It's all good

That lull in the action I spoke of a few days ago? Short-lived. Anna Grace had a day and a half off from teething. My beloved baby is back to biting her crib rail, her knuckles, her toys, and the breast that nourishes her. Still, playtime is unaffected; she continues to practice her standing-up balancing act. She even took one step forward, before falling. I watched her face for frustration. None; there was only excitement displayed on her beautiful, porcelain face. She simply got back up and tried again, and again, and again. I stand amazed at her physical capabilities! Now if she would only babble more! My children all favored physical feats over language development. Is it that hyper-active gene pool?

Sleep is once again hard for Anna to come by. Momma's day is taken up with getting her to sleep, or helping her go back to sleep. In between, there is a load of laundry done, a sandwich made, a drink poured, a hug given, a dance danced, or a spilled drink wiped up. It's all good..all rich. Yes, I have resorted to Tylenol for the teething--for her not me. LOL It helps some.

And the homeschool planning? Exactly two hours have been painstakingly carved out for this endeavor. Anna's teething situation has prevented me from having additional blocks of time, thus far. And yet, I am relaxed. When called by God to do something, failure isn't possible, so long as we follow His lead.

My task later today is to use the computer to design a homeschooling prayer journal. That must be first priority, lest my teaching load start to overwhelm. For not only must I formally teach the boys, but Emily Rose needs extra storytime, more singing, and color, number, shape, and phonics work. Anna Grace needs vocabulary, singing and rhyme time. Homeschooling literally starts at the birth of each child, and continues until they pack up their clunkers for college.

Incidentally, I never drank in college, nor did I run with anyone who drank. And yet these binge-drinking news stories have me petrified about sending my kids to college! How does one send them off, with such danger lurking? Daniel is careful...even timid and anxious; about him, I need not be concerned. It's Timothy and Rose I'll worry about.

Anyhow, the future is already being prayed about. It pays sometimes to be a worrier. Every friendship, every courtship, every spouse, every marriage...even the purity and fertility of each child--I've got it all covered. My nervousness is good for something after all.

Now back to that journal I'll design tonight; it will guide me through daily prayer for the learning needs of each child. With such a tool, their minds will definitely get filled this year--not from me, but from Him, through me.

Anna Grace had another toe prick for her iron level yesterday. After 3.5 weeks of iron-food treatment, her level went from 8.9 to 9.5--despite her six-day virus. It is common for illnesses to temporarily lower hemoglobin levels. A chart I consulted indicated that for a nine-month-old baby, a hemoglobin level of less than 10 is considered anemic. Anna will be nine months in two weeks. She is gaining ground anyway, and will be tested again in October.

a lull in the action

Dare I say it? I think there is a lull in the action for the first time in awhile. God has answered that prayer.

Anna is sleeping well (no..not through the night yet), eating, and...wait for it...rash free!!!

Emily Rose is sleeping wonderfully at night and taking good naps!

No one else has gotten Anna's virus; we must all have immunity to this one.

Don is doing well in computer-tech school and really enjoys it! Yahoo! He may have found his niche. My dad gave us a 4 yr. old computer that Don can take apart and use as a learning aide.

My brother, who also suffers from ADD, has done wonderfully in the computer field without any degree; he has certifications only. My hunch is that the profession fits well with the handicaps and strengths inherent in the ADHD brain. Most importantly, their hyperfocus ability helps them keep up with sometimes-boring, highly-detailed, perpetually-changing technology. Okay, the sometimes-boring comment is a matter of opinion; computer technology IS boring to me. Just fix the thing, I say. Don't make me sit down and suffer through the specifics.

I do believe things are calm enough for me to begin planning a fall lesson schedule for the boys, as well as a simple one for Emily.

I'll be absent from this space for several days, as I devote my "free" time to planning.

Have a blessed week! Eat your produce, grains and be merry!

half-empty or half-full

Are you a glass-half-empty, or a glass-half-full person? And is your husband the same, or different?

Yesterday morning, after a spill on the dining-room floor, I started singing my joy song--only with a desperate, trying-not-to-cry kind of voice. You see, the children's 2% milk had spilled on the dining-room floor at least five times in the last seven days. It is NOT fun to clean up, and sweeping and mopping in there isn't easy; so many things have to be moved out first, and so many little feet banned from the room for the duration of the clean-up. I've tried getting up the spills with just dry towels and then wet towels, but a film is always left on the floor. The wood-floor mop is the only thing that gets up the film.

Anyhow, Daniel said to Daddy in response to my song: "Isn't it nice, Daddy, that Mommy counts everything as all joy? I really like her songs."

Now my husband is a glass-half empty kind of person. I don't mean to put him down in saying that. He is a wonderful man and has more of a servant's heart than I do. It's just that his natural bent is to NOT look on the bright side of things. When I am overtired and not feeling charitable, his half-empty mindset drives me insane. Otherwise, I don't think about it a whole lot.

I could immediately tell that Daniel's comment both irritated him and surprised him. The surprise was from the fact that Daniel didn't seem to mind (or catch onto) my desperate--rather than joyful--tone of singing. The irritation was probably from the fact that he knew Daniel may have been comparing Daddy's grumpiness to Mommy's new-found, but-sometimes-feined, outside joyfulness.

I felt sorry for Don. My joy songs are a source of irritation to him, I fear. He has for years been asking God for a filling of the spirit--for a joy that surpasses all understanding. I think it is much harder for the glass-half-empty personality to hold on to joy. All the adversity we've experienced in our ten-year marriage has wearied him a bit. The children--especially Daniel--take a lot of emotional energy out of him. He loves being around his family and doesn't want to pursue, or be pushed to pursue, an outside outlet. However without such an outlet, raising kids is much harder for a man. There is a balance. Some men are forever playing golf in their leisure time, and that isn't good for the family. I think when he was working full-time, that was enough of a separation for him. He was happier and more relaxed then, whereas right now he is going through a lot. I can't explain it to the kids; they don't know that he lost his main job. We've only told them that he is looking for a better job, and that he will start a computer school soon.

Our pastor recently preached on joy, and Don talked with him afterwards about setting up a meeting to talk about that pursuit in Don's life. I went to the church yesterday to sign the boys up for a Friday day-camp, and I ran into the Pastor. He asked how we were doing, mentioning that we had really been going through things lately. I told him that we were fine, and that the unemployment led to Don receiving a grant for some training in the computer field, which would probably turn out to be a big blessing. I explained that Don had pursued a ministry education in the past, and that it hadn't led where he'd wanted it to, and as a result Don has lived with job dissatisfaction for a very long time. Pastor said he was looking forward to talking to Don. And he added, "It will be fun. I enjoy that." This was completely genuine. Our Pastor is a very joy-filled man. I'm so grateful for him.

And my heart hopes that the meetings between these two will lead to Don understanding--and being able to capture and keep--joy in his heart. I know he is a saved man. This doesn't have to do with that. It's more of a personality bent--a self speak--something that I think one can be trained to possibly change, with God's help.

I don't mind sharing Don's burdens. He has to share mine too, whether he wants to or not. It's an inevitable part of marriage, and something that ultimately draws a couple closer--if they use grace to get past the irritation. My tendency towards nervousness and anxiety gets to him sometimes. I sense he is worried that I won't be able to handle all four kids on my own, while Anna is still taking lousy naps. My answer to that is prayer, prayer and more prayer, and telling him to go in peace and let God work it out with Anna.

I'm trying everything and her naps are still too short. God will HAVE to intervene on her behalf. If it's a case of reflux and lying flat causes her pain, than God will have to address that--although when I place her in a reclined infant seat, her naps are only slightly longer. My doctor only prescribes something for reflux when the baby is spitting up so much that she isn't gaining weight. Anna is gaining well.

If I accept her thirty to fifty-minute naps and then put her down more often, she has a lot of trouble drifting off at all--like she is wired and over-tired. When held, she sleeps four hours over three naps during the day, and this leads to good night sleep. With the shorter naps, she wakes up super early in the morning, and has trouble sleeping the rest of the day.

But I really can't complain too much, because I absolutely adore watching her sleep and feeling her sweet body against me. She will be my last baby, thanks to Don's recent vasectomy. Today she got up on all fours, and I kissed her and hugged her in congratulations. But then I thought--wait a minute--my last baby is about to crawl away from me, probably in less than six weeks! Yikes! Not fair!

I don't know why this is so hard for me. It happens to every woman, after all. There is always a last baby. Anna will hopefully nurse well into her second year or beyond--delaying the pain for Momma a bit. Every stage has its joys, I know. But cuddling and nursing babies is the ultimate for me.

Maybe I'll run a baby daycare when my children leave. One never knows.

Ruth and Boaz

So I'm sitting here at the computer, researching college financial aid options, and working on the job-market research Don needs in order to be awarded the WIA grant. We take turns sitting here like a tag team, which incidentally is pretty much how we live our entire lives now - as tag team partners in everything, from holding babies to making meals to bathing kids to finding jobs. Lately, Don hits all the job-search websites, and me the college aid sites; I've heard there are many grant and scholarship options out there, and if one puts in the time, it pays off. The up side of doing this now is that when our kids go to college, we'll know how to hunt down financial aid.

I see everyday that there are reasons our life has taken this turn. One big one that keeps coming to mind is the change of perspective it brings. A paradigm shift in fact, has occurred. Every bit of data that enters my brain lately has to now be processed through my new frame of reference, which explains all these public-policy posts. Bounce out now if you abhor thinking about public policy.

I was a political science major in college, mostly because I was engaged to an attorney and thought I wanted to be one. Although I've never used my degree, I do really love public policy. I changed my mind about becoming a lawyer in my third year of college, and it didn't make sense to change majors at that point. When I learned that my fiance cheated on his taxes, I dumped him. All respect was lost for him, as my eyes opened to all the evidence of his lack of character. I wanted no part of his shady world. He was very funny, which was the initial draw, when I met him at the gym; he was in the aerobics class I taught for a short time during college.

Anyhow, today Miss California was interviewed regarding her answer to the gay marriage question at the Miss America pageant - maybe you saw this tidbit on the news? Among other things, she was asked by the Fox News interviewer how she would have answered the banking question which another contestant was given, regarding the bailouts. Miss California, whose stomach I used to have (hope she enjoys it while she can) responded that she didn't believe we should be bailing out any banks. I agree with that, as does half the country. Then she added, of her own accord, that she doesn't think taxpayer money should go to welfare either.

Remember the story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible? There was a social system in place that took care of the poor, in the form of stray grain left in the fields after harvest. Farmers weren't supposed to try to get every piece of grain, so that the poor could go through the field after the harvest and gather what was left for their tables. Trouble is, not all the farmers followed this practice. Some wanted to gather as much of the grain as they could, to get richer.

Boaz was a good man and he followed this rule, as well as the kinsman-redeemer rule, which is why he married Ruth, his distant relative, who had lost her husband.

Now, I have a very conservative non-Christian uncle who disdains all handouts - even hates social security, disability - any handout whatsoever. He thinks everybody should be wise, like him, and then they wouldn't get into any trouble. My answer - should I ever be given the chance to respond - is that God created the body of Christ to have different gifts. We're to use these respective gifts to build up the body (of Christ - fellow believers). Some have wisdom, some have faith, some can evangelize, some have the gift of helps, some have mercy, etc.

I have an aunt in Arizona in her eighties (this stern uncle's sister) who lives on $500/mo. Her trailer is paid for, but everything else comes from her meager income. Her $500 comes from social security, and my uncle doesn't think she should get it, because she didn't work the required number of quarters necessary to qualify. Now, I don't know how she got it or what the rules are; I think her family should be taking care of her (she has six kids). But they aren't. And you know what? Even though this uncle is fairly well off, he doesn't send my Arizona aunt money on any regular basis (maybe holidays). We sent her money occasionally when we were both working in Ca, but haven't had much to send since moving to Ohio.

It's all well and good (for Republicans) to say that families should take care of each other, but they don't always do this, and the elderly suffer, struggling single moms and their children suffer, veterans suffer, etc. Doesn't the government have to have a welfare system, since few follow what God says? The very people who turn their noses up at public assistance don't even help the poor in their own families!

The Bible says that it is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to get to heaven. Being rich, or having plenty, robs a person of perspective. They began to believe that they are better than others. But it is God who decides who gets what (notwithstanding laziness), and getting plenty is not a blessing - unless one manages to still have perspective, despite the riches. Few are able to do this.

I would like to sit the very young (and Christian) Miss California down and take her around the country, to see how other young people her age grew up. Would she be so cold-hearted then, if she knew that the teenager in the neighboring state (on public assistance) got pregnant at 15 because her parents abused alcohol for years, and never met her emotional needs, or encouraged her in school?

There is another side to this. Some people abuse the help. And that has to be addressed through reform and constant evaluation, so self-sufficiency becomes the end result, rather than laziness. There are corrupt individuals at both ends of the spectrum, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still set aside a portion of tax dollars to help the less fortunate. Helping the pregnant teenager with her self-esteem, through counseling, so she can meet a decent man, and helping her with job skills, so she can get a decent job, just makes sense. God commands that we do it.

WIA Grant

We've found an approved school in Akron for the Associate's Degree program in which Don is interested. As is customary with financial aid, there is a long, laborious paper trail necessary to actually be awarded the WIA Grant money. In your own state, find WIA grant information by just typing "WIA guidelines", and your state's name, in your browser. Being on unemployment was not listed as a prerequisite for Ohio. It is a Federal grant, administered by individual states, so rules may be slightly different for each state. Technical schools qualify, as do universities and community training programs. You can earn a certificate, or a degree, depending on your area of interest. The maximum amount of financial aid is $10,000.

It appears Don might not be able to continue with unemployment insurance; we'll see what happens with that. He now has two part-time jobs, totaling 23 hours per week, so it won't matter a whole lot if they discontinue his unemployment. We aren't receiving much anyway.
School attendance is only problematic for unemployment insurance receivers if you started it after losing your job.

Don will probably qualify for a Pell Grant, in addition to the WIA Grant. Beyond that, I suppose we'll get the living-expenses loan. If I work part-time, Don wouldn't have enough time to watch the kids or do any homeschooling, due to his own study-time commitment, so a living-expense loan may be our only option. Neither of us sees an alternative to Don getting another degree, even though it will require a lot of sacrifice from all of us. In the long run it will serve our family well.