My Husband's Heart

My husband is often overwhelmed by the daily raising of children. Of course he would agree there are many blessings involved, but truthfully, there are even more moments of chaos, and that is harder on him than on me. I often think he's still mourning the loss of our pre-children years. They were too short. We were married in July, 1999, and had Daniel in January, 2002.

When we initially learned we were pregnant these last two times, he didn't smile. Partly this reaction is consistent with his personality, which is open, down-to-earth, but not overly expressive emotionally. And partly, it was because he was already overwhelmed by the two boys we had.

God has certainly done a work in my husband's heart, despite his reluctance to embrace domestic chaos. He cried at the birth of each child, and he cried periodically the first month of each child's life, while holding them and studying them. He cried when he learned we were having a girl for the first time (Emily). And during this last ultrasound, he cried. All these tears were of awe and thankfulness.

This reminds me so much of how God works in us. We think we want one thing, but when He wants another for us, he changes us to the point that we end up thanking him, from the bottom of our hearts, for giving us what we thought we didn't want.

Just this morning, Don cried while watching Timothy read a book to Emily Rose. I love that man always, but when he cries tears of Daddy joy, I love him with every fiber of my being.

He keeps saying he doesn't know how we will handle another, but I know his heart and his God are plenty big enough. Chaos will reign around him and threaten to undo him, but he will still be able to look down at his brand new baby daughter, and cry tears of joy.