Monday, September 8, 2008

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry my post about working moms upset you. As you said, you have to work to help provide basic needs. I don't see that as a choice at all.

I said that a woman who would CHOOSE to work, even though the childcare arrangement was known to be mediocre or poor, is being selfish. If basic needs are at stake, or even partly at stake, I really don't see a choice in the matter. I also don't see a choice if there is debt to pay down, or an insufficient crisis savings. Any financial advisor would recommend those be taken care of, before one parent chooses to stay home.

I guess I should have defined CHOICE. I don't really recommend the way we live, since it comes with high emotional stakes. We are having to develop nerves and faith of steal. God's grace keeps us feeling content and blessed, most of the time. We both have bad days, when our faith seems insufficient. I certainly wouldn't fault anyone for not choosing our lifestyle. We are not able to save for the future, to any significant extent, and I'm sure NO financial adviser would recommend this route.

This makes sense for us, in terms of how God has gifted us. We have a good measure of faith, well others have a good measure of some other gift.

As parents, all we can do is our best. I was having a much harder time working part-time from home (in CA). Being pulled in too many directions didn't suit me. Personality and temperament certainly enter the picture, in defining what is truly "choice".

Your comment indicates you probably feel my children will resent us one day, or at least me, and you may be right. However, they have plenty of toys (we do garage sales and thrift stores), nice clothes, a good education, and we take them places. Granted, they don't get vacations anymore, but that will come for them in time. I didn't get vacations growing up, and I am none the worse for it.

My husband currently works 47 hours a week. He is not overworked. Corporate husbands, or those with supervisory duties, usually put in far more. I am working on applying for starter-level writing jobs, and Don is always on the lookout for overtime.

Again, I am sorry you were offended.



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