Tuesday, May 6, 2008

More of Me and My Throw-Up Bowl

I'm still in the miserable state of having to carry a throw-up bowl around for much of the day. Those women who have morning sickness the whole nine months deserve a standing ovation! Although I'm nearly out of my mind already, I've only been sick for close to two weeks. Trying to have a good, Godly attitude during something like this takes Herculean effort.

Timmy, who's four, and who nursed for two-and-a-half years, has suddenly developed very bad hay fever. Nursing is supposed to help discourage the development of allergies, even when there is a family history (strongly on Don's side). Oh, well.

The symptoms started about two weeks ago, right after my husband's first mowing of the lush spring lawn. Poor Timmy wakes up with swollen eyes every morning, and has trouble sleeping. His eyes itch and he sneezes throughout the day. My heart just aches over this! All three children also have eczema, which goes away in the summer months, returning early winter. I suppose it is tacky to warn your children not to fall in love with someone who has a strong family history of allergy. For if they do, their children will have it on both sides. My feeling is that allergies are one big negative, potentially causing a whole host of additional problems.

I'm discouraged about that, as well as some weird behavior Daniel is displaying recently. In a much older post I wrote about our fears that Daniel might be showing signs of Tourette's Syndrome, which can be a companion ADHD disorder. Strangely though, some time has gone by without any tics (maybe six weeks or two months?).

Recently, he's heard a couple of "bad words", as he describes them: poopee and stupid. Courtesy of McDonald's Playplace. He keeps telling me that he's thinking of these words and is worried about saying them to someone. If he had mentioned it once or twice, I wouldn't have thought much about it. The thing is he's become paranoid about it and keeps bringing it up. A small percentage of Tourette's sufferers, as you probably know, blurt out obscenities involuntarily. That's why this is so concerning.

If more than three months go by without any tics, it is unlikely to be Tourette's, and more likely to be just a transient tic disorder. I need to start taking notes, in case we ever need to get him a psychological or psychiatric evaluation.

I realize weird behavior can come out when kids are hearing their mom gagging constantly. It's got to be very stressful for them. And certainly Daniel has always been King of Drama. Sometimes though, there's no denying that he can be just plain weird. In a very worrisome way.

I know how much of a sin self-pity is. I'm terribly guilty of it today. So many families have much more serious health issues they're dealing with. I have no right to be wallowing in these relatively small worries.

Sorry to have written such a downer post. I hate that I write these types of posts, because I'm sure it makes me look like I have no faith in God. Thoughts like these are a reminder of how much we need Him, I suppose.


Betsy said...

Wow. How did I miss this. Congratulaions, Pam. And don't apologize for complaining, pregnancy sickness is, hands down, the worst feeling I have experienced. I had it so bad with Isla, I was hospitalized and they diagnosed me with a disorder. But even with a "mild" case, like I had with Esther, I was truly miserable. I found I had to keep a little something in my stomach all the time. Hunger and exhaustion fueled the nausea.
It's such a contradiction, trying to be happy about the new life inside of you and feeling so, so, lousy and miserable at the same time. It's important to disconnect the two somehow. This too shall pass.

Ashley said...

Wow - it really sounds like your family is going through a lot. You certainly don't need to feel that your post is a poor reflection on your faith, though. It's so much better to be honest about the fact that Christians are humans who struggle along in this life just like everyone else. People can smell fake a mile away! I understand your concerns with Daniel as well. My little brother has Tourettes, and if you would ever like to shoot me some questions about Daniel's behavior - you have my e-mail! I hope you and your family feel better soon.

Jen(ni)/Fern said...

I don't think you should feel bad for feeling a bit sorry for yourself when you're puking all the time.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder (mild, thank God) and one issue I have along with it is intrusive thoughts. What you described with Daniel really struck a chord with me. When I was little I always worried I would, for example, stick my arm out of the bus window and it would get cut off by something we passed. I thought about it all the time, whenever I was on the bus, and I was very afraid I would actually do it.

I had never heard of "intrusive thoughts" until after I had my daughter. I experienced the same thing, but much more disturbing. I would see myself hurting her. I didn't want to, but the image of me doing so kept going through my mind. It was hell.

Once I got up the courage to talk to my dr. about it, he assured me it is indicative of a strong protective instinct, to the point of hyper-vigilance. Medication has helped a great deal.

But your son sounds to me like he's having intrusive thoughts. He wants very much to be good, and his mind is trying to caution him against what he thinks would be "bad," and his mind is going a bit overboard.

For me, the best treatment is getting adequate rest. My mind works overtime when I am tired, and these scenarios start playing. The sleep works better than the meds -- I have to take the meds when I have little ones who aren't sleeping, though.

Sorry to go on so long. I thought it might be helpful to hear another possibility of what is going on with your son.

I hope you feel better soon! And I am still so excited and happy for you!

Liz said...

Pam... have you tried any supplements and/or restricted diets with Daniel to see if you get any changes in behavior? My daughter is ADHD and extremely oppositional as well as possibly having some sort of mood disorder. We do some meds, the lowest level possible, but have also found that a multivitamin plus iron and her omega/dha oil is key to her overall well being and ability to focus. A good friend of mine has a son with ADHD and/or possibly has tourretts and has some success with a gluten free and casein free diet as well as the omega/dha oils. We both continually pray that God, the creator and designer of our children, will give us the keys to unlock their full potential. I'm very interested in the comments about intrusive thoughts. Maybe I'm just a freak, my it makes me think of spiritual warfare. The closer you walk with the Lord, the more you rely on Him daily and teach your family to do so, the more the enemy will fight. You probably already do this, but I'm thinking that you and your husband together should pray over your sleeping Daniel and ask God for the way to help him. So often I struggle and read and research, but I don't spend the same amount of time in prayer. We have found great power in our joint prayers, especially for our daughter's well being and it makes me think this is the way God designed it all along. Best wishes to you and your family and congratulations on this new life that you carry!

momma's heart said...

Hi Liz,

Thanks for all your good tips and for stopping by!

The first thing I thought about when the intrusive thoughts started (last Fall, I think) was spiritual warfare. Daniel began a saving relationship with Christ around Aug, 2008. His relationship is still going strong. I seem to remember them starting not too long after that.

The problem is he has several other OCD characteristics. Could still be spiritual warfare, but since there are so many in my extended family with panic/anxiety disorders, I really am starting to think he is one of the affected ones. There even seems to be a bit of social phobia going on in the past week or two. (My grandfather had pretty serious agoraphobia)

I really think he doesn't want another baby, and is very stressed about that. He started crying one day and said we are already so busy with Emily running around, and now we will be even busier. The ADHD part of him needs so much attention, and I think he sees another child as a real threat to that.

I think with most panic/anxiety disorders, symptoms worsen with stress. We are seeing more symptoms now due to his stress over the changes he sees coming.

Yes, we need to pray over him! Thank you so much for the help!

Anonymous said...

Pam, I will remember you and your family in my prayers, especially Daniel. :-)

Liz said...

Oops -- that was me, I guess I somehow left my name off the comment.

Mama P said...

I am starting my own website in a few months that I think you'll find helpful. It's going to be the organic version of BabyCenter.

As the mother of a Tourettes son, I can tell you that diet has been an amazing factor in helping. Yes, with Tourettes is ADHD or OCD or both. The trick is treating what is causing the OCD or ADHD, not just medicating at the end of it IMO. For us, diet has been huge. We took Stink to a kinsieologist and know exactly what his body can and cannot tolerate. His behavior is amazingly better, as are his intrusive thoughts, anxiety, etc. It really really helped.

I'm open later in life to talk therapy (as emotions are part of Tourettes as well) but starting with Diet was HUGE.

Email if you want to talk.