Monday, September 28, 2009

change me

We have a peaceful marriage, as marriages go.  When peace does fly out the window, often ADHD is the culprit.  Or so it seems.

We took time off of Daniel's medication for awhile, then we tried another type, called Focalin Extended Release.  In the lowest available dose, 5 mg, it worked roughly 7 hours per day for a couple of months.  Seven hours seems to be the maximum relief available, which gets a child through school, thankfully.  Meds rarely make an ADHD child's or adult's behavior and emotions reach a completely normal range. But they can significantly alter outcomes during the most productive part of the day, which is why they're usually worth the effort.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder often accompanies ADD/ADHD, as well as other co-morbid disorders, such as OCD, Oppositional Defiant disorder,  Tourette's Syndrome (tics), Conduct Disorder, or a mood disorder (often depression).  In fact, sixty-five percent of sufferers have one or more co-morbid disorders, making it difficult to find a medication for the ADHD that doesn't aggravate a co-morbid disorder.  Resorting to two medications is not uncommon, although obviously we'd never want to go there.  We never wanted to resort to any medication, period.

If you're reading this and feeling judgmental about the use of meds, stop.  Unless you've tried to rear an ADD/ADHD child, you have no right to form any judgement.

Anyhow, I think we're at a point in which the Focalin ER is aggravating the anxiety, making symptoms of anxiety as troublesome as the ADHD.  Making a long story short, these issues are robbing us of marital peace right now, or so it seems.

Twice I have typed "or so it seems".  Why, you ask, would I add that?  The reason is that whenever I feel like it would be best if my beloved packed up and disappeared, it is never the ADHD, or money-management woes, or lack of communication, or any other popular hot-button marriage issue.  Instead, it is my heart.  My heart.

Most of all, right now, I'm thankful.  I've been exposed to enough good teaching, backed up by enough Scripture, to know that when the Enemy tries to tell me I've married the wrong person, I know immediately that it's a false, evil conclusion.

Once we're married, discontent with our significant-other is never a matter of the wrong person.  It's a matter of the heart.  Our heart

We have only to say, "God, change me."

As a post script, I want to say that if you're in a physically-abusive marriage, the best thing to do is leave.  Don't date or marry or stray during the separation period.  Just let the Lord restore the abusing spouse.  Yes, it will take time.  After the Lord has had his way with the abuser, it will be a glorious marriage, and all the glory will go to the Father.

And yet still, the leaving spouse needs to ask the Lord for a heart change; it will take a major heart change to allow the abused person to forgive and forget.  Without this forgiveness, reconciliation would be short-lived, at best.