Monday, June 15, 2009

But God

You wouldn't believe my conversations with God lately. Or on second thought, maybe you would. Maybe yours are similar.

It's like we're throwing a baseball back and forth, God and me. It goes something like this:

Pam: "God, you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get any kind of schedule going--which my children need--with Anna's sleep being so unpredictable. One day she needs a nap every two hours, and the next she isn't tired until 2.5 hours. One time she'll sleep an hour and a half in her crib, and the next day--at roughly the same time--only fifty minutes. It's really hard God. And yet I keep getting messages--I think from you-- that a schedule (and consistency) is in order--mostly for Daniel's sake. Isn't that the message, God?"

God: "Yeah, Daniel needs a schedule. You need a schedule. But just wait."

Pam: "But God, what do you mean wait? What is the purpose for the wait? If a schedule is good, then why not right now?"

God: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Pam: "But God, won't we be much better parents if we have more opportunity to set schedules and insist on consistency in chores, etc.?"

God: "Leave the results up to me. Do your best, but leave the results up to me."

Pam: "But God, everything feels so loosey goosey right now. It feels so inefficient--so haphazard. That can't be good. It's kinda sorta driving me INSANE!"

God: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Pam: "But God, my headaches, Daniel's hyperactivity, Rosey's feeling that she doesn't get enough time with me, Timmy's feeling that he doesn't get enough hugs, Don's feeling that he doesn't get enough--um--you know. All that can be improved with a schedule. It seems so INSANE that we have to wait! Why can't you just regulate her sleep times? Doesn't that make more sense? I can even spend more time in the Word, if you do regulate her sleep. How 'bout it God?"

God: "The whole problem is that you are trying to achieve in your own strength. Lean on my power and on my strength. I am looking out for your kids--for your family. You are not wholly responsible for how everything turns out--with them, or with anything else. I am."

Pam: "But God, then why do you speak to me about schedules..about consistency in teaching responsibility? Why bother with that, then?"

God: "You need those things for a time that is to come. That time is not today. Wait. Trust me and wait. Sit at my feet. Enjoy. Lean and glean."

Pam: "But, God. How do I let go? How do I rest? How do I pull a Mary, when I'm a Martha?"

God: "Ask me to order your days, your hours, your minutes. Ask me to put your mind at rest--at ease. Get to the end of yourself. Now and everyday...get to the end of yourself. What if things were smooth? What does smooth accomplish, in the grand scheme of things? Do you know what happens to people when things are smooth? They get further and further away from me. That's what happens. Rejoice in the absence of smooth! REJOICE!"

Pam: (Singing out in joy and surrender now) "My an awesome God! He reigns from heaven above. With wisdom, power and love! My God is an awesome God!"

God: "That's the way. Worship me. Delight in me. Sing your heart out in joy to me! Know that I am your God....your father....your salvation...your rest...your answer. I am your answer to and always. So REJOICE, my child. REJOICE!"

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