been there done that

If statistics mean anything, of the thirty readers who frequent this blog, approximately 3 might deal with unemployment in the coming year.  I've come across two recent posts written by women who've gone through this in the last decade.  I hope their words and wisdom bless you.  I had tears in my eyes as I read both posts, and I found myself continuing nodding in agreement.  What a blessing that these ladies took the time to recount their experiences. 

Thankfulness Thursday - A post by Paula, from Paulas Ponderings


Each Thursday in November I am going to post something I am thankful for in celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday. I would love for you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for the gift of rest in the midst of turmoil.

Up until a few years ago, I worried over everything. My husband told me that if I didn't have something to worry about, I'd make something up. And he was right. I had no peace. I did not know how to truly trust. I could not rest.

And then for some crazy reason about 8 years ago, I decided to make my Scripture goal - "I have learned to be content in whatever situation I find myself in" (my paraphrase). Little did I know at the time that the Lord had that goal for me also.

Shortly after that declaration of my new Scripture goal, my husband was laid off from his job of over 20 years. Stress! Maximum stress! Now 7 1/2 years and much turmoil later, I understand trust. And I know how to go to sleep at night and truly rest. Our struggles are not over. My husband has had to start over in a new career when many are beginning to count down the years to retirement. But we have lost our retirement savings and live day-to-day, not knowing what the next month's commissions are going to be or how the bills will be paid. There is a song that says He gives "just enough light for the step I'm on." That's where we are.
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My journal notes in December, 2003:

"I try so hard to lay it at the feet of Jesus, but fear gets the best of me. I live in a constant state of fear these days...Why can't I trust?? Why can't I shake this fear that controls my life?? I'm so tired and weary. It's taking too long...I know deep in my soul that the Lord is there and with us and will carry us through - is carrying us through. But I'm just so tired."
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My journal notes a few months later in August, 2004:

"Thank You, Father, that I am reaching the point of thankfulness to You for Your teaching, for growing me deeper and deeper in Your love. Thank You, Father, for being more concerned with my character than my comfort. Thank You, Father, for taking my control from me. Through this I've learned to hand control over to You. Thank You, Father, for helping me to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself in ~ because You are there in the midst ~ in control. Thank You, Father, for helping me see that I have never had reason to fear, for You have always been my Provider, my Peace, my Comforter, even when I've not been so sure of it. Thank You, Father, because it's finally getting from my head to my heart. This could not have happened without trials to the point of despair, without learning to give up control, without learning to be content no matter the circumstance, without learning, through trials, to rest in You. It's all about You, Lord, it's all about You.

More of You, more of You. I've had it all, but what I need is more of You.

We have lost all monetary crutches, and have gained ~ You! We have no resources left to rely on ~ but we have You! Our assets have been cut in half, and we are left with You! You are truly all we need. Your faithfulness endures forever!"

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How does one rest in the midst of difficult circumstances? I believe it it simply something that must be learned. (Remember my Scripture goal? I have learned to be content...) It is not something that can be conjured up or willed into existence through clenched teeth and fists. Our trials help us grow. I wouldn't trade the past few years for anything. What a wonderful thing to finally be able to trust my Heavenly Father and rest in Him.

(And FYI - I still have my moments! Human!)

I hope this has not been too depressing as a Thanksgiving post! But I know that many are hurting during the holiday seasons each year and pray that the Lord will give His rest to each and every one. I would love to read your Thankfulness posts! Leave a comment and link to your blog if you have one.

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8


"Father I pray for my dear sisters who are fearful and distressed during this Thanksgiving season. Show them Your peace...and teach them Your rest. Amen"

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This next post comes from Kimberly, author of Adventures in Mothering.  I found it in her Frugal Living category.

Paycuts stink, don't they?

Just about ten years ago, when my husband lost his job, and had to take a job with lowered pay, we felt pretty alone in the world, because no one else was going through that (that we knew, anyway). The tool and die industry, once a sure well-paying job not requiring a degree, was now forcing down pay in most of the skilled labor people that weren't working for a unionized shop. Hubby was back to making what he made 5 years earlier, and yet our expenses had gone up. Over the course of those years, he'd take more paycuts, and we'd have to pare it down further. I was not smiling, girls.

Well, I'm no longer alone. Maybe I got to walk through the wilderness to be an encouragement to others now, ten years later. I hope I can be an encouragement. It seems that the biggest "trend" in this job struggling recession thing is paycuts, according to this article. Now, it may seem like, "Well I live on that much money, why can't he?" but let me point something out to you....if you have been earning $100K, and suddenly you get cut down to $34K, that is a much harder adjustment than if you had been earning $34K all along. Trust me on that one...we've been there and done that.

Back when it happened to us, everyone seemed to say "Well, Martin needs to just look for a better job." (oh, sure...good idea...) or use it as an opportunity to remind me that I could get off my lazy behind and find a job too. You know how us stay home moms do nothing all day long but eat bon bons and watch the soaps. With five young children, there was no way for me to get a second job, even if I felt that God wanted us to do that. In prayer, God had made it clear that He was at work and that I was to press on. We both had peace about it.

Even more not-helpful was those money saving articles and books I'd read. Sometimes I'd get frustrated with them, because although it's good to plan, to save, to budget, to do all that is humanly possible for us to do...there comes this point in our lives when we reach the end of ourselves, and no matter how much we cut, we save, we scrimp, we eat rice and beans, and we do all of the other things we're supposed to do...we just can't do enough to stay above water.

Even with our padded emergency fund, our lower-than-pre-approved mortgage, and our savings accounts, as well as our debt paydown plan well underway, absorbing the loss of almost 2/3rds of our income was not an easy thing to do. You can't live on a fraction of your old income for too long even with emergency plans in place.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't cryng out to God, sometimes shaking my fist at Him, angry at His apparent betrayal of us. It was a frustrating time. Still is.

However, God poured out a blessing on us, first by teaching us that His blessings are not always financial. When he provides for us, it doesn't mean that my husband is going to get the pay raise he deserves, and be paid what his skill level demands. Sometimes it means that God gives us the GRACE to live one day at a time, and to gather our manna one day at a time.

By nature I think we are ungrateful. We don't like going out for manna every day. We like His provision to be clearly stated so that our sweet looking budget spreadsheet makes us look like we are being wise stewards, and so that everything fits in there neatly and cleanly. When you have a budget shortfall of a couple hundred a week, you can't really make a budget. It's funny though how, with God, and by faith, a budget that doesn't work on paper can often work in reality, and cause lots of provision to rain down like manna just as we need it.

A friend, sister in Christ, and blog reader from, what often seems like a galaxy far, far away (namely, somewhere in Central Africa) has told me that she finds the whole money management stuff that American and Western Christians obsess over to be really bewildering. On the one hand, she and I would both agree that God calls us to be faithful stewards of what He provides. On the other hand, we have become so fixed on providing for ourselves, managing our finances according to the world's best wisdom or following Bible money-management principles in our own flesh, and leaving our provider God out of our picture.

As I've pointed out in my book on this very topic, Thriving on One Income, God can provide through a paycheck, but He isn't limited to that. Martin's boss may pay him on Thursday, but God provides for us everyday. Lost most of your retirement savings? Yeah, join the club. Us too. Mortgage underwater even after a generous downpayment? Ditto. College savings fund have enough to buy one new textbook at a state university per child? We're there with you. Thankfully God is too. He knows our circumstances, and better than that, He knows our needs...not our wants...not our wishes...not our hopes...but our needs. He often will provide those hopes and wishes and wants too, of course...but He will take care of us.

The best part about times like these...all of the "stuff" that gets in our way of seeing God in the everyday, and all of the things that push what's really important aside fall away, and God is able to really grow us as people, as Christians, and as servants to the king. That's something to smile about.

An Angel

It has been at least eight months since I've gone for a haircut.  We can't technically afford it, but when the math ceases to work out and you rely on God for every single morsel, you honestly begin to believe he'll provide.

For instance, we can't afford a whole month of food either, and yet so far we've not gone hungry.  Our van, our only vehicle, is twelve years old and has 156,000 miles on it. Buying a new, used van isn't an option, nor is repairing the one we've got, should it break down.  I've worried about this over the past year, but now I've come to assume that God has a plan for our transportation needs.  He knows Don can't work or get to school without a vehicle, and that we can't get to church without one.  He knows our needs, before we pray about them.

Back to my hair.  Assessing it this morning, I saw that the last four inches looked very unhealthy.  I wanted to cry at the mess staring back at me.

I told my husband, "I've waited at least eight months.  Do you think I can go get a quick, cheap haircut?"

My husband, whether good or bad, is beyond thinking we have any control over anything, so he just responded, "Sure."

So off I went on a mini retreat to the local Best Cuts, praying for a seasoned stylist, rather than one just out of school.  

I sat for twenty-five minutes waiting for my turn.  Relaxing doesn't begin to describe my experience there.  As Anna's sleep issues worsen by the week, I have less and less time to unwind.  My temper is often short, and I feel like I don't have control over anything.  Or at least, control over the things that make up my agenda.

Today, I'm humbly reminded that


only His agenda matters.

Timothy, now six, was also an awful sleeper, leaving me little time during the day or evenings to accomplish anything.  But, that kid is unquestionably a bit of a genius, so the all-night/day breastmilk diner just might have a purpose.  I'm willing to go through it for another year, just in case.  I think.  Having at least two kids who practically homeschool themselves could benefit me for years--not to mention them.  It just might be part of God's plan for my future sanity.

Anyhow, back to Best Cuts, and my mini retreat.  After watching a very kind stylist cut an elderly gentleman's hair, smiling at him numerous times all the while, I thought, what a very gentle, sweet person she must be.  She seemed to genuinely enjoy serving others.  Not at all like cranky old me, who only wishes in my wildest dreams that I look that kind and gentle, as I serve others.

Finally, the gentleman left, and she cleaned up her area and made a personal-business phone call, prolonging my retreat.  As she did these things, I just kept asking God for help.  Help with my discouragement, help with my depression regarding aging, help with my motley crew of hyperactive children--lovable though they are, and help loving my over-studied, under-slept, extremely stressed out, cranky husband--lovable though he is.

In the next thirty minutes, as she cut my hair, she was like an angel in my midst.  She told me how pretty my hair was (it's not), how healthy it was, and how 43 is not so old (it is).  Can you tell my love language is affirming words?

Her oldest child, nearly 20, ventured out on his own, and is working on buying a house--one street away from her.  She had him when she was 18, and what a wonderful job she did!  You know you've done a good job when they want to live one street away!

I don't know much more of her story.  She has a boyfriend and another son, aged fourteen.  She is 38, and looks like my twin, only younger.

She was a friend to me, for those thirty minutes.  I left encouraged, happier, less burdened, and less alone (somehow).  It doesn't make sense, but that's how I felt.  And when she gave me her card, I saw that she was the store manager.  Thank you, God!  LOL  I got the best!  She gave a great haircut, and she gave me tips on eventually buying a semi-permanent color, over-the-counter, to cover my white hairs.

Thank you God, for the angel of a person you put in my midst.  Thank you for the gift of a haircut.  Thank you for the lift in my spirits.  Thank you for the friend.  Thank you for allowing me the time away to be encouraged, so I can, in turn, encourage my children and my husband.

Thank you for always being there.  For always providing.  Everything.

some catching up

I wanted to report by now that good health has once again returned.  However, we are all still coughing and dealing with lower energy levels.  Sinus infections don't go away easily, I'm discovering.  I've taken to boiling water and putting my head over the pan several times a day, to ensure that the intense pain doesn't return.

The financial stress we've been under (six months without a full-time job), is something I've endured pretty well.  Recently though, with the added health stress, my positive outlook has taken a nosedive.  The economy just isn't recovering.  I find myself praying daily for greater endurance.  I know God won't stop providing, but I'm just so weary.

Our neighbor has been out of work since January (specialized work in the auto business).  My cousin Rick in CA--who owns a custom landscaping business--can't find any work and may lose his house.  He previously did very well financially, meaning he has a hefty house payment.  Unfortunately, his set of skills is very specialized; I don't recall him ever doing any other kind of work.

All of us have heard sad stories, I'm sure.

Hardship is a great teacher.  We mustn't forget that, even as the recession drags on.

A friend of my husband's called the other day, out of the blue.  Don couldn't really get out of telling Jim about the job loss, but he did reassure Jim that we're meeting all our bills.  In an act of great kindness, Jim sent a $100.00 check, which arrived a few days later.  Our cell phone bill was nearly a month overdue (Don didn't know this).  We don't have a land phone, so paying our cell bill was a necessity.  We both got teary-eyed over the blessing, but accepting it was hard.  Yes, God put it on Jim's heart to do this, and we're grateful.  It's just that we would really like to get back to paying our own expenses.

This aspect of hardship is harder on me than on Don.  There are givers and takers in the world, and many people in between.  Don is in between; I am a heavy giver.  Taking feels so unnatural.  I can see God wanting me to learn how to receive, but does He have to drag it out this long?  Good grief!  (And yes, I was telling the truth about the jackets, Dear Reader (who sent me an e-mail).  We all have jackets!  Bless your heart!)

In another random act of kindness, Don's sister sent a $300 check, to ensure that Don has sufficient funds to take his first computer-certification exam.  Someone rear-ended her vehicle recently, and she received a $550 dollar check from the driver's insurance company.  She decided to have her son fix her car, enabling her to send some of the insurance money to Don.  We had another teary-eyed letter-opening session.  God is so faithful.  And so are his servants!  We are blessed beyond measure, truly; I have no right to be feeling so down.

Yesterday Daniel and I attended his first counseling session. I gave a detailed history, and the therapist made a diagnosis and wrote treatment goals.  Daniel has Generalized Anxiety Disorder (runs in my family).  He will see his therapist once a week, until the goals have been met.

He is still off his ADHD meds.  I'm happy to report that, with the token behavior system we're using, he's been more manageable this week.

On the way home from the appointment, Daniel asked me if Amanda (therapist's name) loved Jesus.  I replied, "I don't know if she does or not, but even if she doesn't, she can still teach you strategies for dealing with your fears.  She went to college to learn how to help people manage their feelings, and I think she enjoys her job.  Once you get to know her, maybe you can tell her about Jesus."

I watched him in the rear-view mirror as I said this.  He just smiled.  God will use my Daniel in mighty ways.  The poor guy has some handicaps that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but he also has a heart of gold, and a deep love for his Savior.

Last night during prayer time at AWANA class, the teacher asked the children to take turns praying.  Daniel prayed that he would do well next week, when he talked to Amanda about his fears.  Timothy told God that he loved Him, and that he wanted to love Him forever and ever.

My boys can really rattle my nerves.  Pretty often.  But last night, their prayers blessed me beyond measure!  It was the boldness, the sweetness, and the sincerity.  With all this recent stress, I've felt like such a failure as a mother.  Their prayers helped me remember that I'm not the one raising my children.  God is.

And he is a perfect parent.

blessings

Time to count some blessings:

1. Another awesome homeschooling playdate today.  Weather was again perfect for hiking--at a new park this time.  The children all waded in a lovely stream, looked for wildlife and thoroughly enjoyed each other's fellowship.  A new child, Elizabeth, age 7 (and her dad) joined us.  Elizabeth is another tomboy--a child after my Daniel's heart, much like Faith, the four-year-old who joins us every time.  Only Elizabeth is Daniel's same age and she's more verbal and outgoing.  Possibly the perfect friend for him.  She collects as many creatures as Daniel and loves nature with the same intensity.

Her dad owns a toy shop; please say a quick prayer for him.  Business is poor right now, due to the economy.  He is struggling to stay open and had to recently apply for a credit card to get his car transmission fixed.  Ouch.  We can so relate to his struggles right now.  God brought our two families together right now for a purpose, perhaps?  Absolutely, I think.  We can lend a listening ear, help take Elizabeth to activities, and have her over for playdates.  It's a divorce situation, and dad is trying to homeschool her while continuing to run the business.  She doesn't get as much social interaction as dad would like to provide.

2.  I've mentioned that my husband probably has ADHD or ADD?  He loses things frequently and needs help getting out the door with glasses, keys and wallet in hand.  His inattentiveness means that he leaves knives within the kids' reach, forgets to lock the door at night, leaves the kids outside too long without supervision, leaves our two-year-old on the potty and forgets her....etc.  He helps a lot, but I always have to be paying attention.  I have to do a lot of checking.   ADHD/ADD sufferers (kids AND adults) are commonly deemed lazy and irresponsible, by unknowing outsiders.  Yes, an adult should know to put wallet/keys/glasses in the same place every time.  It shouldn't be an issue before every outing, but it is.  It's easy for me to get extremely irritated at all the ways this brain disorder makes my husband seem childlike.  But God doesn't allow that.  Don's dad couldn't take it (didn't understand it) and the two of them had a horrible relationship.  God doesn't want that unhealthy pattern repeated between Don and me. So he gave me a son who struggles in related areas (less inattentive but more impulsive).  Thus, I have an understanding of my husband's struggles.  Most of the time I see these two not as the rest of the world sees them, but as God sees them.  I can look for the glasses or keys for the millionth time and hand them over with a smile, knowing that my husband is doing his best.  I look at him and I don't see lazy or irresponsible.  I see unique, godly qualities.  It's a privilege to extend grace toward my husband.   It's a blessing that he extends it to me, everyday.  My marriage is a blessing--such a rock in these troubled times.

3.  I helped in AWANA at church the last two weeks.  Timothy is in my class this year (Sparks K-2), along with Daniel.  It's the first time I've seen Timothy in a classroom situation.  He's a very good boy!  I wanted to scoop him up tonight and squeeze the stuffing out of him--I was so proud!  Daniel has his wiggle, tapping, and voice-volume issues, and needs to remember not to sit next to someone he'll talk to, but he is mostly good as well.  They enjoy the lessons and activities, which are very well thought out.

Tonight the main teacher held up a piece of paper with a magnet behind it and a paper clip in front of it.  The paper clip was being moved around by the magnet.  The lesson was that we can't see God--like the paper clip can't see the magnet--but we can still be (must be) subject to his lead.  Such visual demonstrations are valuable for kids like Timothy, who need to see, see, see to comprehend.  AWANA is a blessing!

4.  Another blessing that's come out of this bad economy has to do with my increased ability to extend grace toward strangers.  Before, I was quicker to judge things I just didn't understand.  The school I taught in for nine years comes to mind a lot now.  It was a low-income area, with 90% of the student body receiving free lunch/breakfast.  The teachers--me included--had a tendency to look down on the parents for failing to do any homework with their students, come to conferences, remember needed items, get rid of lice quickly, etc.  We were easily irritated by what seemed to be blatant irresponsibility.  Many of them didn't even work, or they were among the working poor (working part-time or full-time for a low wage).

Now that we are doing creative math with our checking account--juggling two part-time job paydays with partial unemployment disbursements--to get the mortgage and utilities paid and keep the meals coming, my eyes have been opened to how hard daily life is for the economically disadvantaged.  Routine things take a lot longer to accomplish.  You can't mail a bill because you don't have money for stamps...or you need groceries but you can only get a few things, until payday.  You live on a day-to-day basis, spending more time shopping, bill paying, checkbook watching, etc.  Nothing is simple or routine.  There is a steady stream of financial issues, partially because you can't afford to do things well, or ahead of time, like fix that car properly, deal with that roof issue, buy clothes that last, buy resume paper, have enough gas to get to the interview, etc.  I could go on and on.

We have God to lift us up and give us hope, but those families I worked with as a teacher didn't.  Reading to their kids once a day was the last thing on their minds.  They were just trying to survive.  They couldn't get rid of lice quickly because buying the lice-removal equipment and having the quarters for all the extra loads of laundry was just too much of a burden.  (No, my kids don't have lice...just an example.)

I'm deeply, deeply ashamed for every minute I spent judging them.  No, I was never rude or even short with them; I behaved professionally.  But my heart wasn't soft. There was no there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I sentiments.  They should be trying harder, I thought.  We all thought it, at that school.  Shame on us!  We had no idea!  They were in a state of constant stress, with no hope of improvement.  It wasn't temporary hardship due to a bad economy--it was a way of life.  Some of them had never known anything different.

Passing judgement is folly.  Always.

a telling breakfast

At the breakfast table:

Momma:  "Timothy, since you're almost six now, I think you need to try milk with your cereal, as well as other new foods.  It is easier and faster to eat cereal with milk, and it tastes better.  We're starting school on Monday and breakfast needs to go faster."

Timothy (in aggravated, whiny voice):  "But I don't like milk!" (He only drinks the Nestle Quick kind of chocolate milk.)

Momma:  "I know you get scared about trying new foods.  When you're scared, ask Jesus for help with bravery.  And I will start praying more about your diet.  You are missing too many fruits and vegetables.  They help you live with less pain and less suffering."

Timothy:  (Whining) "But I don't like Jesus anymore.  And I don't like doing that Bible study anymore.  I stopped listening.  Jesus makes me feel like I always have to work.  I want to play all day!" (No, I didn't make this stuff up.  This kid is wrestling with God.  What a telling statement his last one is (in bold).  We all want our own way, don't we?)

Momma:  "I see a lot of evidence that you love Jesus.  And I see evidence every day that Jesus is working in your heart.  What about when you dance with Mommy, to the Jesus songs on the radio?  That makes you so very happy!"

Timothy:  "But I can't see Jesus."

Momma:  "Faith is believing in things we cannot see.  God puts faith in our hearts.  You don't have to try to believe.  God will do the work."

Timothy:  "But I don't believe in ANYTHING I can't see!" (Man, he's precocious, I'm saying to myself.)

Momma:  "It's true that we don't see Jesus.  But we see evidence that he is here.  When Daniel aggravates you and makes you so very mad, you are patient with him and you always forgive him quickly.  That is God--the Holy Spirit--working in your heart.  On our own, we don't forgive people easily; sometimes we don't forgive and forget at all."

(He was still listening intently, so I kept going.) "And when a caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly, you can see Jesus through that.  Something as wonderful as that doesn't happen by accident.  The world is too beautiful and too perfect to be an accident."

"The comfort Jesus provides us is another bit of evidence that he exists.  We can only comfort ourselves in ways that don't last--like with a new toy, a piece of chocolate cake, a cold drink, or a blanket.  Jesus comforts us in our hearts and minds, and it lasts--if we don't get distracted from him.  And he provides for our needs."

An aside:  If you're wondering why some people starve to death, I think the answer is that God put enough food on the earth--he continues to do so--but we fail to share it.  We don't do our part.  It's a mystery why God allows us to continue to turn our backs on the hungry of the world.  Governmental corruption in starving countries certainly contributes--the logistics are complicated.  We can't put a military presence in every corrupt country.  But we can send more food via missionaries, via planes, etc.  More can be done, even though some of the food will end up in corrupt hands. Just feeding hungry people makes it more likely that they'll rise up against the corruption--on their own.  We can even contribute more to the starving in our own country--via food banks, soup kitchens, etc. I submit to you that we are too comfortable.  Sometimes, being comfortable is wrong, but only insofar as it blinds us to another's hunger--whether that hunger be physical or spiritual.  

Just being somewhat uncomfortable for the past several months has opened my eyes greatly.  I welcome more discomfort.  I don't want blindness.  I suspect God is growing me into a missionary.

Timothy:  "But I want to see him."

My preaching ended there.  Timothy is a mathematician.  A scientist.  He might always struggle with belief.  There's no doubt in my mind that he loves Jesus; the last six months have brought too much evidence.  Just the fact that he is uncomfortable--from the workings of the holy spirit, no doubt--is strong evidence.   Spiritual growth is never comfortable.

The most important task now is to make sure the Gospel of grace is getting through.

looking up

Mommy and Daddy were lost in very earthly, worried thoughts this morning. God used our children to snap us out of it.

Emily picked up a small, old Bible off the end table.  She held it up and asked, "Old?"  "Yes", I replied, thinking that Daddy must have told her which Bibles she could handle.

Emily opened it up, turned to a random page, and pointed at some words, saying, "God loves me."

Daddy talked about going out for a prayer walk.  Then he looked at the clock and realized that he'd probably better get his shower.  He needed to leave for school at 12 noon today.  Talking to himself, he said, "I don't know what I should do.  I guess prayer is more important."

Daniel, hearing this, and wanting to go with Daddy on the prayer walk, said, "Yes, there's nothing more important than prayer.  Not in the whole world.  Ever."

So there you have it.  A good kick in the pants via our 2 and 7 year-olds.  God loves us.  And there's nothing more important than prayer.  Any questions?

No, Lord.  I think that just about covers it.  Thank you.

The day is looking up.

a personal struggle

I'm trying to find more ways to save money.  No surprise there, I'm sure.  As I've admitted before, this has never been my strong point.  Not having been raised in a Christian home, my only teaching on this matter has come via the Bible and through sermons, these last twelve years. Yeah, I learn slowly.  Twelve years should have been sufficient.  By now, I should know about as much as a depression-era housewife.

There are challenges; I am a generous person, and that characteristic gets in the way of frugality.  On the flip side of every strength, one will always find a weakness.  I know the Lord well enough to surmise that we will be on the poor side until God can trust us with more resources.  How embarrassing to admit it, but that is what I truly believe.  Of course, there are other lessons we are learning--humility, compassion, appreciation, simple pleasures.

I am not suffering discontent due to our circumstances.  Rather, it is kind of an invigorating challenge--even fun sometimes.

Lately, the writing has been on the wall regarding our inability to afford disposable diapers.  However, Anna is so wiggly during changes, it's a challenge just to properly affix the velcro tapes.  I would surely stick her, if I had to use diaper pins.  So, I have taken to rinsing her in the sink, and then disinfecting it, rather than using commercial diaper wipes.  That savings is helping.  I will soon buy cloth diapers and pins for Emily, who  stays still nicely for changes.

In another effort to make ends meet, I have put together two storage boxes of nice clothes to take to a consignment shop, in hopes of acquiring what we need for fall and winter in the way of clothing. Last time I was at this shop, I saw a woman hand some of her own items over, only to trade them for additional ones, rather than exchanging money.

I'm about to leave on my errand, and I'm covering it in prayer.  Emily needs 3T sleepers right away, as our nights are getting cooler.  Her sleepers, and several pairs of jeans and a winter coat for my rugged Daniel, are the minimum requirements we have.  Luckily, the children's sweaters, found at thrift shops last year, still fit and look nice for church.

If you haven't tried the thrift store/consignment route, I highly recommend it!

Here goes!

We made it!

Yeah, we made it to the fair! What a blast!

That money my mom sent? It ended up going to medical bills, so we were praying and thinking about how we would pay for our annual, non-negotiable fair visit--the one that the children talk about and look forward to ALL year. Short of robbing a bank, we were committed to going.

You'll never guess how it all went down....my husband's aluminum cans! Yes, that nasty, ant-drawing habit of his, which has driven me nuts for ten years. He collects them on our family walks, at his workplace, and here at home when he indulges in Mt. Dew. When we lived in California, aluminum-can proceeds paid for his annual trips to see UCLA football games. Here in Ohio, very little money comes from a year of collecting. Nevertheless, he took them in this week, hoping to obtain enough money for entrance fees and a few fair rides, and the non-negotiable funnel cakes.

Incidentally, I don't understand why Northeastern Ohio doesn't put strawberries on their funnel cakes! Plain powered sugar doesn't provide the same mouth-watering, much-anticipated treat.....but oh well. Ohio does have abundant frogs and insects for my Daniel, so I'll forgive them for their funnel-cake ignorance.

Grandpa came with us and paid for the entrance fee ($8) before we could stop him. He then, not knowing anything about Don's aluminum-can money, bought the children two funnel cakes to share. Now my Dad--though very generous--has no money sense. Unchecked, he would spend his own grocery money on others' perceived needs. We managed to keep him in check after this and Don paid for the fair rides, and for some fried chicken. I would never in a million years make fried chicken at home--too unhealthy. Not that funnel cakes are healthy either, but this is the fair, for goodness sakes! Time to eat and be merry!

What was your favorite thing about the fair?

Daddy - FOOD! (We get the same answer for virtually every food-involved event! LOL)
Daniel - Farm animals
Emily Rose - Grandpa
Timothy - The rides!
Grandpa - Being generous (My answer for him)
Momma - Walking around while holding my sweet, sleeping Anna Grace.
Anna Grace - New things to see! (My answer for her)

able to comfort

Would you rather be comfortable, or able to comfort? How, exactly, does one learn to comfort? Is it natural for some, and therefore, done at will? I honestly don't think so. I submit to you that you have to be uncomfortable, for a season, in order to comfort. So, knowing that, which would you choose--to be comfortable, or able to comfort?

My father called one day recently and asked how I was doing. "I'm blessed. Thank you for asking." He laughed and said, "Yeah. Blessed with problems!"

A few days ago there was nothing in the freezer to prepare for dinner. No money would come in for several days. So I took out my WIC coupons, which are from the Department of Agriculture. Designed for pregnant or breastfeeding mothers and for children under five-years-old, the program (not an entitlement) provides supplemental milk, cheese, eggs, cereal, and juice. My guess is that many a family use these coupons to obtain egg and cheese omelet fixings for a few dinners, while waiting for payday to arrive.

I'm grateful for the help. And I now know the shame of putting food coupons on the checkout stand while everyone stares--at me, at my clothes, purse, and shoes--wondering if I am truly poor. They are either disgusted, neutral, or compassionate.

I am uncomfortable, for a season. And now, I am equipped to comfort. I will forever be the compassionate one at the checkout stand, ready with a smile.

Yes, Dad. My problems are a blessing.

Just the thing

Something really good happened yesterday. And it was NOT Don's dentist appointment. No, not that dreaded event. Due to a bicycle fall, his front top teeth were crowned when he was a teen and the crowns finally wore out. He lost one of his front teeth last week--necessitating a $1300 partial procedure, for which we've had to obtain a loan. Doing so--especially now--made us both sick to our stomachs. However, job hunting without one's front teeth didn't seem like a viable option. Thank God our credit was good enough to qualify; I guess that's a blessing? Hard to find the blessing in this, really.

And the good thing was NOT the boys' decision to let their fireflies go the other night--all over their bedroom. No, it wasn't that ill-conceived event. Daddy and Daniel are STILL trying to catch the twenty or so fireflies that have taken over our home.

Now for that really good thing. Emily, the boys, and I went on a homeschooling park playdate. The playground equipment was new and simply awesome, so the kids stayed engaged and I was able to connect with some very nice mothers. They are all relatively new to Ohio. Having a baby and being a slave to naps has kept me isolated these seven months. I really needed these connections. We will meet again in two weeks--a. really. good. thing.

Thanks Lord, for knowing what I need, and for providing it in so timely a way. Can I just say:

My God is an awesome God!
He reigns from Heaven above,
With wisdom, power and love,
My God is an awesome God!

Sarah Palin wrote the piece below for the Washington Post yesterday.


Washington Post
The 'Cap And Tax' Dead End

By Sarah Palin
Tuesday, July 14, 2009

There is no shortage of threats to our economy. America's unemployment rate recently hit its highest mark in more than 25 years and is expected to continue climbing. Worries are widespread that even when the economy finally rebounds, the recovery won't bring jobs. Our nation's debt is unsustainable, and the federal government's reach into the private sector is unprecedented.

Unfortunately, many in the national media would rather focus on the personality-driven political gossip of the day than on the gravity of these challenges. So, at risk of disappointing the chattering class, let me make clear what is foremost on my mind and where my focus will be: I am deeply concerned about President Obama's cap-and-trade energy plan, and I believe it is an enormous threat to our economy. It would undermine our recovery over the short term and would inflict permanent damage.

American prosperity has always been driven by the steady supply of abundant, affordable energy. Particularly in Alaska, we understand the inherent link between energy and prosperity, energy and opportunity, and energy and security. Consequently, many of us in this huge, energy-rich state recognize that the president's cap-and-trade energy tax would adversely affect every aspect of the U.S. economy.

There is no denying that as the world becomes more industrialized, we need to reform our energy policy and become less dependent on foreign energy sources. But the answer doesn't lie in making energy scarcer and more expensive! Those who understand the issue know we can meet our energy needs and environmental challenges without destroying America's economy.

Job losses are so certain under this new cap-and-tax plan that it includes a provision accommodating newly unemployed workers from the resulting dried-up energy sector, to the tune of $4.2 billion over eight years. So much for creating jobs.

In addition to immediately increasing unemployment in the energy sector, even more American jobs will be threatened by the rising cost of doing business under the cap-and-tax plan. For example, the cost of farming will certainly increase, driving down farm incomes while driving up grocery prices. The costs of manufacturing, warehousing and transportation will also increase.

The ironic beauty in this plan? Soon, even the most ardent liberal will understand supply-side economics.

The Americans hit hardest will be those already struggling to make ends meet. As the president eloquently puts it, their electricity bills will "necessarily skyrocket." So much for not raising taxes on anyone making less than $250,000 a year.

Even Warren Buffett, an ardent Obama supporter, admitted that under the cap-and-tax scheme, "poor people are going to pay a lot more for electricity."

We must move in a new direction. We are ripe for economic growth and energy independence if we responsibly tap the resources that God created right underfoot on American soil. Just as important, we have more desire and ability to protect the environment than any foreign nation from which we purchase energy today.

In Alaska, we are progressing on the largest private-sector energy project in history. Our 3,000-mile natural gas pipeline will transport hundreds of trillions of cubic feet of our clean natural gas to hungry markets across America. We can safely drill for U.S. oil offshore and in a tiny, 2,000-acre corner of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge if ever given the go-ahead by Washington bureaucrats.

Of course, Alaska is not the sole source of American energy. Many states have abundant coal, whose technology is continuously making it into a cleaner energy source. Westerners literally sit on mountains of oil and gas, and every state can consider the possibility of nuclear energy.

We have an important choice to make. Do we want to control our energy supply and its environmental impact? Or, do we want to outsource it to China, Russia and Saudi Arabia? Make no mistake: President Obama's plan will result in the latter.

For so many reasons, we can't afford to kill responsible domestic energy production or clobber every American consumer with higher prices.

Can America produce more of its own energy through strategic investments that protect the environment, revive our economy and secure our nation?

Yes, we can. Just not with Barack Obama's energy cap-and-tax plan.

The writer, a Republican, is governor of Alaska.

as simple as

I am running out of contact lenses and haven't been seen by an eye doctor for over two years. We didn't have any vision insurance through the school district, so we kept putting it off. Today I was seen by a Walmart vision center doctor. He was quick, witty, and very nice. Seeing that I didn't have any insurance, he discounted the exam fee. I told him thank you, but was embarrassed to say anything more. Next week I go back to tell him how I like these new contacts, and then I'll give him a thank you card, with the words I couldn't say to his face.

People without vision insurance are everywhere, so it isn't like my situation is unusual. But he cares. It probably costs him to care, but he does it anyway. He wasn't from our area. I drove 30 minutes to get this available appointment, so I would have new contacts as soon as possible, and so that I could get these errands out of the way before Don starts school. God knew that this man was the man I needed to see.

Although this whole job loss thing is nerve-wracking, it IS exciting to see what God has planned next. Somehow he always ensures that we make ends meet, even though there are so many variables, and so many purchases that seem pressing. The sprinkler I bought for the kids wasn't pressing, and at the time I felt guilty for being weak. The kids are spoiled--no doubt about that. I am a generous person, and the flip side of every strength is a weakness. Generous people are more likely to spoil their kids, which is a big negative in a lot of respects--taking years and a lot of discipline to reverse. We are making headway on this; I know this because when we come upon a good deal at a garage sale or at a thrift store, Daniel tells me excitedly, "Jesus blessed us today!" Amen to that. He is learning that the world and everything in it belongs to the Lord.

God must understand that there will be purchases like sprinklers; since he blessed me today, maybe the sprinkler was okay with him--either that, or his grace prevailed.

Our van has over 150,000 miles on it, and now that Don's car is grounded, we are putting more miles on it. There isn't going to be money to get a new used van anytime soon. When I let it, this situation worries me. I want to be able to use the van to extend the children's education--beyond the border of our home, and our books. When God works things out like he did today with the doctor, it helps me remember that my troubles are not lost on him. He knows how many miles are on the odometer. Of course he does.

I saw Glenn Beck's new book in the doctor's waiting room, with the doctor's name stamped on the front cover, and the words "office copy". Seeing this book, I wondered before meeting this doctor if he might be a Christian. When he quietly told me he was discounting the price already given to me, I knew. Yes...he knows the Lord. And maybe he has been where I am, at some point in his life--causing him to extend compassion. Being down on your luck can lead to a huge buildup of compassion. Not an everyday type of compassion, but a burning compassion. Probably one that you never really lose touch with.

Whatever your financial situation is, don't let it weigh on you. God knows all the figures, and he knows how many days of life are left on your water heater, on your furnace, and on your vehicle. Just delight in Him. It's as simple as that.

Rejoicing

Anna Grace and Emily Rose caught the sniffles somewhere. I imagine Anna won't be putting in her best night of sleep, so I've got to move on to chores quickly and get ready for bed.

I just wanted to reflect here on how much of a blessing job loss has been, in some respects.

- Anna has a cold and I am available to comfort her--because Don is home.

- Anna is my last baby and I'm making every minute count--because Don is home and I can.

- The children love their new kiddy pool and can use it a lot--because Don is home.

- Daniel loves to go frogging and insect hunting, and he can often--because Don is home.

- Emily Rose LOVES the outdoors and can go out frequently--because Don is home.

- The children love it when we use the grill and now we can often--because Don is home.

-We love to go to the library, but Emily is one-on-one there (and everywhere), so I can't take everybody myself. But we can go as a family now, and often--because Don is home.

- Daniel and I LOVE berries, and we can enjoy them often; I have time to prepare them--because Don is home.

- Timothy loves to use various engineering/building toys, but some require adult help, and he gets that help--because Don is home.

No, we're not doing well financially and there are consequences to that, but the house payment is being made, and we're eating full meals and snacks still. Tomorrow will take care of itself, as long as we do the tasks the Lord has for us today.

In the meantime, I will rejoice--because Don is home.

God Honors Righteous Decisions

I always get goosebumps when I read stories about how God provides for the righteous. Below is a short, two-paragraph description of how God provided for a company who decided to stop pirating software for employees. When they purchased a copy for every employee, they took an enormous financial hit, but God honored their righteous act, and blessed. Beautiful!

Finding God in What You Do

5.31.09 BY Drew Dyck

Article:

Ken Eldred is an entrepreneur, philanthropist, and ministry pioneer. For over 20 years, Eldred served as CEO of Inmac, a public company he founded. He assisted in founding Ariba Technologies and has participated in business ventures in the U.S., Europe, China, and India. Eldred's passion is to bring Christ into the workplace. Toward this end, he has developed a model called "kingdom entrepreneurship" that encourages Christian businesspeople to spread the gospel by starting for-profit businesses in the U.S. and abroad. Eldred is co-editor of On Kingdom Business (Crossway), winner of a 2004 Christianity Today Book Award. His most recent book is God Is at Work (Regal).

Your book contains some powerful stories about how God rewarded you for not cutting corners or participating in questionable business practices.

I've never sacrificed doing this. Early on in my business we faced a dilemma. Back then we had some software that we just passed around. Somebody brought to my attention that that software was sold for only one application, and I didn't have a right to share it. I called in my chief financial officer and told him about it. I asked him how much it would cost to get the software for each computer. It was going to be a quarter of a million dollars! He said, "I don't know how we can handle this hit." I told him we'd worry about the hit later. I said, "Go out and buy this software and replace everybody's pirated copy with a purchased copy. God's going to provide somehow."

Well, we bought it. At the end of the quarter, our earnings were right on target. Sales jumped significantly, and it made up the difference that we needed to pay for the software. When I honored God, he took care of my problem. And it was something that God showed my CFO and other employees as a witness. When we operate in righteousness, whether we're in somebody else's company or in our own company, God is going to honor that. He's trying to show people his righteousness. That's what it's all about.

Hope

I enjoyed this article from the HighCallingBlog website. The author and her husband have had to go through their budget and decide what needs to be cut (as we've had to do). And like her we're reminded that God doesn't promise a comfortable life.

We need the Internet to do job searches. Thankfully, the $30.00 spent on that won't be the next thing to go. God knows I need these little bits of inspiration from people who've been there!

Of Loaves and Fishes

5.17.09 BY Heather Goodman

Article:

We've heard the story dozens, maybe hundreds, of times. Five thousand men (not to mention the thousands of women and children) listen at the feet of Jesus. They get hungry, as humans tend to do, and Jesus decides to do something about it. He turns to his disciples and inquires as to their suggestions. Using logic and simple math, they respond with the impossibility of the situation. Jesus works a miracle, and everyone eats.

Pastors and teachers elaborate on different points, mainly around God's sufficiency and power.

All very well and good, but what about the little boy, the one who offered up his five loaves and two fish? What happened to him? Sure, he ate that meal along with everyone else, but then what?

Truth be told, that little boy would have eaten a hearty meal anyway, one of the few—perhaps one of the only—able to do so. And his five loaves and two fish might have fed him for another couple of meals. That boy had planned ahead.

So I wonder, did Jesus give him a basket or two of the leftovers? Or did the boy walk away wonder-eyed and empty-handed?

How could these gospel writers omit such an important detail?

Recently, my husband and I joined the ranks of those experiencing reduced income. We scrutinize every nickel that leaves our hands. "Could we have saved it?" we ask, and "What can we cut?" Superfluous expenses fall to our feet like branches from a pruned tree. We figure and refigure our budget on spreadsheets, trying to make the numbers match.

And in our examination, we consider our giving. We need this meal. We need it for lunch, and we need it for the next few days. How can we afford to offer up our last bit of fish and loaves?

So when I read this passage, the question nags. What happens to the boy on the other end of the miracle?

The biblical writers offer no answer to the question. What they don't say:

"And the boy left with a basket forever filled with fish and loaves."

Or, "As Jesus lifted the food from the boy's hand, he promised the boy a secure future of full fishnets and in-demand business."

Or even, "After the disciples collected the twelve baskets full, they returned five loaves and two fish to the boy who gave his lunch."

Given these lines, dropping our check into the offering plate would present no problem. But God doesn't promise a comfortable life. He doesn't promise cable or sushi or new books. Instead, he promises life, and life to the fullest. Christ said, "I have come so that they may have life, and may have it abundantly" (John 10:10 , NET). This life abounds in the hope of the resurrection, the fruit of the Holy Spirit, the peace of Christ that transcends all understanding. We give out of this abundance. We give joy, peace, kindness, love, but we always give time, commitment, and money.

At some point in our lives, we all step into the well-worn sandals of the boy in the story. Times are hard. We barely have enough for ourselves, but Jesus asks us to give anyway. We don't know what happens economically on the other side of the giving, but our hope is not in economics. Our hope is in Christ.

Ruth and Boaz

So I'm sitting here at the computer, researching college financial aid options, and working on the job-market research Don needs in order to be awarded the WIA grant. We take turns sitting here like a tag team, which incidentally is pretty much how we live our entire lives now - as tag team partners in everything, from holding babies to making meals to bathing kids to finding jobs. Lately, Don hits all the job-search websites, and me the college aid sites; I've heard there are many grant and scholarship options out there, and if one puts in the time, it pays off. The up side of doing this now is that when our kids go to college, we'll know how to hunt down financial aid.

I see everyday that there are reasons our life has taken this turn. One big one that keeps coming to mind is the change of perspective it brings. A paradigm shift in fact, has occurred. Every bit of data that enters my brain lately has to now be processed through my new frame of reference, which explains all these public-policy posts. Bounce out now if you abhor thinking about public policy.

I was a political science major in college, mostly because I was engaged to an attorney and thought I wanted to be one. Although I've never used my degree, I do really love public policy. I changed my mind about becoming a lawyer in my third year of college, and it didn't make sense to change majors at that point. When I learned that my fiance cheated on his taxes, I dumped him. All respect was lost for him, as my eyes opened to all the evidence of his lack of character. I wanted no part of his shady world. He was very funny, which was the initial draw, when I met him at the gym; he was in the aerobics class I taught for a short time during college.

Anyhow, today Miss California was interviewed regarding her answer to the gay marriage question at the Miss America pageant - maybe you saw this tidbit on the news? Among other things, she was asked by the Fox News interviewer how she would have answered the banking question which another contestant was given, regarding the bailouts. Miss California, whose stomach I used to have (hope she enjoys it while she can) responded that she didn't believe we should be bailing out any banks. I agree with that, as does half the country. Then she added, of her own accord, that she doesn't think taxpayer money should go to welfare either.

Remember the story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible? There was a social system in place that took care of the poor, in the form of stray grain left in the fields after harvest. Farmers weren't supposed to try to get every piece of grain, so that the poor could go through the field after the harvest and gather what was left for their tables. Trouble is, not all the farmers followed this practice. Some wanted to gather as much of the grain as they could, to get richer.

Boaz was a good man and he followed this rule, as well as the kinsman-redeemer rule, which is why he married Ruth, his distant relative, who had lost her husband.

Now, I have a very conservative non-Christian uncle who disdains all handouts - even hates social security, disability - any handout whatsoever. He thinks everybody should be wise, like him, and then they wouldn't get into any trouble. My answer - should I ever be given the chance to respond - is that God created the body of Christ to have different gifts. We're to use these respective gifts to build up the body (of Christ - fellow believers). Some have wisdom, some have faith, some can evangelize, some have the gift of helps, some have mercy, etc.

I have an aunt in Arizona in her eighties (this stern uncle's sister) who lives on $500/mo. Her trailer is paid for, but everything else comes from her meager income. Her $500 comes from social security, and my uncle doesn't think she should get it, because she didn't work the required number of quarters necessary to qualify. Now, I don't know how she got it or what the rules are; I think her family should be taking care of her (she has six kids). But they aren't. And you know what? Even though this uncle is fairly well off, he doesn't send my Arizona aunt money on any regular basis (maybe holidays). We sent her money occasionally when we were both working in Ca, but haven't had much to send since moving to Ohio.

It's all well and good (for Republicans) to say that families should take care of each other, but they don't always do this, and the elderly suffer, struggling single moms and their children suffer, veterans suffer, etc. Doesn't the government have to have a welfare system, since few follow what God says? The very people who turn their noses up at public assistance don't even help the poor in their own families!

The Bible says that it is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to get to heaven. Being rich, or having plenty, robs a person of perspective. They began to believe that they are better than others. But it is God who decides who gets what (notwithstanding laziness), and getting plenty is not a blessing - unless one manages to still have perspective, despite the riches. Few are able to do this.

I would like to sit the very young (and Christian) Miss California down and take her around the country, to see how other young people her age grew up. Would she be so cold-hearted then, if she knew that the teenager in the neighboring state (on public assistance) got pregnant at 15 because her parents abused alcohol for years, and never met her emotional needs, or encouraged her in school?

There is another side to this. Some people abuse the help. And that has to be addressed through reform and constant evaluation, so self-sufficiency becomes the end result, rather than laziness. There are corrupt individuals at both ends of the spectrum, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still set aside a portion of tax dollars to help the less fortunate. Helping the pregnant teenager with her self-esteem, through counseling, so she can meet a decent man, and helping her with job skills, so she can get a decent job, just makes sense. God commands that we do it.

WIA Grant

We've found an approved school in Akron for the Associate's Degree program in which Don is interested. As is customary with financial aid, there is a long, laborious paper trail necessary to actually be awarded the WIA Grant money. In your own state, find WIA grant information by just typing "WIA guidelines", and your state's name, in your browser. Being on unemployment was not listed as a prerequisite for Ohio. It is a Federal grant, administered by individual states, so rules may be slightly different for each state. Technical schools qualify, as do universities and community training programs. You can earn a certificate, or a degree, depending on your area of interest. The maximum amount of financial aid is $10,000.

It appears Don might not be able to continue with unemployment insurance; we'll see what happens with that. He now has two part-time jobs, totaling 23 hours per week, so it won't matter a whole lot if they discontinue his unemployment. We aren't receiving much anyway.
School attendance is only problematic for unemployment insurance receivers if you started it after losing your job.

Don will probably qualify for a Pell Grant, in addition to the WIA Grant. Beyond that, I suppose we'll get the living-expenses loan. If I work part-time, Don wouldn't have enough time to watch the kids or do any homeschooling, due to his own study-time commitment, so a living-expense loan may be our only option. Neither of us sees an alternative to Don getting another degree, even though it will require a lot of sacrifice from all of us. In the long run it will serve our family well.

Hopeful

This post might be of interest to Michigan readers, who are struggling mightily with their own economy.

If you are on unemployment, or know someone who is - who previously worked in a field that is no longer in demand - there are two unemployment-related programs to financially assist workers gain valuable, in-demand skills. These programs are not new - just new to us. You still have to keep up with your efforts to find suitable work, and you still can't turn down work, during your studies.

One plan pays up to $4000 of an educational program lasting up to four months. You can typically get certified for low-level health care jobs, such as an STNA, in this amount of time.

Another program requires that you prepare a report detailing the job-market outlook and the educational costs of an Associates Degree program, such as one for a Computer Network Technician certification, or other lucrative fields requiring only two-year degrees. A representative of this assistance program meets with you to review your options.

My husband is right now meeting with a representative regarding a Computer Network Technician Associates Degree. We don't know the extent of the financial assistance, but degrees of this type can cost $6,000 - $30,000, depending on whether one chooses a better known college, such as DeVry, or lesson known ones. Payment plans and financial aid through the colleges are available as well.

I'll keep you posted on how things go with this. I am feeling hopeful today. Very hopeful. The fact that one can earn a degree online is just amazing, isn't it?

The Natural World

Romans 1:20
..since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made...

Daily life is hard right now for many people. The number of family-related homicides is alarming. First it was one per week, then a few per week, then one per day. This weekend, it has become more than one per day. Most of the perpetrators have histories of instability, and like the rest of us, they have typical complications and frustrations going on in their lives. Adding a recession or job loss to the typical complications makes tragedy more likely.

I have contemplated requesting an anti-anxiety med for myself during this period of upheaval. However, doubting whether such meds are compatible with nursing, I've resisted making an appointment.

Instead, what helps me tremendously is getting in touch with the physical world. The above passage tells us that the physical world proves God's existence.

When I see the bulb flowers blooming, and look forward to the dozens and dozens of tulips our previous owner planted, I am uplifted. I am assured that tomorrow brings something new and glorious.

When the promise of a new day spills through the window in the form of sunlight and chirping birds, I am propelled forward - a smile on my face.

When the spring weather brings out energy-filled, happy-go-lucky children, I'm under the spell of their laughter.

When my son's newly-caught frog croaks in the wee hours, I am reminded of carefree summer days - my children dancing around the sprinkler, running after butterflies, insects, frogs - sporting only bathing suits and Popsicle-stained mouths.

As I'm driving around, passing green fields, daffodils and ponds - catching the sun's rays just right - I'm filled with peace.

God is always there, his glory displayed before me.

When life gets this messy, and prayers go unanswered, my mind begins to doubt his very existence - but only until I look out.

My prayer this Sunday morning is that we will all go outside, and let God's glory overwhelm us. Out there, we find joy, hope and promise.

But for the Grace of God

I occasionally get insomnia. It runs in my anxiety-prone family, especially affecting the women. Last night it seemed that short of cancer or another death-sentence diagnosis, things around here just couldn't get any worse. I was awake contemplating quitting my affiliation with the Republican Party, and questioning why my baby couldn't sleep without being attached to the breast.

Anna is becoming more and more like Timothy was, in terms of sleep. I gave him what he needed, and he's turned out extremely bright (for whatever reason), so I have a deep dread of putting Anna or our family through a cry-it-out regimen. On the other hand, if I let her nurse every hour or so for two years, how will that affect the other children, indirectly? Emily may have gone through a period like this at four months, but it didn't last. She ended up a very good sleeper; I'm trying to be positive about this phase. With the alarm going off at 2:15 a.m. for Don, I feel like I have to try even harder to get Anna back to sleep fast. Which means, roll over and give her the breast pronto! The binky rarely works to quiet her during the night. I'm certain she's not hungry; she's more than doubled her birth rate in her first four months.

Timothy, also an occasional insomniac, was similarly affected last night, although I hope it wasn't over something so deep as his political affiliation. I finally gave him Benedryl at 4:30 a.m., to no avail. He will have a rough day, I fear. Daniel appeared to have a cold yesterday and coughed frequently last night, so perhaps Timothy is just on the verge of becoming ill. Anna is sneezing today.

When light broke through this morning, I was so grateful for it! Everything seems rosier in the morning, no matter how awful the night was. Light is renewing, refreshing, truthful.

Recently I figured out how to add a Google tracker to my site (a huge technology leap) and discovered that 110 visitors come to this blog. 14% come randomly from keyword searches and appear to bounce out right away. Since that's more people than I ever imagined, I guess I should give a heads up on political or public-policy posts, since some find them so boring. Bounce out now if you hate politics.

I will be writing an e-mail to a few Fox News commentators, including Bill O'Reilly. My feeling is that the reason so many people hate Fox News is that they don't display enough sympathy toward the disadvantaged. Right now especially, many people are finding themselves on public assistance for the first time. We will, in another month, need Medicaid insurance for our kids. I feel awful about it, and am fearful of the looks I will get from medical staff, clerical staff, etc. Will I get a compassionate look from Democrats, and a haughty look from Republicans? Do I have to pray for a Democrat receptionist? I have a lot of anxiety about this, and I feel some Americans need to have God drop them in the middle of Africa so they can see how much of the world lives.

The arrogant Washington D.C. protester I mentioned yesterday said she didn't want to help anyone pay their bills. What about food? That is a bill, and I gather it makes up the bulk of entitlement spending, with Medicaid being second. Should single moms and their children, who undoubtedly make up the bulk of welfare rolls, go without enough food and without regular checkups? Not giving them a good start (I believe there is a five-year limit) means that someday they might end up collecting entitlements as adults.

I don't feel ENTITLED to free health care. I don't look at it as a right, but since it is available, I feel I must do what is best for my children. We've gone to God about this, and before signing the paperwork we will also seek counsel from our Pastor. It appears from our view that obtaining coverage for the children is a must. The Pastor might be able to direct us to Scripture that points to a different answer.

In this recession, we aren't the only people having to make decisions like this, and to hear people say such cold-hearted things makes me want to be an Independent, rather than a Republican. Nasty Republicans give the Christian Right a bad name. People tend to lump Republicans and Christians together, for better or worse, and I want to separate myself from that element of the Party.

I don't agree with people being bailed out of their mortgages. Apartments are usually plentiful, and although it is terribly sad, moving to an apartment isn't the end of the world. Not having enough money for immunizations, medications, and check ups is another story, as is not having enough food.

I feel top wage earners already pay too high a proportion of the tax burden, which has lead to wide-scale cheating. They shouldn't be asked to pay even more of the burden, so that most of the country can enjoy lower taxes. The Fair Tax, and term limits for Congress, seem to be the best solution to many of the country's woes. I'll do an informative post on the Fair Tax soon.

My letter to the commentators will only point out that many people watching are having to collect entitlements for the first time, and while watching Fox News, they are made to feel like petty criminals. The impression given is that if only people would be more "responsible", they wouldn't find themselves needing an entitlement. They need to try harder to distinguish people like the Octomom, from people who find themselves in circumstances beyond their control. Sadly, I feel she may have allowed so many embryos to be implanted because she knows multiples born early often have disabilities (three of her older children do), and that she can collect disability checks for each one. I may be in error in suggesting this, but by all accounts, she appears to be a greedy opportunist. Emotional problems may be at the root of it, but that doesn't excuse her behavior, or her doctor's. She is trying to copyright her "Octomom" nickname, so she can take advantage of other lucrative offers. The whole thing just doesn't set well with me, although I'm glad she will probably earn enough money to take care of her brood. That still doesn't guarantee that her eight babies are going to have enough loving arms to go around - ensuring proper development. Studies show that babies need at least three hours of holding a day.

Undoubtedly, she and her children need our prayers, more than our criticism. I'll stick with prayer from here on out.

This post doesn't solve any problems, but it sure makes me feel better to get these things off my chest. Maybe tonight I'll sleep better.

It's an old cliche, but the statement, "There, but for the grace of God go I", is one we can all use right now. Perspective. We all need it. And we need it often.