no symptoms), which is unusual for a 7-month-old exclusively-breastfed baby. Believe me, I've researched this the past two days. She has started on rice cereal and Poly Vi Sol w/iron vitamin drops.

The hemoglobin test done (at the WIC office) was a toe prick, which isn't as accurate as a CBC blood test (from the vein). If the person administering the test squeezes the toe, more plasma comes through, which would give a lower, potentially-inaccurate hemoglobin number. My doctor doesn't see a need to do anything further until Anna gets a vein blood test at 12 months.

I, on the other hand, want to do at least another toe prick test in one month to see if the number has risen. If it hasn't, something could be going on--like leukemia (worst-case scenario), or intestinal bleeding from allergy (unlikely for breastfed infant). Why wait until December for further answers? I'm thinking of changing doctors over this. My pediatrician is young, with fewer experiences under his belt. Yes, I'm an excessive worrier--especially when it comes to my children's health.

BTW, my iron level is fine, but even if it wasn't, Anna would still get easily-absorbed iron from my breastmilk. Dietary supplementation is often necessary after seven months, but for anemia to have already started is very unusual. Her birth weight--two ounces above the official low-birth-weight cut off--is one explanation, but usually only premature or VERY small babies deplete iron stores before six months.

Her levels are not bad enough to cause brain damage or anything, thank God. She tested at 8.9 (under 10.5 is considered anemic). I read on several sites that 12 is average, 11 is the minimum desired, and below 10.5 is anemia.

Today my doctor said 10 is considered normal. That conflict in information bothers me. Nothing in my three hours of research--including standard tables of levels--supported a level of 10 as being normal.

Anyhow, back to my first paragraph about things being hard; the only life motto that makes any sense at all is this:

Sit down! Shut up! Look up! Enjoy the ride!

On a lighter note, we picked blueberries today, and I'm checking u-pick farms for red raspberry picking dates. Infuse life with the simple things--that's how to enjoy the ride.

Berries always make me smile.

My Dear Emily Rose,

Today you did the sweetest thing. If there were a meter measuring my love for you moment by moment, it would have shot through the roof at this. You were on the floor with the baby and Mommy, playing. Anna Grace started fussing, so you went over to her, tried to get her on your lap, and proceeded to lift up your dress and "nurse her". You smiled up at me, as though to say, "It's okay, Mommy. I'm taking care of her."

Then, a little later, when Mommy was on the couch nursing Anna, Anna kept getting on and off the breast repeatedly. She was interested in the swaying trees outside the window; it was a windy day. You wanted to help Mommy so you kept turning Anna's head back to the breast. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to mind the interference.

Two-year-olds don't come more active than you, My Love! And they also don't come any sweeter.

All My Love,
Mommy

Record your answers!

Something rather miraculous happened last night! And the whole thing made me realize that I need to start recording answers to prayer. Seeing the answers down on paper to reflect on would be so encouraging! I'm willing to bet that many more prayers than I realize DO get "yes" answers.

I have NOT prayed about Anna Grace sleeping through the night. While most formula babies and babies who have cried it out do sleep through the night by six months, it is unusual for a nursing baby to do so. A low percentage of American babies are still nursing after six months, and consequently, any statistic about sleeping through the night the first year is skewed and not really applicable to nursing families. The possibility that Anna might do this just didn't occur to me.

Now, when Emily Rose began to wander the house in the mornings a few days ago, I did lament and whine to my God.

Pam: "Why, oh why can't SOMETHING be easy!!?? How in the world am I going to keep these children safe?? There are so many variables to safety when you have four young children, God! Anna is now sitting, meaning that she sometimes falls into pieces of furniture, which makes her rather mad, and hurt! More than ever, I have to watch her every move. I can't remove the furniture--that's for sure, God. Between the four of them, I'm going out of my mind regarding safety!"

Only after this stellar whining performance did I humble myself to pray about the issue. Unwise order of priorities, I know.

This morning, I awoke to Anna's cries from her crib at 5:37 a.m. I went to get her (crib is in our room), and was confused about why she was in her crib. Then I looked at the clock, and realized that I had put her in the crib at 8:00 p.m. the night before. And then I forced myself to go to bed at 11:30, knowing that I HAD to start doing something about my lack of sleep. Well, as I picked her up, I realized that she had never woken up and nursed in bed with me--the whole night! She actually slept from 8:00 p.m. to 5:37 a.m., and I never heard a peep--even with Don getting back from work and slipping into bed after 3:00 a.m.! He was real pleased (NOT) when in my excitement, I woke him up and said, "Honey, Anna slept through the night!" He opened his eyes briefly to say that the night wasn't over yet.

Now the part about the prayer. Anna felt well rested and would not go back to sleep, even after she nursed and filled her tummy. At 6:20 I took her out to the living room, which means I was up for the day and fully awake when Emily Rose woke up!! God was answering my prayer about keeping Emily safe in the morning, by having Anna sleep through the night! I slept six hours straight, which hasn't occurred in a very long time. (Three hours straight is a good night.) I feel great today, and it was nice to be so alert and happy while I cared for my children this morning.

She may not sleep through the night again for a long time. But today, God encouraged me. He IS listening! And I SHOULD record his answers to my prayers. Currently I'm reading a book about spiritual reformation and it TOO has encouraged me to record not only prayer requests, but also the ANSWERS. Very elementary concept, leading to very powerful results.

Hey Liz, thank you for your comments. I actually do have a stellar diet (high in fiber, low in fat)and looking like the food pyramid. Any health problems for me stem from lack of sleep. Since I am a night person living in an early-morning culture, I've never gotten adequate sleep. It is a matter of self-discipline, and now I MUST do something about it. I will check out the websites you gave, and get the Primrose Oil. I probably won't use any hormone replacement, as my mom had breast cancer (minor lump in early stage) in her mid-sixties, partly from being given hormones when she started perimenopause at 45 years old.

half-empty or half-full

Are you a glass-half-empty, or a glass-half-full person? And is your husband the same, or different?

Yesterday morning, after a spill on the dining-room floor, I started singing my joy song--only with a desperate, trying-not-to-cry kind of voice. You see, the children's 2% milk had spilled on the dining-room floor at least five times in the last seven days. It is NOT fun to clean up, and sweeping and mopping in there isn't easy; so many things have to be moved out first, and so many little feet banned from the room for the duration of the clean-up. I've tried getting up the spills with just dry towels and then wet towels, but a film is always left on the floor. The wood-floor mop is the only thing that gets up the film.

Anyhow, Daniel said to Daddy in response to my song: "Isn't it nice, Daddy, that Mommy counts everything as all joy? I really like her songs."

Now my husband is a glass-half empty kind of person. I don't mean to put him down in saying that. He is a wonderful man and has more of a servant's heart than I do. It's just that his natural bent is to NOT look on the bright side of things. When I am overtired and not feeling charitable, his half-empty mindset drives me insane. Otherwise, I don't think about it a whole lot.

I could immediately tell that Daniel's comment both irritated him and surprised him. The surprise was from the fact that Daniel didn't seem to mind (or catch onto) my desperate--rather than joyful--tone of singing. The irritation was probably from the fact that he knew Daniel may have been comparing Daddy's grumpiness to Mommy's new-found, but-sometimes-feined, outside joyfulness.

I felt sorry for Don. My joy songs are a source of irritation to him, I fear. He has for years been asking God for a filling of the spirit--for a joy that surpasses all understanding. I think it is much harder for the glass-half-empty personality to hold on to joy. All the adversity we've experienced in our ten-year marriage has wearied him a bit. The children--especially Daniel--take a lot of emotional energy out of him. He loves being around his family and doesn't want to pursue, or be pushed to pursue, an outside outlet. However without such an outlet, raising kids is much harder for a man. There is a balance. Some men are forever playing golf in their leisure time, and that isn't good for the family. I think when he was working full-time, that was enough of a separation for him. He was happier and more relaxed then, whereas right now he is going through a lot. I can't explain it to the kids; they don't know that he lost his main job. We've only told them that he is looking for a better job, and that he will start a computer school soon.

Our pastor recently preached on joy, and Don talked with him afterwards about setting up a meeting to talk about that pursuit in Don's life. I went to the church yesterday to sign the boys up for a Friday day-camp, and I ran into the Pastor. He asked how we were doing, mentioning that we had really been going through things lately. I told him that we were fine, and that the unemployment led to Don receiving a grant for some training in the computer field, which would probably turn out to be a big blessing. I explained that Don had pursued a ministry education in the past, and that it hadn't led where he'd wanted it to, and as a result Don has lived with job dissatisfaction for a very long time. Pastor said he was looking forward to talking to Don. And he added, "It will be fun. I enjoy that." This was completely genuine. Our Pastor is a very joy-filled man. I'm so grateful for him.

And my heart hopes that the meetings between these two will lead to Don understanding--and being able to capture and keep--joy in his heart. I know he is a saved man. This doesn't have to do with that. It's more of a personality bent--a self speak--something that I think one can be trained to possibly change, with God's help.

I don't mind sharing Don's burdens. He has to share mine too, whether he wants to or not. It's an inevitable part of marriage, and something that ultimately draws a couple closer--if they use grace to get past the irritation. My tendency towards nervousness and anxiety gets to him sometimes. I sense he is worried that I won't be able to handle all four kids on my own, while Anna is still taking lousy naps. My answer to that is prayer, prayer and more prayer, and telling him to go in peace and let God work it out with Anna.

I'm trying everything and her naps are still too short. God will HAVE to intervene on her behalf. If it's a case of reflux and lying flat causes her pain, than God will have to address that--although when I place her in a reclined infant seat, her naps are only slightly longer. My doctor only prescribes something for reflux when the baby is spitting up so much that she isn't gaining weight. Anna is gaining well.

If I accept her thirty to fifty-minute naps and then put her down more often, she has a lot of trouble drifting off at all--like she is wired and over-tired. When held, she sleeps four hours over three naps during the day, and this leads to good night sleep. With the shorter naps, she wakes up super early in the morning, and has trouble sleeping the rest of the day.

But I really can't complain too much, because I absolutely adore watching her sleep and feeling her sweet body against me. She will be my last baby, thanks to Don's recent vasectomy. Today she got up on all fours, and I kissed her and hugged her in congratulations. But then I thought--wait a minute--my last baby is about to crawl away from me, probably in less than six weeks! Yikes! Not fair!

I don't know why this is so hard for me. It happens to every woman, after all. There is always a last baby. Anna will hopefully nurse well into her second year or beyond--delaying the pain for Momma a bit. Every stage has its joys, I know. But cuddling and nursing babies is the ultimate for me.

Maybe I'll run a baby daycare when my children leave. One never knows.

More Post-Pregnancy Tips

More Post-Pregnancy Tips:

Liz left a great tip on the last post. She puts whole chickens in the crockpot and they're tender and juicy by the end of the day. Beats using the oven for 80 minutes on a hot day.

I also forgot to list dried apricots. Buy them from the produce section rather than the raisin section. The price is better; you get more.

Nursing takes more out of your body than pregnancy does. You need to choose your foods wisely to keep up. I take the prenatal vitamins, but you never know how they are absorbing. Go for color when choosing fruits and veggies. Don't forget the whole grains!

If you can't nurse or don't want to, let it go. Don't dwell on it. Doesn't do you any good to dwell on it. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You know what is best for your situation. If you do want to nurse, have lactation numbers handy. Even contact someone beforehand and at least talk on the phone before labor.

Nursing rarely goes completely smoothly in the three days to a week after the milk comes in. Expect some difficulty at that time. It rarely is difficult after three weeks, or six weeks in some cases. Think of the six weeks it takes to perfect it as being far less than the life of your nursing relationship.

I find that nursing does take off pounds and cellulite. This is even more true for the middle-of-the-night nursing sessions (just my opinion, works to delay periods also, but don't count on that). Nursing burns about 500 calories a day.

I find my weight will stay the same for a few weeks if I don't eat enough. Not getting enough calories lowers our metabolism, making it harder to shed pounds. Losing muscle also lowers our metabolism, so take stroller walks as soon as Doc approves. Walk at a pace that makes it a little more difficult to talk, but not too difficult. Walking helps with blood circulation in your legs as well, helping problematic veins heal faster. Also works to help prevent blood clots.

If you are losing about a pound a week, that is a good, safe pace; you know you're eating the right amount. Water weight will stay on you if you don't drink enough. You need to drink a lot to replace lost fluid from nursing. Drink a water bottle at every nursing session (or drink to thirst). Don't watch the scale until after the first six weeks. Water weight will skew the numbers.

A good article found below on nutrition.

Wonder Foods: New Ideas From Some Experts

--by Susan O. Henry

"The Latest Wonder Foods." "12 Wonder Foods." "14 Wonder Foods."

These are just some of the titles you may have seen lately in any magazine, newspaper or book store. The articles name specific foods which fit the superlative the title indicates. The list may very well have been accurate when the items were listed. But new research comes in weekly; facts change.

To get an update on the very latest nutritional adjudications, we asked six experts, all of them working researchers in food sciences and members of the Institute of Food Technologists Science Communications. Their answers were surprising -- but unanimous. When so many experts drawing from so many individual studies are so concerted in their conclusions, we have to pay attention.

There are no "wonder foods."

At least no standout wonderfoods. "No food should be identified as a 'miracle' food. That undermines good nutrition," said Pennsylvania State University's Dr. Ralph Kroger. "The 'secret' lies in a balanced, varied diet of many choices."

"I do not feel that there are any 'magic' foods," agrees Dr. Nancy Cohen of the University of Massachusetts Nutrition Education Program. "You need a variety of foods for good health, and relying on only a few, even those on a (select) list, will not ensure good health. I strongly believe that ALL foods can fit into a good diet." Yes, all foods, echoes Dr. Kroger. "Even soft drinks, alcoholic beverages, and steak and potatoes."

"I do not recommend special 'power foods' other than a balanced combination from the food pyramid," said Christine M. Bruhn, University of California Davis. "Foods from each section of the pyramid have special nutrients and make a contribution to the diet." Dr. Mark Kantor, University of Maryland, concurs, adding that the only reliable "lists" come from solid research, and current research underscores the importance of variety.

Having said that, some of our consultants did mention favorites. And though there is no one wonder, there is one food every one of our experts singled out. "Of all the foods on the market, broccoli is the most nutrient dense," Dr. Kroger said.

The tomato is the runner-up recommendation. Other foods our advisors noted as nutritionally-packed include whole grains, beans, and anything dark green or deep orange. "A good rule of thumb is that the more highly colored a food is, the more nutritious it is," said Dr. Mary Ellen Carmine of the University of Maine. "Rice and potatoes are good, but pigments are better." Interestingly, lowfat or skim milk is the only animal product on anyone's "packed with nutrients" list.

A very important reason nutritionists are increasingly reluctant to name individual wonder foods is that scientists are discovering new wonders all the time. Within the past few months, for example, researchers have confirmed:

• Phytochemicals uniquely present in grapes protect against heart attacks
• Vitamin E protects the immune system, particularly in the elderly, and may lower the risk of developing various dementias
• Lycopene in tomatoes may protect men against prostate cancer
• Potassium lowers blood pressure if one is hypertensive, and helps maintain normal BP if one is not
• Compounds in garlic help maintain bloodflow and thus lower the risk of stroke or thrombosis.

Nutritional elements often enhance one another when eaten in combination. Says Dr. Cohen, "There are many (compounds and combinations) that may be healthful, and scientists have not identified them all. That's why a wide variety of food is the way to go."

Red Walls, cont.

I continue to write to you via my nauseating green computer screen. When we remembered that Yikes!, our health insurance runs out in a few weeks, well....suddenly a new monitor seemed really foolish. (What if the swine flu hits Mommy and Daddy?) Green is a beautiful monitor color, after all. I welcome the color each spring, counting the days until the leaves make their glorious appearance, and the freshly mowed grass colors my world in absolute splendor.

In other news, the mystery of the blue floor is solved. As I was getting the whites gathered for washing, I noticed Timothy had thrown a paint-stained sock into the hamper. That explains the sponge-painted look of my floor, and the giggling. Call it a virtual Mother's Day card. lol

Daddy has not yet dismantled the art center, surprisingly enough. I wonder how much longer it will survive?

Thank you, Jess, for mentioning that the "My Charming Kids" blog author has her mother-in-law living downstairs. I do feel much better now about my cluttered dining room, which, by the way, I am going to tend to after the dishes. Daddy and Anna are peacefully sleeping in the rocker, giving me a few free minutes.

No, Anna Grace will still not sleep in a crib. I'm beginning to think her spit-up habit doesn't allow her to lie flat comfortably. I keep her elevated in our bed at night, and she usually sleeps fine, although she's attached to a breast more often then not. High maintenance! But so cute and smiley! Grandma said Anna smiles more than any baby she's ever seen. Church folk mentioned how very happy she is, too. She seems to be running the show around here. What's not to be happy about?

Anyway, a before-dinner rondeveous in the backyard brought in mud and grass, making a sweeping and scrubing of the dining room mandatory this evening. What I really need is a nanny to stand guard at both doors, collecting shoes and depositing muddy, spring-fevered kids into the bath. Where is Mary Poppins when you need her?

I mentioned at dinner that perhaps we should paint the dining room red. The children looked frightened, but Daddy just smiled. I really like that man. He draws the line at a blue-painted floor, but red walls are okay.

I wonder if I actually have the guts? I do have red dishes and apple decorations all over the country hutch. Hmm. Might be too dark a wall color, paired with Ohio's cloudy days. But just the bravery involved is intriguing.

What brave thing have you done to your house? And were there regrets?

Babies! I love them!

To my dear Daniel, Timothy, Emily and Anna - my babies! No matter how big you get, or how far you move away, I will always remember how I held you close, nursed you, look into your beautiful, trusting eyes. Yes - I knew my responsibility was to help you gain independence, so you could move out someday and let the Lord rule in your own homes. But even so, those precious months - when you wanted nothing more than to be in my arms - those months will always be my favorite. When my whole life revolved around you. Thank you for those months! May you treasure them just as much, when your own babies come! I love you!

BABIES

Babies. My favorite stage. How I love them, cherish them, delight in them! How happy they make me! Their skin so soft, so supple, so delicious. Their smiles so ready, so delightful. Their smell so enticing.

I love the way they fall asleep slowly at the breast, with the last sucks being teeny tiny fluttery sucks. I love the way they look lovingly up at Momma, right before they succumb to the sleepiness and shut their weary eyes.

Their trusting of Momma - their urgent need for Momma - it softens me right to the core. I want nothing more than to be in communion with them, always there for them.

They don't talk back, complain about chores, or need any discipline. I don't have to calculate any responses, strain my brain for wisdom.

I get to just love, cherish, delight....holding them through morning, noon and night.

Babies. I love them!

Growth Spurts

Question: How do you know when your baby is going through a growth spurt?

Answer: When you nurse your baby before going to the grocery store, and then get no farther than the cereal aisle before your milk begins to let down. And yikes! Before leaving the house, you took out the breast pads! Because, you know, they look so weird under fitted tees.

Not knowing what else to do, you bend down, pretending to read the label on the oatmeal from the bottom shelf, while holding your shirt out in front of you until the letdown passes. But drat! It didn't work. You look down, inconspicuously, to find you've got wet spots right where you never want to see them, just a half hour after you last fed baby.

So what to do? Go directly to the diaper aisle and pick the biggest diaper box you can find, and put it in the front compartment of your cart, hoping it hides the spots at least a little, while you finish your shopping. And when you're ready to check out, you make sure you don't get a male checker. Good luck!

Anna and Emily - Instruments of Grace

Emily Rose and I enjoy special alone time during her bathroom breaks. I never thought I'd say this, but I really look forward to potty time! When she's older and more independent, I'll sorely miss our finger rhymes, songs and conversations. Her words are shown below, but reading it just isn't the same as witnessing her happy-go-lucky, exuberant personality, as she converses. I can't even describe how she feeds our souls. Sure - there are little fits at times - but her sunshine and energy far outweigh them.

Today, we were counting fingers and toes. Afterwards, she said:

Emily: "I four" (pointing to herself, eyes glistening)

Momma: "Really? I thought you were two?" (smiling)

Emily: "No, no, I five." (laughing)

Momma: "Really? Yesterday you were two." (laughing)

Emily: "No, I four." (Puts her fingers out, trying to make four)

Anna Grace is spending more time smiling and cooing, and less time crying. She, too, is just pouring the joy into us. There's no question that God knows what we're going through with the job hunting. As the weeks tumble by, there are fewer and fewer posted jobs. We have our moments of despair, but then one of our lovely daughters pulls us right out of the slump. I JUST KNOW IT'S GOD! By having the girls delight us at just the right time, he's reminding us that he's there, with a divine plan.

Things seem SO hopeless, with Don's limited job skills, and the logistics of getting short-term training in an area that would bring adequate pay, with health benefits. I can't imagine what possible plan he has to get us out of this, but I KNOW he has one. That's what keeps us going - our daughters, His instruments of grace - and the knowledge that He has it covered.

We're trying to make the best of joblessness, knowing that few men have this much time with their families. I'm really enjoying having Don around more; part of me thinks God knew I needed help desperately. Having all four of them at once had really become overwhelming. Of course it won't always feel this way, but with Anna's fussiness and failure to sleep alone, these months since her birth have been the most challenging of my life. Was a nervous breakdown coming? Did I have more than I could handle? I wonder sometimes. It is MUCH more manageable now, with Don home in between his job-hunting errands. He tries to run them during Emily's naps, and I help out with online applications at home.

We've both wondered if a new job will come at precisely the time Anna settles into a crib-time nap schedule. Emily Rose made the transition around 5.5 months, with me only having to nurse her and put her down drowsy. I'm sure there were times it was more challenging than that, but they don't stand out in my mind. Even now, Rosey is a dream to handle, in terms of sleep. Daniel was fairly easy - but that Timothy! He was attached to me, in our bed, for naps and bedtime for a full two years. He still remembers nursing, which just amazes me. He didn't stop until he was 2.5 years old, when I was about ten weeks pregnant with Emily. I know his primary love language is physical touch, so I attribute his extended nursing and co-sleeping to that fact.

I read a story today about a four-month-old baby who perished, having been left in a daycare van. It was 50 degrees outside, so the cause of death is under investigation. These stories are always hard to read; I immediately put myself in the mother's place.

After reading the story I pleaded with God to allow me to stay at home. Somehow, I had a peace about it hours later. Possibly just wishful thinking, or more reassurance from him that he has it covered. I'm no poster mom, but I'm far better at this than I would be at anything else. This is my niche.

Today's Blessings

My mother and stepfather went online to find something to help our colicky baby. Every time my mom called, the baby was crying, or would start crying while we talked. When she heard that I always had the blow dryer handy, she was flabbergasted that a baby would be comforted by such a thing. lol

Yesterday, thanks to their searching, we received a CD in the mail that features 75 minutes of blow-dryer bliss for colicky babies. The man who started this little business is a lot more entrepreneurial than the two of us. We didn't even think to make a CD of our blow dryer, even though we were fearing how high our electric bill might climb!

Anna Grace is improving, now that she is three months old, but she still has her hysterical times. By five months, I expect her to be a happy camper all the time, despite her horribly immature sphincter muscle, which causes her to spit up three to five times after every nursing. My letdown reflex is too forceful in both breasts, and there is usually an oversupply of milk, but only Daniel and Anna spit up like this. I can count on one hand how many times Timothy and Emily Rose spit up their entire first year.

Though high maintenance, Anna Grace is such a blessing! She is becoming more and more flirty, wanting to smile and coo at me in the middle of every nursing, and while I change her diaper. I often think of those who can't have children, and I know how very blessed we are. Few things can be as wonderful as caring for and loving a child. It pains me to know some never have the chance. I'm sure the Lord comforts, but there must still be sorrow; it would be a profoundly difficult testing of faith.

Emily Rose has found her voice! She is adding words by the hour, and delighting all of us. A whole new wonderful world has opened up. I'll have to find Leo the Late Bloomer at the library. I love to reread that in times like this.

Timothy and Emily are so cuddly! Yesterday, they squeezed into the rocker to give and receive cuddles while I was rocking Anna. Daniel, not wanting to be left out, joined us. Don tried to get a picture, but it wouldn't flash. Hate it when that happens. The memory will have to do.

I have more blessings to count this afternoon, but time is scarce.

P.S. Thank you, Terri! I have a white noise machine, but it just isn't loud enough. It's amazing how loud these babies want their white noise! The rest of us can't stand the sound of our vacuum! LOL

Uniqueness

The other day I was counting our health blessings; despite it being cold and flu season, we haven't battled any viruses since New Years. Wouldn't you know, the day following this realization, Timothy woke up chipper and happy, only to complain of a sore throat an hour later. Shortly after that he developed a 102.5 fever, then very wisely stumbled back to bed for a long, self-imposed nap. Resting for two full days, he was an easy-going, independent patient, who seems quite well today.

Since Timothy nursed for 2.5 years, he suffers only mild illnesses, from which he recovers quickly. Daniel nursed for 13.5 months and always gets sicker, or so it seems :). Emily nursed for 17 months and seems to have an immune system that falls somewhere in between the two boys.

Daniel fell sick late last night, and since Anna is currently nursing, she only has mild sniffles. As I write, Emily Rose is still well; hopefully that will still be the case when she wakes from her nap.

I am amazed at the individuality in my kids - even in the way their bodies react to the same virus. Timothy had no coughing or nasal stuffiness and didn't complain about his symptoms. Daniel talks of his "misery" frequently, even occasionally asking me if he will die. LOL Anna Grace is content enough with her sniffles, as long as she can still nurse comfortably.

The boys painted with sponges, then brushes today, and as I admired their work, I was again struck by the individuality in their approaches. Not surprisingly, the more kids I have, the more I am struck and delighted by their respective gifts and the unique blessings they bring to our family.

For a long time - since becoming a teacher - I've had the desire to write a children's book, although since then, an inspired, worthwhile idea has never come to me. That is, until now. I think I may have stumbled upon one, through my contemplation of the unique gifts and personality bents found in my children. While not unique, the idea is intriguing, nonetheless. Gives me some fat to chew on, while I plow through these diaper-changing, nose-suctioning, laundry-infused, crazy-busy days.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!

I think the good times are gonna roll! Anna Grace nursed like a champ today, with greater energy and speed, while still relaxing. I looked down on her sweet face as she nursed this evening, and some of the turmoil of the last four weeks flashed past my consciousness. How in the world did I get through it, I wondered? The relief of it finally ending washed over me, and the tears started to gush. How is it that we can weather so much, and only fall apart when it's over? Thankfulness overwhelmed me, for the grace of God, and for my husband, who definitely had his finest hours as a husband and father during these angst-filled nursing weeks. He came to sit down beside me and I told him that I couldn't have done it without him, and that I would always be grateful for his loving, enduring support. His main love language is not words, but rather physical touch. Nevertheless, I think he appreciated my tearful thanks. Really, I am so thankful I have the urge to climb a high mountain and shout out to the world how wonderful my husband and my God are. Guess I'll have to settle for shouting it out to blog world. I LOVE MY HUSBAND! HE ROCKS! AND MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!

Mommy Guilt and More Nursing Notes

Hello to Jess! So glad you decided to comment. I stole a few minutes to read a few of your posts. I love your blog!

In response to your kind comment let me just say that I don't feel any pressure at all to breastfeed. My main reason for wanting it to work so badly is that I simply love nursing. I'm not relaxed by nature, so maybe that is why I feel I need that skin-nursing time with my babies? It releases natural relaxation hormones in both mother and baby. I just feel so good about it, and I know if it doesn't work out I will have regret and sadness for a long, long time.

I am fortunate that the pump works for me, but it still doesn't drain the breasts as well as baby; I end up with frequent clogged ducts. Plus, the pump rental is $40/mo, which is no small change to us. And God knows I don't have any extra minutes right now, so keeping up with the pumping for two years would be extremely difficult. Could a pump even guarantee a good supply for two years? I don't know.

Anna Grace nursed three times in a row on Wednesday; I was almost ready to do the victory dance. Then she didn't nurse for the next two feedings. The following day she only nursed twice, and today she got on the left side twice in a row. Our main problem right now is not the nursing or pumping so much. Rather, it's the incredibly long time it can take her to eat. It takes up all of my time, not matter whether it is the tube feeding or the breast. I felt like crying yesterday because it took her three hours to finish two ounces. I took breaks, but it still meant I could do little else, and the other kids definitely felt neglected and Don felt overwhelmed by having to do everything else.

I called the pediatrician today and asked him about the long, drawn out feedings. He was sympathetic and said to keep the feedings to twenty or thirty minutes, trying again when she seems hungry. He said it will improve with time and that at this point it didn't indicate any problem. Her pattern is to take five to ten sucks at a time, then rest. Her eyes are often closed for most of the feedings, except initially.

She is gaining fat and having more than enough wet and soiled diapers; in fact, she's a constant pooper, going before, during and after her feedings. We're spending a fortune on wipes, which I recall happening with Emily initially also. After a couple of months I'm sure the frequency will improve. Daniel, at two to three months old, often went a couple weeks without pooping, since breast milk is processed so completely by their bodies. His pediatrician said the record for their office was three weeks (of no poops) for a breastfed baby. Can't wait for that!

I am feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of making each child feel loved and special. A large family, I'm realizing, definitely comes with many challenges and more parental guilt. Mrs. Duggar just had her eighteenth child! I would sure love to pick her brain. In larger families it seems as though the children benefit from the sibling relationships and the joy and fun inherent in a bigger familial unit, but definitely each child, especially the later-born ones, miss out on a really close relationship with parents. It is a trade off and one I will have to come to accept, while still doing my best to have special one-on-one time with each child. Many of the rewards will come later, when everyone can pour their own drinks and wipe their own bottoms.

I felt some pressure from a few relatives and one church member not to isolate my older three kids, in order to prevent them from bringing home colds or other illness to Anna Grace. My initial plan was for us to hibernate for a month to keep Anna well. I am now so sorry I decided to let the kids go to church last week! Emily came down with a bad cold on Wednesday; the church nursery was the only place she had been. Now we all have it and I'm fearful of Anna coming down with it. It could very likely be an RSV-related cold virus. They used to cause the croup in Daniel and this morning I noticed his familiar barking cough appearing. He doesn't get the stridor anymore (grew out of it), only the characteristic cough. There are several cold viruses that cause RSV, and they are all nasty, although not dangerous for most children. Preemies can be in danger from them or any child with a compromised immune system. But it is never good to get something so nasty at less than a month old. We're praying and washing our hands like fiends.

Tuesday News

I think I'm nearing or at my first year blogging anniversary! No time to celebrate yet, or even reflect. Anna Grace didn't nurse at all yesterday. Don was back to work, doing a day shift until the school vacation is over. It went fairly well, since Anna took a departure from her hour-long feedings; she finished her two ounces in thirty minutes most of the day. Three weeks old yesterday, she is probably in her first growth spurt.

I may be to blame for this current nursing strike (if that's what it is). Saturday went so well, that when Sunday wasn't as successful, I tried hard each time to get her on, thinking any minute she would latch. As a result, she got too frustrated, and our three-hourish schedule was thrown off. When will I learn? I can't push too hard - it only backfires. I just want this so badly! If by six weeks she isn't doing it, I will really lose heart, but I won't give up.

Anna is a wonderful sleeper. That is something you always hate to discuss or write, because often it changes as soon as you acknowledge it. Similar to when you think one of your kids is really growing up and being so cooperative, only to find that the next day they completely fall apart. But I wanted something positive to report. She would actually sleep through the night, or at least 6 hours, if we weren't in the habit of setting our alarm for feedings. I recall that even relatively good sleepers become somewhat fussy sleepers by six months old, either because of teething or separation anxiety. This may be short lived, but it's nice for now.

She will even sleep on her own during the day, which is something the other kids never did. My milk letdown is forceful, so they may have been fussy because of tummy woes, due to the milk coming out too fast. Our alternative feeding method prevents that, which is the only positive thing I can say about it.

Hope you all have grand New Year's plans! Tell me about them. I can live through your much more exciting lives, if only for a moment!

Breastfeeding Support Post

Today we didn't have quite the nursing success we had yesterday, but Anna Grace did nurse four times. The other times I used a medicine dropper, just in case the tube system was causing nipple confusion. We suspected it was, because sometimes when Anna latches she seems unsure of what to do next.

I read that lazy sucking is actually a form of nipple confusion. However, feeding a full two ounces of pumped milk with a medicine dropper is hell, to put it mildly. I definitely think the tube system is better than using a bottle.

As I searched the Internet for information on lazy sucking, I actually found my own blog. LOL I had used the term "lazy sucking" in a previous post. It made me realize that informative Mommy-blog posts containing accurate information can be a real public service, perhaps bringing comfort to some anxious, hurting parent who is searching for answers. Since my heart really goes out to any mom struggling with breastfeeding, I've decided that when my personal nursing drama is over, I will do a public service post and list survival tips for the first six weeks of breastfeeding. Here is a little preview.

The first tip is to try really hard to visualize how things will be later, after six weeks have passed. Imagine all the cozy nursing sessions you'll have over the course of a year or more, with you and your precious baby looking into each other's eyes, providing mutual comfort, love and relaxation. The first six weeks can be the hardest weeks of your life, and it's hard not to feel like quitting.

The second tip is to surround yourself with support, both verbal and physical. If you have people in your life (MIL maybe) who parented in the sixties, it's possible that person won't be able to provide the support you'll need. Formula companies really pushed formula during those years, making parents feel as though it was the best choice. A parent from that era might not have current breastfeeding knowledge, or any interest in acquiring it.

Most importantly, realize that sixties parents quickly jump to the conclusion that many mothers don't have enough milk. Unfortunately, this myth was peddled by formula companies. The truth is that very, very few women have problems with supply, unless their babies sleep through the night too soon, their babies have a ineffective suck or latch and they don't use a pump to compensate, or they supplement with formula without pumping their own milk every four or fewer hours. Temporary supply dips may occur because of some medicines or illnesses. Growth spurts will cause a baby to want to nurse more frequently, and this is to be expected, and does not indicate a low milk supply. Nor does fussiness, unless it is accompanied by a slow weight gain or too few wet or soiled diapers.

More later, when life is sane again. For now, back to the prayer, because God is in control.